• 48:44
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
coaching for high achievers, performance coaching, brand strategy, personal branding, family investment, relationship blind spots, ego and pride, self-sabotage, exponential radar, meaningful work, spiritual practice, healthy family, true friends, personal brand, holistic success
SPEAKERS
Christian Ray Flores, Damon Pistulka
00:00
Music.
Damon Pistulka 00:07
All right, everyone, welcome once again to the faces business. I’m your host, Damon pistulka, and I am excited for our guest today because we have Christian Ray Flores from exponential life. We’re going to be talking today about coaching for high achievers to find their next chapter. Christian, thanks for being here today.
Christian Ray Flores 00:29
Damon, thanks for having me. It’s awesome.
Damon Pistulka 00:31
Yes, yes, yes. Well, Christian, we always like to start our show off the same way, and that’s getting to know you a little bit better, telling us a bit about your background, how you got into what you’re doing today, and you have a very interesting story. So let’s don’t spare the details on this
Christian Ray Flores 00:50
really okay. So it is. It is a confusing story, so I’m going to do my best to tell it in a very concise way that actually makes sense. So currently, what I’m focusing on, I have three main focuses. I’m a little bit sort of distracted. ADHD. Professionally. I do performance coaching for purpose driven leaders. I do this is one company. The other one’s called third drive. It’s brand strategy. It’s we have a small but award winning team. We do incredible media and brand strategy for people. And we also do a lot of philanthropy, so we have this after school academy in Africa and Mozambique called the send Academy. And those are my main focuses right now. So how, how do I get into that? Right? So that’s that’s the backstory, and the backstory actually makes sense. Why I do these three things. Because I basically grew up on three different continents. My mom is Russian. My dad’s Chilean. I was born in Moscow. They moved to Chile. Basically, they were gonna settle there. We’re gonna live and die in Chile, right? And it was a good life, until there was a military coup, a classic Latin American military coup. And at the time, the guys who came to power really bad guys, and they put 10s of 1000s of people in concentration camps, killed a bunch of people, tortured all kinds of people, a lot of crime, lot of just crimes against humanity level stuff, right? And my dad was one of those people. He was in a concentration camp. My first childhood memory scene is looking through sort of the barbed wire my mom was trying to pass food through a soldier to him, and he was among the lucky ones. He was released, so he sort of left with his life intact. But it was a scary few months, and then we spent another few months in a refugee facility, a UN Refugee facility, and eventually got sort of exiled into Germany, Russia, ended up in Africa. My dad got a contract that he was an engineer. So I grew up in Africa, so basically it was exchanging four countries by age seven, very, very different countries, right? Very cultures and languages. I ended up learning four languages by age nine, which I still speak. And that sort of formed a really strange tapestry of of experiences, cultural experiences, suffering, suffering, danger. And that got really topped off when I was a teenager, because my parent divorced, and my my parents divorced, and my mom wanted to go back to Russia. I ended up in the Soviet Union, and this one bedroom apartment, I slept in the kitchen. You’re like, it’s just awful. I was really upset, right? That, you know, because going from a tropical place to a place that had food lines, not a fun experience, and it was cold on top of that. But then it sort of turned around for me, because I got a good education, I got an economics degree, and I went into music, because I was musical my whole life, and I’m in my 20s, I’m going to try. I’m going to try. If I fail, it’s fine. And I ended up being on national television by year one. I went from small clubs to bigger clubs to sports arenas. I was on television, radio, magazine covers every I became one of the biggest pop stars in all of that post Soviet space, like 15 different countries, I toured all over that, and even helped, you know, like the president, Boris Yeltsin was trailing behind the polls, and I had the this number one hit at the time called our generation, and it was sort of this Anthony thing, that everybody was just, everybody was into that song. So his campaign used it in a lot of those, you know, ads. And I campaigned for him, I went on TV, and it was sort of the last time with the Communists were about to win. They were actually leading in the polls, and we sort of helped them collectively, not just me, obviously, to get there and win. And we thought, This is it. Russia is going to be democratic and free. And of course, we were very naive. That sort of reversed when Putin came to power, yeah, yeah. So that’s basically the backstory. And because of that, now I do what I do media, because I produce other bands, and it went into, you know, start promoting media, commercials, doing video, web design, graphic brand, I mean. And of course, my. First big success is my personal brand and I’m a huge fan of personal brand development now, and now it’s the time to actually do it. And then, of course, personal coaching is essentially coming from this, this place of a high achiever, which I was, and realizing that so many of us who are in that, who are just extra driven, right, extra ambition. Ambitious. We have these gifts and these talents and this drive, but we also have these flat sides. And those flat sides, they get us eventually right, and they prevent us actually, from living an extraordinary, exponential life, what I call, yeah, and so one of my passions is to help people like myself. I’ve been doing it for a while to basically be at the peak of their performance, at the top of their industry. These are the people that I love working with. These are the people that I’ve decided I’m going to, I’m going to spend my life making a difference, basically, right? I’m going to be the top of my game. I’m not going to just coast, and I’m willing to do the work to get there, yeah. So that’s the So, the coaching piece, and obviously the philanthropy is, I’ve seen so much poverty, I’ve experienced poverty, and I just wanted to give back.
