Smashing Depression by Finding Your Purpose
Smashing Depression by Finding Your Purpose
In this, The Faces of Business, our guest, Jay H. Tepley, Speaker, UK-based Author, Mentor, talks about how entrepreneurs can eliminate depression by finding their purpose.
Damon starts the discussion with a brief introduction to Jay’s latest book “Smash Depression & Live Your Purpose: Personal Evolution for Mission-Driven Men.” He double-thanks Jay because it was pretty late in the UK. He then invites Jay’s comments on her inspiration to write this book.
Jay has been researching mental fitness, meditation, and spiritual development for more than twenty years. Since she is a mentor, her students pose similar questions that she has detailed in her books. Moreover, she feels books are a great vehicle for sharing information for retaining information. She helps people gain calmness. They approach her virtually and personally. For the unversed, she thinks her books are perfect to read.
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Damon digs in deeper inquiring more about the factors giving impetus to writing books. To which Jay replies that there were two factors. Firstly, she is a researcher who has always been interested in expanding human potential in growing physically, mentally, and spiritually. Secondly, she has always wanted to achieve excellence. Interestingly, she knows “the idea of excellence is that you’re not supposed to ever achieve it, but you’re supposed to always try for it.”
She started regular meditation when she was 15 or 16. Soon, she realized her potential to improve others’ lives. Early on, she was hesitant to go full-time as a spiritual mentor. She fell gravely ill. She thought if she kept on doing ordinary jobs, she was “super replaceable.” She realized if she died the next day, her knowledge, expertise, and legacy would still live through her students, books, videos, and through her seminars. This is how she became a mentor and writer.
She talks about her writing style in general and her book “The Light” in particular. She says she normally writes directly and clearly. While humans are naturally wired for stories. So, to remain memorable and relatable, stories offer a big room. The Light, set in Japan where Jay has lived for many years, explores the human mind, universe, and “living your purpose.”
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Damon asks Jay about some commonalities among her students. She mentors preferably business owners and CEOs because they are spiritually curious. By and large, they have struggled in their lives and achieved their goals. The second commonality is the pursuit of mental fitness. Because at the end of the day, we all want to be whole, and we want to be complete. Another similarity is impostor syndrome. In corporate positions, people are taught to fake confidence through different techniques. They appear confident. In reality, there is nagging insecurity. Additionally, she enumerates many reasons for depression in the corporate class. According to Jay, it is caused by insufficient personal growth.
Subsequently, Damon invites her thoughts on Quantum Universe. She explains that the physical reality controls our planet, say, weather and the like. Similarly, physical principles govern the entire universe. The unthinkable has become thinkable. She gives examples of hyper information, cryptocurrency, digital communication, social media, etc. In a few decades, we have come out of slow-moving, centuries-old evolutionary practices such as masculinity, chivalry, and femininity. We are more open, connected, and transparent. In her view, all of this has cooked depression in our brains.
Damon further asks whether or not Jay has enabled her students to deal with a “deluge of information.” “Massively,” she replies. She thinks if we are unable to deal with hyper-information, it takes a toll on our health which, in turn, affects our business. Mental and spiritual burnouts cause stress and frustration. We must strive for mental fitness and physical fitness which hold their own fruits.
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She concludes the discussion, saying that a young, male entrepreneur faces loads of stress and frustrations than his feminine counterparts and the nine-to-five working class. The female entrepreneurs, by no means, spend an easy life but the former’s tensions are innumerable. The problems of the new era have troubled the men and pulled them further away from their masculine core. When they “become weaker as a person,” we become “more miserable.” And we become “unfortunately more open to manipulation.” She goes on to say that her book “brings them to that truth in the quickest, and the most effective way. So, this is why this book exists.”
The discussion ends with Damon thanking Jay for her time.
people, book, business, universe, world, era, changing, new era, leader, life, happen, entrepreneur, reason, business owners, thought, realized, understand, mind, psychotherapy, men
Jay H. Tepley, Damon Pistulka
Damon Pistulka 00:05
All right, everyone, welcome once again, the faces of business. I’m your host, Damon Pistulka. I am very excited for our guests today. We have Jay H Tapley. here and we’re going to be talking about smashing depression by finding your purpose talking about Jay’s latest book, The Unbreakable entrepreneur smashing the Smash depression, I get smashing on the mind for some reason.
Jay H. Tepley 00:31
And it’s a smashing book. Yeah,
Damon Pistulka 00:33
it’s a smashing book. So, Jay, welcome.
Jay H. Tepley 00:36
Thank you so much for inviting me to the show.
Damon Pistulka 00:39
Yeah, I double want to say thank you for coming here, because it’s late in the UK. Right now we’re at 11pm Plus, and, and I want to just say thanks for coming here late at night and being here with us today. So, Jay, let’s start out with your background. I mean, because you’ve written a number of books in kind of what, what really inspired you to start writing, I guess, or just talk about your background, and then kind of how you got into writing,
Jay H. Tepley 01:10
as so I’ve been searching, mind fitness, mental fitness, meditation, spiritual development for about 20 years now, a bit more than that. And the honest reason why I then started writing books were my students, because they kept asking me kind of similar questions. I thought right, is going to be so much easier if I just put all the answers into a book. So this is how my first book came about. And then later on, I felt books were a great vehicle for sharing information for helping people retaining, sorry, retaining information.
And also, it’s something for people to keep, because quite often, let’s say someone comes to my seminar, or my private lesson, and then they have something to take with them. And something to look through. It really helps retain information outside. And also, the reason why I have all these votes is that so many people who want to train with me, calm necessarily come to London, or connect digitally, because, say, of many reasons, personal reasons. And so if they just want to explore what my work is about, and they want to just take that first step, and learn by themselves at their own pace, then my books are the perfect place to stop.
Damon Pistulka 02:47
Yeah. So you say you’ve been training people on mental fitness for over 20 years? What really? What really got you started with, like, just a wake up one day and said, Hey, I want to train people on mental fitness, or what really got you to that point.
Jay H. Tepley 03:09
Right? Well, I’d say there were two phases to that journey. So firstly, I’ve always been a researcher, since I remember myself. And I was always interested in expanding human potential in growing physically, mentally and spiritually, and wanted to achieve excellence. And the idea of excellence is that you’re not supposed to ever achieve it, but you’re supposed to always try for it. And this is the whole goal of the journey.
And so I started meditating when I was 15, or 16. I mean, on a regular basis. And then I was sharing the things that I found with other people. And so, little by little, I realized that the value of what I share can change other people’s lives. But I was really hesitant to go full-time as a spiritual mentor. Because, you know, it’s not something that people usually do. And quite often, it’s easier to go into a more mundane job. So yeah, Troy, I try that, you know, it’s just a more obvious choice. And I didn’t really feel ready. And I know, it’s like, we’re never ready. There is never the right moment.
But I was postponing in that I was doing other things. And then there was a point in my life. It was some time, I think, in my early sources, when I got rid of RID L from burnout, and I was bedridden for two weeks. And it felt like I was dying. My body was just giving up and at that point I thought to myself, right? Well, okay, what will happen? Suppose if you died tomorrow, what will happen if you continue the same line of work? And it will be like, well, nothing much, really, it’s like a super replaceable. Yeah. And I thought to myself, well, what if you really follow the purpose? What if you followed your calling? If you did what you know you were supposed to be doing in this world?
what would then happen, and I realized that even if I say, died tomorrow, and next week, my, my knowledge, my expertise, my legacy would still live through my students, through my books, through my videos, through my seminars. And so even if I wasn’t physically there, there would still be people who would benefit from the knowledge that I’ve acquired and shared with others. And those people’s lives, you know, my students and their, their students, their lots would be so much better off for it. And I thought, well, you know, well, the choice is obvious. And you should start now. Nevermind, if you’re ready, just. And so this is how my job when it started.
Damon Pistulka 06:20
Yeah. So you talk about that research. And if I remember from our last conversation correctly, you spent a lot of time in Japan and other places where I’m really studying. Explain a little bit of that, because I thought our conversation about that before is very interesting.
Jay H. Tepley 06:36
I started in Japan. So as a much younger person, I lived there. And I lived in Kyoto. I lived in Tokyo, I lived in Osaka, I lived in Nagoya. So I lived in all major Japanese cities. And it was an incredible experience. I still speak fluent Japanese. And I can read and write Japanese as well. I should have one of my books starts in Tokyo. It’s the one called the light which chronicles I have with me here. There we go.