Damon Pistulka 06:10
Yeah. So you talked about the the flat spots, the that high achievers have, you know, or blind spots, or whatever you want to call them. So what are, what are some of the things that you see when you’re working with higher achievers that kind of run between them. It’s like, you know, if you look at 10 of them, three of them are going to have this kind of a blind spot. Or one because, you know, because there are some similar traits. Oh,
Christian Ray Flores 06:33
absolutely. I mean, the the number one thing is that they, let’s say the number the two top things is this. They will over invest in their professional development, obviously, and they will under invest in their relationship and their family, right, their friendships and their family. And that is I mean, and those two dimensions are hugely important, yeah, human flourishing, even business success, actually, right? Yeah, you make some enemies. You know, your wife leaves you and your kids to resent you. Guess what? You’re not going to be top of your game at all, right? Very, very quickly. And then all kinds of other things, like a domino effect of things like, you get a reputation. You’re a jerk. People don’t want to work with you. Instead of being an attractor, a magnet for other people, where you’re respected, people won’t come to you for wisdom, and that kind of thing, right? And family is just hugely, massively important to do well, long term, on all kinds of levels, psychologically, a source of joy, a source of belonging, a source of decompressing. You know, the thing that’s what we care for at the end of the day, when we’re in our deathbed, right? We don’t care about the bank account or the status or the achievements. We care about the people who love this. So if you sort of under, under, under, invest in that, you end up, yeah, you might get some financial success, maybe a lot of it. But you’re not going to be you’re going to be on your third start. Startup and your third wife who wants that kind of life, right? So that’s probably one thing that make comes to mind. I think the other one is ego and pride, and pride blinds people, and pride robs us of friendships, of wisdom, of progress. You know, you you’re hungry, you’re interested in your advance, you accelerate, and then you reach this sort of mountaintop, and you’re surrounded by, you know, yes, people, people that work for you or want, want your approval. And you don’t have enough people saying, hey, you know, what are you doing? You need to correct course here. And you become essentially very, very much blindsided about all kinds of things. And I find a lot of people that they, they’re eventually they, they get this signal from from life that things are not going well, but because they’ve been in this bubble for so long that they don’t even know how to navigate that, right? They just go, what is going on. So in my Honestly, my passion is to see people have this exponential, expansive, multi dimensional, holistic success that doesn’t become a wall that you hit, you know, doesn’t become a plateau, and maybe you’ll hit a plateau here and there. I think that’s a natural, sort of natural trend of things, but you continue growing, and also every season presents completely different priorities. Yes, so you in one season, you can be very well adjusted and happy, and then you another season comes along and you don’t know what to do, right? Mm, hmm. So how do you how do you pivot? How do you turn? How do you flow with the season? So you’re, you’re really flourishing throughout your life until old age, yeah,
Damon Pistulka 09:51
yeah, that’s awesome. And I’ll tell you one of the things that I learned far too late in life. If is that over investing in your professional and under investing in your family, you know, and and growing up, as I did, working for investors and investor owned companies. I mean, it wasn’t discussed. But, you know, people that were running companies usually were divorced, yeah, and it just that was just the way it was. That was just the way it was, because you you were going to choose between one or the other and and at that time, it we didn’t really understand how to integrate our life and our work to the point that we we can have, and I don’t even like to use the word, but have have a happy, happy medium between the two. You know, people like to say balance, I don’t think there’s ever balance, because it’s always moving. But to be able to create an integrated to where everything works, there’s a way there to do it if you if you do it right. But so many of us grew up in that, that era, or still operating that era where they think that it’s going to be one or the other, and you just long term, you won’t make it.
Christian Ray Flores 11:07
You won’t No. And I learned that, you learned that at what age approximately,
Damon Pistulka 11:12
I was about, I was, I was in my mid, early 40s. Real early 40s, like 3940 and I was like, this is, this is this is not going to work for me anymore, yeah, and, and it was just because I had, I’d hit a divorce, and I was, and it was because of my work, a lot of it, and, or led up to that and all that good stuff. You know how they do it’s, it’s that, and realize it’s just got to be a better way.