Damon Pistulka 07:11
Jay H. Tepley 07:15
Yeah. So this book starts in Tokyo. And this by the way, is the only fantasy book that I’ve written everything else that I arrived, I just textbooks. And just I mean, I prefer to write to the point in bullet points nice and clear, no fluff, just action steps. And so this is a more natural way of writing for me. But I’ve realized that sometimes for certain people, it’s a lot easier to make that first step toward self development through being told the story because we human beings are naturally wired for stories and stories a lot easier to remember as well and a lot more relatable.
And so that book that I just showed you the light, which chronicles is a story through which you can learn about your own mind, about the universe about living your purpose.
Damon Pistulka 08:17
Ah, very good. Because I think you’re right. And I look at other there are some I shouldn’t say other, I should say some other people that I know that are storytellers, right. When you think about it doesn’t matter the Steve Jobs at Apple or you look at inspirational, an inspirational speaker, because those people come to mind that there’s a story. Now I was just looking at the I don’t remember the person’s first name O’Leary, but, but I was reading their story, and he was burned almost 100% When a young child and now he’s an inspirational speaker, right?
And these kinds of stories, drag people draw people in and get their attention and help do that. And I think that is because some people are not are trying to figure out is it for me? I think rather than Hey, I know I want to do this. Just show me what I need to do.
Jay H. Tepley 09:16
Yeah, yeah, I get both types of people. So I’ve got both types of books for them. There you
Damon Pistulka 09:22
- So 20 years of, of teaching people 20 plus years teaching mental fitness. What are some of the common things that you see in students that start working with you?
Jay H. Tepley 09:39
They are spiritually curious, as I call it. So they are people who are above average, and this is why I work with business owners. I work with CEOs. I work with people who have already put themselves above the majority not In a bad way, but in a way that they’ve worked their way up, and they wanted to achieve more, they strive for more, they have this thirst to be someone better, greater. And to be honest mental fitness.
And spiritual development is for people who want to be a greater version of themselves. Because at the end of the day, we all want to be whole, and we want to be complete. And we want to feel good enough to down. And I know the loads of techniques that must that insecurity, that stifle that anxiety, and make it appear as though you’re super confident. And it’s especially prominent was business people and business owners. It’s super common.
So they’ve all learned those techniques like fake confidence techniques were if they made them feel good about themselves on a certain level, because as they go out, as they present, as they have a sales meeting, they appear confident they appear on top of the world, the really in the heart, somewhere birth relatively within there is that nagging insecurity there is that feeling of not being quiet enough the imposter syndrome, so to speak. And the reason for that is because we as human beings, and we’ll really need to face up.
So it doesn’t matter whether you know, you’re listening as a believer in spiritual area of development, or you don’t, but what we need to understand is that we live in a quantum universe. And as Edison Tesla said, if you want to understand the language of the universe is energy. So think of energy and vibration, we are energy on some level. And so we are not just the physical part of us, we are also the spiritual, the subtle part, the part that in throughout the centuries was described as divine.
So whichever way you want to look at it, it’s there and not believing in it is not going to help because if someone thinks of themselves as just their body, what happens is, they will be limited at some point, because the ability of the body is limited. And that nagging feeling of I want to be more I know I can, I know I should, I must. That is what actually drives people to depression. Because ultimately, depression is, obviously there are many different reasons for it. But especially as entrepreneurs have seen a lot of depression caused by insufficient personal growth. And what I’m saying is absolutely true.
The reason why I’m saying is that it’s, it’s 100%, through not because I’m just trying to encourage people to go and just delve into spiritual development straightaway. But I think what is super important to understand is that we are not just the physical shell, we are the physical shell and the spiritual part of us as well. And so if we don’t integrate the two, if we get kind of lazy and complacent, just in this physical reality, and we forget that we live in this mysterious quantum universe, and we disregard that, that missing part of us will remain missing.
And we will get that message from our mind that we are not quite enough because of that, because we’re not because there is literally a part of us that needs to be integrated. And so I teach men to do just that. So they can feel complete. It translates to their health, it translates to their success, it translates to their relationship with people. Because once you have this wholeness and peace about you, people just naturally recognize you as a leader. So you don’t need to establish your authority. People can sense it.