Christian Ray Flores 11:41
I hit that same crisis super early. And I think I was sort of lucky, right? Because, yeah, you know, I was like, this pop star, and I had this, this added layer of, I come from three. Literally, this is my third, my third. My generation is the third generation of broken homes, yeah. So I was, you know, I so I was, I wanted to build a family, and I was completely terrified. I was like, if you get married, eventually everything’s gonna blow up, and everybody has their heart broken, right? So I had that fear. And I would basically sabotage every relationship over and over again. Then they added layers that you become sort of this pop star, and you have these, you know, young girls with posters on their walls of you all over the country, like millions, yeah, and you no longer can tell if somebody’s interested in you, for you or the persona, which is really confusing, on top of already existing dysfunction. So I was, like, my dating life was hectic. There was a lot of sort of reactionary stuff going on. I was a jerk. I was sabotage the relationship. And then one of my girlfriends got pregnant. We had a baby. Now what do I do? Yeah, and I can’t change course. I don’t know what to do, and I do the same thing I always do, and I’m a complete jerk to her. And she leaves, and she cuts me off, completely cuts me off from my daughter, and that was it. That was, like, I was 25 years old. I had a number one hit in the charts. I’m clinically depressed. Like, yes, I was already thin, right? I was already thin. And I was like, thinner than thin, right? And it was just awful. And to me, that was, I’m grateful for that, because it was such agony. It was so clear, yes, my ego is up here, my success, fame, everything, and I am a complete loser in in family and romance, in relationships like I literally don’t even know what to do. So to me, it was so stark that it woke me up. And I was like, You know what? I can, I can. I’m okay with sucking at anything, but I will not suck at family. Yeah, I will this, this sort of pattern of broken homes will stop with me. And it was a lot of this, this. It was like this passion. I was militant, and I that’s sort of the time. The first time I got a some I found this guy who’s a Canadian pastor, and he became my first coach. And it was sort of a very classic coaching sort of dynamic where he was basically Mr. Miyagi in mind, right? Yeah. And I was like, grasshopper, I’m like, Just tell me what to do, Mr. Miyagi, just tell me I know nothing. You know, my cup, my glass is empty, you know? And it that was the smartest thing I did. It did because he literally poured into me. I sort of figured it out, like fairly quickly, three, four years of sort of rearranging, and then I meet my wife and I know what to do, yeah, and I’ve been married now for 25 years, right? So, yeah,
Damon Pistulka 14:44
that’s awesome. That’s awesome because you know that foundation, and I learned it later, as you said, but when you have that foundation, and you have that support system there with you, alongside. Of you. It allows you to really, then fully experience not only life, but your professional career as well. Yeah,
Christian Ray Flores 15:09
I mean, now you’re you’re joyful, you’re free, I mean, and that’s, it’s just the beginning, and you there’s, like, all these dimensions that you can do the same thing with. And I use this, this tool called the exponential radar, and we score ourselves in seven dimensions, like all the time, because of that, right? Because if you’re holistically successful and you know what, you know where you’re going, the whole thing really comes together. It’s pretty magical, right? Your emotional your emotional state is good. You have flow. You have creativity of great ideas. You have grit. I mean, because everybody has problems, you can overcome those problems, things don’t face you as much. You collaborate. You love people. You attract people that want to work with you. You don’t like, you know, repel people, which you do when you become sort of dysfunctional, yeah, the virtuous cycle of this kind of approach is pretty amazing.
Damon Pistulka 16:06
Yeah, it is. It is. And that’s cool that you got to experience it early, and now you’re helping other people do it. So as you’re helping people do this, and you’re really looking holistically, and they start to get it, what are some of the things that they say, what are some of the realizations that they have?