Damon Pistulka 14:23
Wow. That’s, that’s very enlightening. First of all, because, you know, you talk about you talk about the other quantum universe the part of the Divine as it used to be called. And do you think that people are becoming more aware of that? In absolutely senior?
Jay H. Tepley 14:51
Absolutely. Yes. And I noticed this is all wrong. You see, it’s the changing tide because Every era that humanity lives through, has its flavor, so to speak, you know, pretty much everyone is aware of seasons, like we have four seasons, sometimes two seasons depends where you are. In the UK, we have for eight seasons, if we’re lucky, and people understand that, and it’s natural, you know, you were a different things in summer than winter. And it’s like, super logical. But what most people don’t realize is that our planet, the universe, is also subject to the same laws. It also has its seasons, except they last for a lot longer than the human seasons.
So people kind of lose track of those, but the raw Evers in the evolution of humanity, and we are just living through the change of these eras. And this is why you can notice that over the past 20 years, the world has changed quicker than it has done in the few previous centuries. And suddenly, not just the technology, not just the trouble and communication, but the entire mindset. And the entire paradigm of reality, is going through a huge shift.
So things that were on unthinkable a few decades ago, are now the norm. And we have say cryptocurrency and digital money, which again, are the signs of the new era, which something that people couldn’t even, I think fathom, in the previous decades that were previous centuries. And so because of that, we have a lot more freedom, but at the same time, a lot more insecurity.
Because the previous modus operandi, you know, the basis, the foundation of how we function of how we act of how we see reality, they stop working, like even look in business, how the old way of doing business is dying out. And you can’t just be sitting in the shop and have a fax machine and be content with that. Like, yeah,
Damon Pistulka 17:27
you know, many people aren’t gonna worry anymore.
Jay H. Tepley 17:29
Exactly. And so you have to have social media presence, which, for most people comes as a challenge. And again, it’s a completely new requirement that was has never been there. And people now have to adjust. But similarly to what is happening on the physical plane was our communication with our money system with our business system. Also, what is happening on the subtle level on the level of our psyche, so we exist in time, as living beings, look, fish exists in water, and will live and breathe time. And it colors, everything we do.
So as we are immersed in that new energy of that new era, that new season of the new time temperature that say, we now have to wear different clothing, so to speak. And after a long, long period of very slow, very traditional, very, I would say, feminine oriented and maternity oriented era, we are now entering the era of something completely new, of freedom, of speed, of information and of transparency. So many people are lost because they don’t know what to do.
Same was masculinity, for example, just allow me to quickly expand on that, because I think it’s very important. So what I notice in this area is that many schools that teach masculinity, especially for young guys, for the younger generation, they don’t actually do the right thing, in my opinion, because of what they do. They copy the previous examples from say, late 19th century, the gentleman or the First World War, the Second World War in our the soldier, the hero, the warrior, okay.
And in our era, in the time that we live right now, it’s no longer as relevant as it was back then. And right now, the masculine is expressed in a very different way. It’s actually expressed as a leader and the king and some people understand that intuitively, and some people get lost, but also it’s a very different kind of leadership. because in the previous era, when you said a leader were a king, automatically, you would assume that is someone way above you, and someone up there until you’re down here. But it’s not so for this era.
So the new era creates rulers that are one with the people that they manage. And notice how increasingly the company that intuitively pick up on that when. So the companies like Google, for example, that treat their employees as equals, and they create a team. So the leader is, is a team member is not someone like a boss separate, you know, a godlike figure. And again, that was the old way of running reality. And the new way is that the principle of upscaling the way it’s going to be expressed in the new era.
And the way to really succeed to really have the upper hand in this changing times is to assume that role of the leader, but not necessarily above other people. So obviously, if you are in a managerial position, if you run a business, if you have a team that, of course, you will be, you will be the ruler, the leader of the team. But really what it means is to express your personal power in your personal world. And what I mean by that is, you have complete control over your mind over your responses over your habits. And this is why stoicism, for example.
It’s becoming such a huge thing right now. Because this is exactly what the stoics used to say. They said, You should be in control of how you respond to what is happening to you. And this is key. So many of the schools that teach masculinity, this is obviously a huge, huge, brief overview, but many of the schools that teach masculinity, what they really do, they teach how to roleplay it, not how to embody it. And I think it’s really unfortunate.