Christian Ray Flores 16:24
I think one is they’re surprised, once we start talking about it, how stressed out they are and how, like, they’re numb to the fact that they’re permanently stressed out, like, non stop, yes, you know. And when I, when I teach them, hey, you can, you can change that, they’re like, no, but this is just normal. This is what everybody right? And I go, No, that’s actually not normal. That’s why you’re stuck, you know, like, let’s fix that. And, and that’s sort of one of the big things that people it’s very hard to get out of it because, you know, life, complexities, responsibilities, failures, shame, you know, childhood trauma, all those things, they just sort of pile up, right? They it’s like this, this compound interest of of bad, bad fuel. I call it actually, yes, you know of bad fuel. So you’re running on bad fuel, and you don’t know you’re running on bad fuel because you’ve been running on bad fuel for years, sometimes decades, right? And it’s like, you know, you get on good fuel, and you start going, oh my gosh, this is possible, you know. So, so that’s one. The other one, I think, for me, is, you know, how you, let’s say you go to college, you become good at something, and you’re like, you know, mid 20s or something, you just hit, he just tried, and you start getting, you know, your first deals, or your whatever promotions you know, you get, yeah, more responsibility, etc. And that’s sort of a time where people, usually professionals, they grow, but then very slowly, you know, especially if you become good at what you do, people throw responsibilities at you, right? Yes. So now you have, you know, a department or a company or your VP or something, then you have a wife, wife. Wife has preferences and opinions. You have two and a half kids, you have a dog, you have a mortgage, you have a car, right? You have all kinds status symbol stuff, all these, all these layers add up, and you don’t even notice how you stop growing. You start stop dreaming, you stop creating new things, and now you’re in maintenance mode, yeah, just slow down, and you don’t even notice that. You slow down, right? And you’re like, stagnant. And then after that, you go, why am I unhappy? Why am I not growing? Why? Why are things not coming my way anymore? And a lot of people sort of stay in that space for quite a while, actually, you know, yes. So that’s sort of, that’s another big piece that I notice all the time is sort of this slow down, stagnation, or going in circles, whatever. You know, you’re experiencing something like that. And then the third one, I think it’s this, people are not aware of just how much self sabotage they have again, because there’s a baseline. So they’re in that, let’s say you’re in that sort of plateau mode, right? Even it could be worse. It could be burnout, more, right? Yeah, say plateau. It’s not that bad. It’s plateau. You’re sort of okay, you know. And and one, if you say to somebody like that, you start working with them and going, you know, what are you? You know, imagine three to five years. What’s your ideal day, your ideal week? And that exercise sort of starts moving things. And you go, huh? Sometimes you can’t even imagine it, right? Sometimes you can’t imagine it, but you realize, oh, I have this image in my mind, but where am I now? And the speed I’m moving, I’m not going to get there, that’s concerning. And you go, Okay, so let’s, let’s see how we can get there. What’s that going to you know? And then the move. That are required, the actual action that is required to do that. It causes this resistance, this shrinking of this inner self sabotage, low self esteem and and when you’re in a numb place, you don’t notice it much. But if you’re in an advancing like, Hey, I’m gonna make some changes, please. It just bubbles up to the surface, and people got very raw and self aware. And, you know what, if I, you know, like, all this stuff, and it’s all completely in your mind, that’s sort of the what I try to sort of show people like this is, this is a complete lie, man. You know, let me help you get used to this feeling. And then we’ll, we’ll prove to your mind and to this fear that you have, that this is complete falsehood. Yes, you know. And you can get to a place that you haven’t even dreamt of because you’ve been in the stagnant place for too long.
Damon Pistulka 20:57
Yeah, and it’s super easy, too. I mean, it’s super easy to stagnate like that, because you can roll along and, you know, your career is going well, your life is kind of going well. You’re and you’re just, you’re on that cruise mode. And, you know, as as you if you got family and you got kids or whatever is going on, it just, it just kind of get in that cruise mode. And it is very dangerous, because you are falling behind, even if you don’t feel like you’re falling behind, because you’re not moving forward. And also the world changes. Then the world’s changing around you exactly and and it’s it’s really easy to get in that comfort zone where, where you talk about these things, these permanent stress. I love that. I love that descriptor, because at that level you can stagnate with a very high level of stress. That’s just the way it is.
Christian Ray Flores 21:50
Yeah. You just life, yeah. This is just life, yeah, and,
Damon Pistulka 21:54
and, you know? And then the the self sabotage, as you said, is, well, I can’t change that, because that would require this, this and this and those are so big things, or that would, you know, and we talk ourselves out of 100 ways to make the stress better, to make the stagnation much less and allow us to grow, because the self sabotaging makes it look like it’s a mountain when it really is A series of little hills.
Christian Ray Flores 22:21
It totally is, yeah, yeah. And it’s all, it’s all imagined, right? That’s which is sort of, it’s both funny and frustrating, because this is not even real, you know, it, it’s not even a real danger, right? And there’s a way to sort of train yourself out of it, which is really cool. I love to tell the story, and I’d love to tell you to Yes, you because it’s sort of what these do. I sort of came up with this. I have this term that I basically took from my childhood experience. It was, I was in Africa. We were, you know, we’re traveling and just exploring this beautiful the savannas, the, you know, the animals. And we took this little plane from the mainland to an island, and we would Spearfish me and my dad and my, you know, he would, that was the thing we did together. So the whole family was going, so we’re flying over, over the, you know, the stretch of, I think it was called the Strait of Mozambique, or something like that. And like, miles away from the island, like, maybe three miles away, like, far. There was this dark figure and was flying low. And my dad goes, What is this? And the pile go, oh, that’s Joan. Joan was like, John in Portuguese. It was like, who is he? Well, he’s just fishing for for lobster, for the hotel, for the restaurant. That’s what he does. I’m like, well, where’s the boat? He goes, No, he doesn’t have a boat. He just swims out. And he’s, like, really far. And so we meet Joao eventually, and he takes us to the good spots. And he’s like, seriously, Aquaman, like, at least in my imagination I was 12 years old. I was like, yeah, he’s a god right off the water, and just extremely athletic and amazing. Like, we would see him do his thing when we’re spearfishing, and he would just predict the trajectory of the fish, like three feet ahead and just shoot ahead, and the fish just goes there, that stuff, right? Like supernatural. And so we hang out for like a whole day, and he tells us. So he starts telling me about how he gets lobster, and he goes, when I go down the lobster’s always under the rocks, right? That’s where lobsters congregate. What else is there is sharks, because that’s where they sleep, because they can’t, they can’t stop. They have to keep the water moving through there and under the rocks, that’s where the current goes, right? So there’s sharks there. And we’re like, sharks crazy. And so what do you do when you have to get to this lobster? And he goes, I just shake them. And we were like, what? And he goes, Yeah, we just grab them by the fin, and they swim away. And I just stuck with me because I go, that is the perfect allegory of artificial fear, yes, because the probability of a shark attacking you is super low. Size actually matters. You’re most of the time bigger than the shark. Yeah, the shark will swim away if you shake it, but, but we’re so terrified of sharks as a concept, right, that we wouldn’t probably just panic and go the other way. Exactly. I want to get to the lobster. So even the lobster is a great image, like, if you want to get to the good life, you have to say, you have to shake some sharks along the way, and you have to learn how to do that, right? And I just love that, because that is literally the formula for success. If you if you want the good life, if you want the stuff that you can dream of, if you want to that ideal day, week, month, in three to five years, you have to learn how to shake some sharks along the way. And what are those sharks that let’s identify and let’s talk about that, and let’s just train ourselves to not be afraid of things that we shouldn’t be afraid of.
Damon Pistulka 25:45
That’s a great analogy, though, because it really is about shaking the sharks that that we would, you know, normally would just swim away from, but once we do it, we’re like, well, it’s not that big a deal,
Christian Ray Flores 25:56
exactly. I mean, I see a shark in the water, my first instinct is panic and but the reality is like there’s zero, very close to zero, probability of anything, yes, yes, and that’s what we do in life.
Damon Pistulka 26:11
Yeah, yeah. So great, so great. So you,
26:18
you talk about the secret to a fulfilling life.
Damon Pistulka 26:26
You’ve been around a lot. You coach a lot of these high performers. How do we overcomplicate that? Because everybody says, oh, I want to. I want this life. I want this life. I want this life. And it just seems like we, we we’re overcomplicated. And I think you talking to people like you do, what are some of the simple things that we really need to bring back into our lives, to really think about what a fulfilling life is, yeah, and simple ways to get closer to it.
Christian Ray Flores 27:04
Well, I think one we talked a little bit, we’ll touch a little bit about the family piece and the friends piece, right? This is completely proven. Their studies about it. A lot of what I what I do in my coaching, is based on the Harvard study for human development. It’s a very famous study that went for 80 plus years. It’s the most exhaustive study, and it’s a it’s not a new age thing. It’s a Harvard study. It’s a scientific study, and they basically can measure the top factors for the people that are healthier, wealthier, live longer. Quite literally, you’ll live longer if you do these things, which is sort of important, gets your attention, right? Oh, yeah. And, and they basically name four things, and they say, Look, you need to have some sort of spiritual practice that helps you focus beyond yourself, right? A transcended practice. They call it. It’s not a religious studies. It’s sort of not focused, not you being the center of of the universe, which is that kind of a healthy thing to do. And if you are the center of the universe, you’re narcissist, and it’s a depressing sort of state of being in the first place, right? So having some sort of spiritual practice is the first one. The second one is, is having a healthy, nuclear family. You know, your parents, your siblings, your spouse, your kids, really nurturing that and investing in that, and that will cost you, you know, and I can t, I can tell you exactly what it cost me. But I’ve, I’ve, I’ve given up millions of dollars worth of revenue to get that piece right, because I know this is going to pay off more than the millions, you know. And the third one is friendships. All you need is two, three, really good friends, like really, really good friends, not real friends, but real friends, right? That you’re vulnerable with. And it’s harder for men than women. You know, men are sort of loners. We’re built a certain way, and it’s hard for men to be vulnerable with other men and to trust somebody, and especially asking for guidance. It’s very hard, but getting that right, and then the fourth one is meaningful work. It’s work that you feel like, you know what I was born to contribute this way to humanity. So it’s beyond the money, right? Beyond the prestige, yes, the status is something. You go, I’m so good at this. I was born to do this. It gives me joy. You know, you get those four things right, and you’re basically golden. You know, you will be literally happier, healthier, wealthier, and you will live longer. And that’s the exponential life in my book,
Damon Pistulka 29:47
yeah, and that’s, that’s great. I mean, the one of the things it’s funny you’re talking about, I was talking about this with, with one of my kids, is it’s the meaningful work part. And. I think that the again, in in my age group, we didn’t talk about meaningful work, right? They talk about a lot more now, but I think it’s very easy, even for someone that’s 25 years old, 20 something just got out of school, just starting their career, whatever, wherever they’re at to get in that stagnation mode and wake up 10 years later to realize they’re not doing something they like, and that we don’t really teach that to young people, I don’t think enough to be standing up and looking is this really meaningful work to me. And I don’t mean that it’s all philanthropic. I don’t mean it’s I mean it’s just like you said, it’s got to be something that you’re really passionate about, and something that you can, you can make an impact in the world. And it’s such a waste, because you see the people that have been extremely successful, that have hit this late in life. What do they usually say? I wish it would have found it earlier.