Damon Pistulka 22:13
Yeah, yeah. But as you said, it’s, it’s a different time. I mean, I can see it in my lifetime, much different time, from 30 years ago, starting in the workplace, and what just so much, it means it’s, it’s, it’s so much different, I just came, I can’t even begin to explain how much difference is, but when you look at that, I think that this change into being an effective leader today.
And when you talk about, you know, your coaching men, specifically high performing, high performing men and in business in that, that, I think is where your message is so relevant, because 20 years ago, we were told that, you know, that there’s no place for spirituality and everyone, we’re a not everyone, I’m not I’m saying, right, everyone working together, you know, that just wasn’t a part of it.
And, and, and now, when you study, and if when you study and learn, and even, there are people 2000 years ago that knew this, the few Yes. But as we go up is becoming more and more relevant, as you said that spirituality, the piece of it, whether you believe in the universe, believe in a God believe in whatever, there is something that acts upon us and acts upon the universe. And we are all based on energy, that’s physics managed, there’s no way to get around it.
And there are things that happen. And, and when you start to get more curious, and you study and learn, and study and learn, I believe it facilitates more of what you said, at the end there. It allows us to control our reactions better. And really, step back in some situations and as a leader, empathize more, be more effective in your decision making because you’re considering more alternatives and more inputs.
And then the biggest thing, and I don’t know, it’s no secret. I’ve done a lot of a lot of internal growth kind of work in the last couple of years and I catch myself now thinking wrong and stopping it before I do say things wrong. Yes, yeah. And the spiritual growth I think is the spiritual growth is what allows us to do that the thing you know, just thinking about, I do have a choice. As you said, we everything we have a choice the way you know, someone comes is up and gets in my face and yells at me, I have a choice, I don’t need to react to it, they can be mad at me for something.
And that’s the way it is. I can get angry, I can not get angry, I can say I’m sorry, you’re feeling that way. And, and not let it bother me. But it’s it is something that in when you talk about the era, and you talk about the way things are changing, this is killing some businesses. And some leaders and some leaders, they’re just they’re there. They don’t know why they’re not effective anymore, or they’re not in touch with the people that they’re working with. And
Jay H. Tepley 25:36
yes, survival game, you know?
Damon Pistulka 25:41
Yeah. Yeah, it really is. It really is. Because the people that you’re around are changing, and, and the world is changing. And that the, like you said, I just think about simple things, simple things in life. Today, if something happens in the Ukraine, like there is now the thing is happening in Ukraine. Yeah. 40 years ago, we would have had to read a newspaper to see it. There may be 50 years ago, right?
Now we see what happened five minutes ago, we see it, it’s on a video and it’s not television, it’s on somebody, somebody snapped a video stuck it on Twitter or Instagram or something like that, or tick tock and, you know, now we see it all over the world in this we have so much more access to information and good and bad and everything else. I think there’s the do you find that when people start studying with you, and start working on mental fitness, that allows them to really not get so bombarded and torn and just mentally fatigued by that deluge of information that we’re surrounded by every day?
Jay H. Tepley 27:01
Oh, massively, massively. That’s one of the reasons and one of the objectives for the training because you say spiritual development. It’s not just a fancy add on, as many people perceive it. I spoke to people who said, Oh, you know, I don’t want to work on myself now, because I’m busy working on my business. And I was like, Dude, you’re doing it wrong.
Yeah, your business as an extension of you, if you don’t work on yourself, your business will suffer, your team will suffer. And so for me, one of the, one of the privileges, I would say, because I feel really honored and privileged to serve those people, and to show them that the reason, by the way, is that I can take them from that point a where they feel overwhelmed, where they feel really tired.
And you know how many business owners and many entrepreneurs, many CEOs, really, really tired, not just physically, obviously, the burnout is there for people who work a bit too much. But there is also the spiritual burnout, it’s pushing and pushing and pushing, where, as you just said, the tide of the time is changing. And so they feel stuck thinking, Well, I’m doing everything I’ve been doing all my life, or, you know, a few decades up until now, and it worked, and now just doesn’t, I can’t understand why I can’t understand what’s wrong with me. And that brings a lot of pressure and a lot of stress and a lot of frustration.
So to help those people get clarity and the understanding of what’s going on what they need to do step by step, and then lead them through that process. It’s actually a really simple process. It does require work like everything real, it’s not some magic pill and, you know, you meditate like a monk in the, in 10 minutes.