Christian Ray Flores 31:07
Yeah, that’s right, yeah. You know, I did a webinar literally. Let’s see what’s today, Tuesday. Did one on Saturday, right? Yeah, once, I do a free webinar once a month for my subscribers on my newsletter. And this one is called this one I will do actually, every X amount, right? It’s called exponential career leaps. So it’s basically this idea of, how do you make us a leap, rather than as this sort of slow burn thing, right? And I had a few guys there and girls as well. And, you know, the first thing I do is I say, why are you here? And everybody says, I want to improve my career, my improve my career. And, you know, I’m a director, I want to be a VP, but I’m a little bit concerned about this and things like that, right? And then somewhere down the line I go, Okay, what is your vision for your life, your mission? And sort of this, this passion that drives you to do? Can you? Can you score yourself against those things? And it was fascinating. I didn’t even expect that people start cheering. And they stopped, like, one guy says, Well, I want to, I want to serve my church, and I want to do this program for my church, and and then this other guy go, Yeah, I’m, I’m this, developing this, this, I’m a volunteer for this nonprofit. And I said, Hold on, why did you slip from I want to improve my career to something completely different when it comes to mission and vision for your life? And they were just quiet. And I’m like, because you have no passion in your work at all, and then you wonder why you can go from director to VP, that’s why. Like, do you think you’re going to be at the top of your game? You’re going to be excellent, you’re going to be extraordinary, if you have no passion really? Like, how’s that work in your mind? You know, and you’re stuck. And why are you even asking yourself, why you’re stuck? And of course, it’s, it’s it’s nuanced, and you have to figure out why that is and how to change that. Yeah, but it’s remarkable how misaligned we can be for so long. You know? It’s just makes for a miserable life.
Damon Pistulka 33:11
Yeah, it really does. I know you talk about passion, and I got to see this as as my son was growing up, he actually played on a baseball team. He’s got four of the people on the team that went to play in the MLB. So when you see people that, and then he actually, he he worked out with a guy that’s won the Cy Young twice. So that’s And just last year won it. This is a this is a passion. And when you get to those extremely high levels like that, everybody’s good, yeah, everybody’s good. And it’s the passion to keep going when other people won’t. It’s the passion to get yourself in the right state of mind to do what you’re going to do and to do the things that other people won’t not bad things, obviously, but do the right things to keep going and keep improving. Because, like you said, at a director level, it’s hard to get to a director level, but to get to the VP level or a president level, you you have to up yourself to get to that level, not just your skills, because that’s what, as you said earlier, people always think it’s about skills. It’s not skills. It’s about the your passions have to align with what you’re really doing, because that comes through and in really high performing teams, it’s that passion that allows people to work together almost intuitively, with really out without thinking about what they’re doing, that gets them to perform at the highest levels. Yeah, absolutely. And it’s so much fun to see that and and it’s great that you’re helping people, because when. I’m sure when they start to rethink this a little bit, there’s a lot of aha moments
Christian Ray Flores 35:05
they do. And also, you know, you don’t remember how we talked about the baseline of stress and anxiety and all that stuff. Is that what that does also to you, it really puts your self esteem and your your identity into the toilet, and it’s so slow that you don’t even notice it. So once you start saying, Hey, you can be, I can see in you being at the top of your in your industry, and they do not believe you, yes, which is like, stunning, right? And I go, let’s, let’s unpack this. So start working on that, and you, you know, I’ll give you a quick example of someone who had interviewed actually, he’s on my website now as a testimonial this. He’s this young executive that’s commercial real estate, and he’s done it for seven years. He’s really good at it. And it’s just this, the bit, the life in that business, in that corporate sort of role, convinced him he is a cog in a machine, uh huh, and going through this, through this process with me, I’m like, so do you not want to work on commercial real estate? He goes, Yeah, it’s just commercial real estate. What is it? I mean, it’s, what is it? There’s nothing there. Like it’s, I know how to do it. I think I can make good money here, but, you know? And, and I go, Well, why would you stay? And say, you know, I don’t know what, what else to do. So it’s, it’s this sort of, this very way you’re, you’re sort of heavy, you know. And this is a young guy, young guy with insane potential and pedigree, by the way, like connections, pedigree, the whole thing. And I go, Okay, so let’s unpack this. And I said, okay, and I’m not gonna sort of give you all the, all the sort of nuances, but basically, I said, Look, here’s what, how you can re approach your whole business and reinvent it actually, and I’ll give you three steps to do it. And I and I said, Okay, I’ll just I described the steps, and he goes. And he goes, You can do that. And I said, Well, can you know the industry? Do you think you can do that? That’s going to make a difference? He goes, that’s absolutely going to make make a difference. I said, Do you still feel like you’re a cog in a machine? He goes, No. Do you still feel like it’s just brokerage and nothing else is possible. He goes, No, I can totally reinvent this. You know, pretty cool stuff, right? It is all in, it’s all, it’s all in our heads. Basically, yeah,
Damon Pistulka 37:33
it is amazing, though, as you say, perspective and how much of this with the right coaching and and a change in our perspective, it just the world opens up. Yeah, yeah,
Christian Ray Flores 37:47
yeah, it really does. And I think, I mean, that’s part of the the other business that I do is personal branding, right? Yeah. Why? The reason I do that is because I know the effect of it, and why we we don’t do personal branding because we think we’re cog in the machine, because we don’t think we’re extraordinary, we don’t think anyone’s going to listen. And that is literally the best way to stand out. It’s the best way to serve in the best way to scale. So and even I fell victim to that honestly, because I, like in my first season, in my first professional success, that was literally my success, right? Like one day I was growing up in the Soviet Union. I tell this story because I love the irony of it. I’m like in this sitting in this classroom, bored out of my mind, and nothing can ever change. It’s like the kingdom of mediocrity, right? Yes, no upward mobility, nothing. And I’m drawing, I would doodle these logos. And for some reason, and they represented the West, they were presented possibility, you know. So I would do like Adidas and Nike. And for some reason, I like how kiss drew their logo with the SS, with Yeah, with the lightnings and, and I did all kinds of things like that. And, and by engaging in a music career, which was very counterintuitive, my parents didn’t want to do it. It’s like, it’s the quintessential personal brand, like, I’m gonna basically say I will perform, right? And and bet on that, and the odds of success are, like, zero, right? And like, seven years after six years after that, I had a endorsement deal with guests. I didn’t own guests. I didn’t have access to Adidas, like I just dreamt of Adidas, of owning a piece of clothing or or sneakers. I had literally a deal, an endorsement deal, with Adidas. My posters were in every store. Endorsement deal with head and shoulders. Have this commercial and all kinds of you know, I had good hair, and then years later, when I moved to the States, I started this production company. We did music videos and music production for Eastern Europeans artists in Hollywood. I produced a rock album with the producer of kiss in the studio of kiss in higher. One of the kiss guys to play a solo guitar for me in my point is you will never know what is possible until you put yourself out there as a personal brand and say, I believe in doing m&a, I dame, and believe m&a should be like this. And I can help this particular way, and I can change you from just an owner who maybe have a sort of, sort of goes into the into the horizon, with their business, their board, whatever, to exiting with 5x of what you expected. And you will have a great retirement, and people will inherit a great business, and you’ll be proud of it. It’s a legacy, you know, I Damon, will do this for you, and you create a personal brand, then you speak out about the specifics of it with great passion, and you attract people to yourself, because no one does it like Damon does. That’s it. That’s the personal brand. Yeah,
Damon Pistulka 40:56
yeah. I always, I always use the same picture every time when I tell people about if you do it right, I always think about it because I think it’s the funniest, most US thing that you’re going to see. It’s at the end of a NASCAR race, when they’re spinning the car around, when they win, and the grass and all that, and the smokes flying and the flags coming out. I’ve used that at the end of every presentation I do, because if you do your exit right, it’s going to feel as happy as that guy is winning his or girl. Because there’s guys and girls there now, when they win that race and they know they just take it home the big check, they’re going to go pop the champagne, man, because
Christian Ray Flores 41:36
that’s what it’s like. And you’re going to be the one who takes them there, right? Oh, yeah. And you can, you can own it, you can have pride in it, and you don’t have to do it sort of under, you know, behind the curtain. You’ll just proclaim it from the rooftops, because you have the secret sauce. And I believe anyone can have a personal brand, yeah, like that, you know. And it’s the best way. It
Damon Pistulka 42:01
is because you, you, well, there’s that, and the personal brand. When you talk about personal branding, and I, I had no idea, and I still don’t have a great idea about personal brand, other than we are all gifted and unique, if we just allow ourselves to do that, and the world is ready to see it, and and, and the right people will come around you when you do it, but that personal brand allows people that to either come towards you or go away from you. And going away from you is just as important as coming towards you. Yeah, exactly. Because if you try to go like this, and I’ve something to everybody, you’re going to find that you don’t want a lot of those people around you in the first place. And that personal brand just brings the right people the right opportunity and and gives you a great perspective, I think.