No, it requires work, mental fitness and physical fitness, you have to work for it, but the results are so worth it because you literally become a different person. At the end of it, you become a lot calmer and a lot more powerful as a leader. So you will acquire that natural powerful presence. But at the same time, you will get a very unique insight into your own nature and the nature of other people, which means that you can foresee things in a way and you can avoid conflicts.
You can avoid unpleasant situations before they happen because you will have a really far reaching insight into the nature of reality, and the nature of how people interact. And that will allow you to, for example, get the best possible people for your team, because many people have no idea, they just hire someone who sounds nice. And sometimes it can backfire really badly. But if you can have a really deep insight into the nature of the other person you’re talking to, then you would know the exact role he or she is suited for. And so, a lot less stress, expenses, training time.
So you see your whole business, your whole life becomes a lot smoother. Same for the partners. For example, if you think, oh, you know, I would like to get together with that person. You just know why there is the right decision. So again, a lot more comfort. And that brings us back to that point we spoke about earlier about expressing your true masculine core, because it allows you to be in control, not like a control freak, but in a positive in a evolutionary supportive way.
Where you can really feel that you have this gift, you have this power, you radiate it into your world, and you feel complete, you feel at peace, and you just feel safe in a really weird way. Because, you know, the universe still moves around you, things still happen around you. But at the same time, you have a very interesting, serene self assurance. And that unique quality, not only pervades your own life, but it actually travels, it’s like contagious in a positive way.
It’s like a positive contagion, where, when you are in that place of serenity, of peace, and of being really confident, from the deep level, you know, what it’s called enlightened confidence, then suddenly all are the people around, you get that quality as well. It just transfers to them. And so even if there is a lot of chaos around, you will win. And there is a very interesting story that I can tell with regards to that it was one of my students. So it was many years ago, and that student, he ran a film company, so they created movies, and one of the most stressful jobs in the world, I promise here.
Because in that industry, there is something that always goes wrong. For one reason or another people were slayed things always breaking, whatever needs to be delivered, never gets delivered on time, or at least not all the time. So that requires a superhero mental strength, I would say. And so then we’re filming. That was on Sunday, and one of the main cameras broke. And on a Sunday, in in the UK, everything is that pretty much like it could be just as well in the middle of nowhere, good luck finding anything, everything is closed.
And so he was planning him because they had to finish the shirt. And the camera was not working. And he tried to call for service centers, and obviously they were closed. And then he remembered what he learned from me that treat every moment, just as it is, and act as though you were ready for it. And as soon as he remembered that line, some strange miracle happened in his mind, suddenly, something just clicked. And he thought to himself, right? What would I do? How would I handle this if I was prepared for it. And suddenly, he came up with an idea.
He suddenly realized that he knew someone who could help. And he managed to get in touch with that person. And they actually had the spirit camera and brought to him. And so the finished the filming on time. But he said to me later, if not that mindset, he would have completely panicked. Everyone would be panicking. The ship would just go all messy, and they probably wouldn’t have finished it. And they would have lost a lot of money through it. So he was like, I’m so happy that I’ve learned that from you beforehand.
Damon Pistulka 34:40
Yeah, that’s a great example because you’re right if you if you prepare mentally for things, and I think even for me, because hey, I’ll be honest, if if I didn’t say I had what is it called? Uh, impostor syndrome, you know, my whole life until the last few years and I finally started to get over it. I’d be lying. And the you know, when you’re able to sit there and not only prepare, because you can prepare mentally, and even think through situations, because you’re a lot calmer at that point. But for me at a higher level, trusting that I will find the answer, not knowing the answer. But it will come to me.
Jay H. Tepley 35:32
That’s right. Yeah.
Damon Pistulka 35:34
Because you because you’re part of something much larger. And we there’s, there’s part of our brain that yeah, it’s just it’s matter, and it works and all that kind of stuff. But there’s this, this other part of our brain that makes us who we are, that makes us special in our own way, whatever you want to talk about it.
And I think that part is connected to the bigger universe that, that if you really get to the point to where you are more calm and more trusting in that things will solutions will come to you that never would have came to you before. That’s true to this. Yes. work. So that’s awesome. That’s a great example of that. And, and I’m glad you shared that with us. So let’s talk about your this talk about your book a little bit, because you got the last one, the unbreakable entrepreneur. Why specifically did you write this book?
Jay H. Tepley 36:30
Well, it’s because I’ve realized that a lot of young men in business, this is specifically for business owners, although many other people would undoubtedly get great value from this book. I’ve realized that, especially for men in our society, and especially for entrepreneurs that have really hard life, compared to someone who works nine to five and who has a lot, well, obviously, every job has its stresses.
But at the same time, an entrepreneur has a lot more responsibility this way. And their stress load is a lot heavier, I would say. And because of that many of them, I’ve noticed because I’m surrounded by people in the circle. And I’ve noticed that many of them are really struggling internally. I’m really suffering. And they don’t have anyone to talk to because even though the paradigm is slowly changing right now. Still traditionally For men it had done. Like, don’t be
Damon Pistulka 37:44
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you
Jay H. Tepley 37:49
get you get your stuff together. And yeah, it’s, yeah. It’s like that cool. from Star Wars. Don’t let your personal feelings get in the world. Yeah. So yeah, so for many men, in this community, when there was stuck, they were really stuck. And I’ve noticed that every time they tried to find help of some kind, there, obviously, are people who say that they help with that. But really, I don’t think that doing quite what this tribe needs.
And that will explain because from, from what I’ve researched, and what I’ve noticed, many of the tools and techniques that are being used in psychotherapy and group coaching, really designed for the majority of really designed for the people who follow than lead rather than for those who lead.
And it obviously makes sense, because if we talk about numbers, there will be more people working nine to five than people are starting their own businesses, but still, this community of people who run their own businesses or run businesses on behalf of someone else. There is a huge need for those people for real support that they a need and be deserve. And so with group therapy with weekly meetings with coaching and a whisk counseling, from what I found out, the relapse rate is as high as 92%.
I think 95% Which means that almost everyone who goes through a program like that tackles the same problem afterwards. And I thought it was just not right. And I thought this tribe deserved a much better tailored support. That would be right, just for them created by someone who is an insider who is one of them. So not just therapists who just started psychotherapy as a general counsel. up, but someone who’s been on the same journey, who has seen the same things, and who knows what it feels like to be on that path.
And especially for men, I think there is a lot of wearing in terms of psychotherapy, in terms of self development in the way that would be more suitable, in my opinion for the female mind than for the masculine mind. And many of the techniques that I see you guys sharing, just repeating off to some guru. I go, just guys, this is not right for you, this is actually bringing her down. So this is another reason why I wrote this book, because a when guys who feel overwhelmed, who feel that they are saved losing the game, they don’t get the right kind of support that they need.
And the second reason is that when they do try and go into some spiritual realms, into self development, into mindfulness, they are bombarded with those. Well, I would say gurus, they’re really many of them are just established marketers, I’m sorry to say that they’re not spiritual teachers, their route of really good marketing, in marketing, but their spiritual content is not what it really should be, or not what it could have been. And so because, you know, people, people want that level, pay a lot of attention to prestige.
So they wouldn’t go to someone who, let’s say, has a smaller practice, they want to go to someone like Tony Robbins. So they can be saying, oh, yeah, you know, I’ve been to a Tony Robbins seminar, or I booked private coaching from him. And the thing is, I really don’t want to sound like I’m criticizing other people’s work, but I need to highlight something here, because it’s really important that someone talks about it, because many of those people who are admired right now, and who, as I said, are really good marketers. They have a huge team working for them.
They haven’t really been trained properly themselves. So usually, they started off as someone else, let’s say a sales coach or public speaker. And then later on, they discovered spirituality for themselves. And they went to train to someone who copied it from someone else who copied it from someone else, and not necessarily the right way. Because what happens is it many people as they copy, they try to spice it up. And they try to invent something that sometimes doesn’t belong there. And if they don’t understand the system, what happens is it becomes it becomes Chinese whispers really.
And not just that, but the tradition that they lean on very heavily, is that Eastern tradition from India. And there is nothing wrong with it. It’s a really powerful tradition. But it was designed for a very different mindset for a different perception of reality, in a different country in a different era. And as it’s been assimilated into the Western world, without much adjustment, it’s actually not serving as much as it could. And as I said, the way that the Eastern mind does things is very close, and very supportive to the feminine mind.