Christian Ray Flores 42:53
And I mean, you doing this show is personal branding, right? Yes, it’s basically you saying, This is who I am. I want to talk. This is the kind of people I want to talk to. I like talking. I’ll express my views. And in this whole thing, people go, you know, I like this guy. I trust this guy. He has insights. That’s personal branding. That’s it’s reputation at scale. That’s what it is, yeah, you know. And to not do it to me, seems like it’s just stunning to me when people don’t do it right, go, really? And I mean, some of the friends that I’ve that I talked to, that I coach, that’s they’re like, in the shadows. And I’m like, why are you in the shadows? I see this in you. I can tell you, like, in five minutes, how the personal brand would look like, feel like, you know? And it’s fear. The only reason for not doing it is fear, right? And it’s this sort of, this disbelief that, oh, maybe this is, I don’t think I’ll do well, and it’s going to be too hard. And it is hard, you know, it’s not easy, you know, for anybody. But I look at them and I go, and I think maybe what helps me in my work is that I’m an immigrant, right? Is that I go, okay, so hold on. You live in the most prosperous country on the planet. In the freest country on the planet, 72% of the population of the planet is under authoritarian regime right now. 5.8 billion, I think something like that, right? 5.6 so you live in the freest country on the planet the most prosperous you are by being even in the middle class of America, in the one top percent of earners on the planet. So you have this freedom, you have prosperity. You have wealth. On top of that, you are in an era in history that has never come before, until like maybe seven years ago, Max in history, in history where you can serve anyone, anywhere, at any time on the planet, and you’re telling me that this is not a good time.
Damon Pistulka 44:55
I love how you said that. Seriously. Yeah. Yeah,
Christian Ray Flores 45:02
so it’s the immigrants perspective, I guess,
Damon Pistulka 45:04
well, we and it’s a great that perspective is great. And I’m sure you really helps your clients, your people you’re talking with, because it is, it is, we often forget that, right? We grow up we don’t realize, realize what we don’t realize, or don’t think about what we really need to sometimes. But man, Christian, it’s been awesome talking to you today and and really incredible getting to hear your perspective on on helping these high achievers overcome, you know, find their blind spots, move past them and get get towards that. And then your thoughts on the personal branding, because that that combination is very important for those high achievers, because that personal brand then allows them, like you said, take themselves to the masses, to even improve that success further. So if people want to talk to you about your coaching, your personal branding, what, what’s the best way to get a hold of you? Well, if
Christian Ray Flores 45:58
they want to, if they want to just sort of enjoy some of the stuff that I talk about, just like today, right? You can go to you can subscribe to my newsletter. It’s free newsletter until like three weeks. If you full you want access to the full archive, you pay like the equivalent of a latte a month or something like that. It’s a lot of good stuff, right? I I drop a newsletter every Sunday. There’s videos, there’s books, there’s all kinds of resources, and it’s all basically free. If you’re like, one of those people that go, Okay, I need to talk to this guy, right? And you’re like, in the 1% of the 1% of people who actually will do something, yes, you can go to exponential. That life exponential without an E just starts with an X. And that’s the website. And in there there’s a really cool tool that I basically use with all my clients. It’s this exponential radar tool, and we made it free for everybody, and you can go to exponential that life slash score, or just see it on the website, on the main page, and he asks you, like, 40 questions, and it’s based on a lot of research. It takes maybe seven eight minutes to complete, and what you’d get in your inbox is this clear report of where you’re at across the most important dimensions of life, and it’s you’re either good or medium or low, and it gives you this very crisp picture. And you can just take it home and process it and decide what to do with it, or you can reach out to us and schedule a strategy call. We’re mostly overbooked, so even if you schedule one, it’s free. We’ll just say, hey, here’s some advice to you. And if you go, you know, I really want to be coached, we’ll just add you to the wait list. And when a spawn, a spot opens up, we’ll just let you know.
Damon Pistulka 47:33
Awesome, awesome. Well, Christian, thanks so much for being here today. I really appreciate it, and appreciate you stopping by and sharing your perspectives. And I just want to say thank you once again, and everyone out there, if you got into this late, I want to tell you, you need to go back to the beginning. You need to start over. Listen to Christian, Christian from the beginning. And we did so much good stuff in here. And I want to say I cannot pronounce your name, but she said, can you say the four things again? And I will. They were spiritual, healthy, nuclear family, friendships and meaningful work, if I remember, right, that’s right, I hadn’t written down. But thanks for that. And I want to say thanks everyone for listening out there. If you didn’t comment, we appreciate you being out there. We appreciate you coming back every week. I could see we had some listeners out there doing your thing. Appreciate it. Christian, hold on for a second. We’ll finish up offline. Thanks again for being here. Thanks, Damon, you