And it’s great for people who are naturally aligned with that polarity when, but for men, especially for young men, and especially for men in this new era, this is not the right way because it brings them down because it pulls them further away from their masculine core. And the problem with that is that whenever that happens, whenever you are being pulled away from your truth, become weaker as a person, and you become more miserable. And you become unfortunately more open to manipulation.
And so it means that you are way more likely to absorb other people’s goals, wishes desires, subconsciously without realizing that’s the trap because you don’t do it like oh, yeah, I’m gonna I’m just going to compromise myself and I’m going to live someone else’s life and follow Salem else’s groups. No, you don’t realize that this is happening. And the reason why this is happening is because you’re not rooted in your truth. So this is why it’s so important that people train in the world. A that is aligned with who they are, that is congruent with their truth. And that brings them to that truth in the quickest, and the most effective way. So this is why this book exists.
Damon Pistulka 45:17
That was awesome. Because I think you summed up a lot of a lot of things, a lot of things. And it’s really good. Because
Jay H. Tepley 45:24
this is an open question, by the way, yeah, I’ve
Damon Pistulka 45:27
got I’ve got it here, too, I’ve got it on the Kindle, I can’t get it right onto the screen. But it’s in that it’s in the comments, I’ll make sure it is the, the listing is too on Audible and other places. The I mean, Kindle and I got on the Kindle version. But you said a couple things here that that were a, most of the Guru’s are really, really good marketers, but they may not be rooted in sound fundamentals. That’s my paraphrasing of it.
I agree with it. 100%. And I think back to the people that, that, that I that, you know, they are very good at the marketing, they are very good at marketing and that in and that is, one of the other things that you mentioned, too, is that that about the Indian heritage, heritage, there you go. right word for it. It was developed in a different country in a different time, and in a completely different set of circumstances. And I think that’s, that’s really irrelevant.
And people that are looking for any kind of help is, you know, who, where’s the help coming from and how it doesn’t really relate to me in my life today and what I’m trying to do, and, and then the last thing you said, there, too, is really finding that help that’s aligned with who they are, and not trying to make you necessarily change into something that’s 180 degrees from where you’re at, but really taken and building upon your strengths and moving with who you are to be in a better who you are, rather than making me a new person.
Better who I am. And that’s, that’s awesome. Well, Jay, it’s been awesome to have you, it’s just an incredible talking to you. And I will, we’re gonna have to have you come back again to I think, because I would really like to get into some more details of the book, because this is it, I wanted to say the book is JH Tapley.
We’re talking about talking to you today, the book is the unbreakable entrepreneur. So get on to Amazon, get it, you’ve got eight, nine, there you go, you got the cover up, I’ll have the hard herb the actual physical copy next time. But because this is something that business owners, I mean, they struggle with this, there’s business owners out here around us every single day in this kind of thing, that anxiety, stress, all this stuff builds and we tried to, to power through it, we tried to do that.
And that’s not healthy for everybody. And honestly, a lot of business owners as when I grew up even it was well known that you’re probably going to be divorced, you’re going to have you’re going to be overweight, you are going to probably have a heart attack, you know, it just go down the list, right? You’re supposed to do this. That’s not necessarily the case. If you really work on the things that you’re talking about in your book and, and, and just work on yourself because it can come from the inside out if you do it. Right. And I just thank you so much for being here today. Jay true. Thanks again. Thanks.
Jay H. Tepley 48:47
Thank you. Thanks,
Damon Pistulka 48:48
everyone for listening. Yeah, it’s been awesome. It’s been it’s just incredible to get to talk to you a little bit more. I appreciate you. Thanks so much for being here today.
Jay H. Tepley 48:58
It’s been my absolute pleasure. Awesome.
Damon Pistulka 49:01
Everyone else has been listening today the comments from hi hat and Chris and others that are listening and didn’t comment. Thanks so much for listening. Go back if you listen to this late, get down to the replay. You can see it again on my LinkedIn profile on my Twitter profile on Facebook. It’ll be out on YouTube next week. But go check out JH tech Please book The Unbreakable entrepreneur. We’re talking about smashing depression. For all you entrepreneurs out there. Get back and take this listen. We’ll be back again next week. Thanks so much everyone.
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