Harnessing Emotional Intelligence for Success

In this, The Faces of Business, Dennis Berry, Founder & CEO, Heart Of Wealth Mastermind Group, shares his insights on harnessing emotional intelligence for success so you break free from limitations and unleash your full private and professional potential.

In this, The Faces of Business, Dennis Berry, Founder & CEO, Heart Of Wealth Mastermind Group, shares his insights on harnessing emotional intelligence for success so you break free from limitations and unleash your full private and professional potential.

Dennis is a Certified Life Mastery and Business Development Coach dedicated to helping entrepreneurs and leaders eliminate obstacles and achieve massive growth. With over 18 years of experience in the field, Dennis has empowered countless individuals to align their passion with purpose and create a specific action plan for daily progress toward wealth management.

Dennis has a remarkable story of personal transformation. Having overcome his challenges, he embarked on a sobriety journey on April 8, 2003, which became a turning point in his life. Since then, he has maintained his sobriety and emerged as a successful businessman, athlete, and devoted family man. Dennis’ experiences fuel his unwavering commitment to helping others harness emotional intelligence for success.

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Damon starts the show by expressing his belief in the importance of helping others. He commends Dennis as an excellent example of emotional intelligence and acknowledges his potential to navigate through challenges.
Damon then asks Dennis to share his journey leading up to his current role, highlighting his entrepreneurial background and the evolution that led him to establish his business.

Dennis shares his journey from being “a party-loving ski bum” to reaching a low point in his life at 31. He made the life-changing decision to get sober and has remained alcohol and drug-free for the past 20 years. Dennis believes sobriety is about personal growth, emotional responsibility, and facing life’s challenges. He acknowledged that childhood experiences can shape how we react to difficult situations and admitted his struggle due to a lack of emotional training during his upbringing.

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Damon asks Dennis about alternative situations if the latter had possessed his current understanding of emotional intelligence and sobriety during those earlier stages of his life.

Dennis believes that in life, circumstances shape us, and it’s best to accept and learn from them. He mentioned his successful entrepreneurial experience with the Rare Coin Warehouse, highlighting the realities of entrepreneurship: financial fears, relationship challenges, health issues, and constant problem-solving.

Appreciating Dennis’ viewpoint, Damon requests the guest to talk about how his phase at Rare Coin Warehouse contributed to his current work on emotional intelligence.

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The EI wizard reveals that he unintentionally started the Rare Coin Warehouse, which became successful by selling coins on eBay. He learned valuable business lessons but struggled with managing his emotions, experiencing stress, and overwhelm. He realized that drugs and alcohol weren’t the problem but distractions from addressing underlying issues. Understanding this transformed his perspective on life, relationships, and business, leading to a more fulfilling journey.

The guest also discusses his coaching journey, focusing on addiction, codependency, and childhood wounds. He notes the impact of early experiences on emotional wounds and behaviors. Without learning healthy coping skills, people may struggle with low emotional intelligence. He emphasizes the need for coaches and mentors to help reprogram thinking patterns and improve leadership and relationships.

Damon inquires about the transformations people experience when they address emotional intelligence and make positive changes. He mentions issues such as anger and dependency and intends to know how emotional intelligence can improve lives and leadership skills.

Dennis says that working on emotional intelligence positively changes various aspects of life, including health, relationships, and leadership. He gives importance to all aspects of life, whether personal or professional. Understanding the origins of our behavior and learning to respond differently transform our lives. Dennis highlights the importance of emotional regulation, empathy, and active listening in developing emotional intelligence. When we become comfortable in our skin and live authentically, we can succeed in business, travel, health, and relationships.

The guest stresses the significance of mindful living and practicing emotional intelligence. Starting the day with a mindful routine sets a positive tone. By being centered, drinking plenty of water, and focused, we can navigate challenges with emotional intelligence and avoid emotional reactivity. Daily practice is key to maintaining resilience and responsiveness.

Damon notes the benefits of emotional intelligence and mindfulness, thinking it is practical to handle challenges.
Dennis advocates embracing the reality that problems are an inherent part of life. According to him, happiness comes from solving problems rather than avoiding them. Dennis mentions that as people age, they gain wisdom through life experiences and pain. He shares a technique he learned from a mentor, which involves responding to challenging situations with the phrase, “Isn’t that interesting?”

Damon asks about the timeline for seeing noticeable changes in our lives when starting to work on emotional intelligence with Dennis.

In response, Dennis maintains the importance of honesty and awareness as the first steps toward change. We already possess the necessary awareness by expressing the desire to improve emotional intelligence. Dennis shares a practical tool he uses with his clients: writing things down. By slowing down our thinking and bringing awareness to emotional reactions, we can identify the underlying thoughts contributing to the problem. This process helps reprogram the subconscious mind, which has been shaped over many years.

Similarly, Dennis has devised three key aspects: mindful living, prioritizing health, and showing restraint. Mindful living involves being present and aware. Prioritizing health means avoiding unhealthy foods and focusing on exercise and hydration. By incorporating these practices, individuals can improve their thinking, communication, and behavior and react less.

Damon asks about Dennis’ Heart Of Wealth Mastermind Group, inquiring whether or not it is operational.
Dennis reveals that his emotional intelligence consultancy thrives with regular meetings and exciting guest speakers like Mark Victor Hansen. Members receive one-on-one coaching with Dennis and are encouraged to contact him for more information.

Dennis helps his clients manage emotions. He shares a story about a friend who inherited wealth but struggled with feeling left out and unhappy. Through their work on emotional intelligence, he learned to let go of worries and not take things personally.

The guest describes emotional intelligence as an ongoing practice and a transformative journey that makes one immune to negative emotions. The magic lies in the shift of perspective and the ability to approach life with excitement and mindfulness.

As the show inches closer to its conclusion, Dennis emphasizes the importance of seeking help and asking for guidance when faced with challenges. Whether in business, health, or relationships, asking for help can lead to faster and more effective solutions.

The show ends with thanking Dennis for his valuable tips. He encourages listeners to revisit the discussion for a deeper understanding of the concepts shared by Dennis, particularly the idea of living life lightly.

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49:13
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
people, business, problems, life, emotional intelligence, talk, relationships, drinking, day, dennis, writing, living, years, man, thinking, react, learn, work, damon, health
SPEAKERS
Dennis Berry, Damon Pistulka

Damon Pistulka 00:00
All right, everyone, welcome once again to the face of the business. I’m your host, Damon Pistulka. And I am excited for our guests today, because we have none other than Dennis Berry is going to be talking with us about harnessing emotional intelligence for success. Dennis, welcome. Thank you for being here today.

Dennis Berry 00:21
Thank you, Damon, we talk all the time, and it’s so it’s an honor to be on your show and to talk with you live one on one, see if we could solve some of the world’s problems.

Damon Pistulka 00:33
Well, if we could just help one person, that’s what I always think of anything we’re doing online, if it helps one person, I’m a happy camper man. And I think it’s gonna be it’s gonna be incredible a day with you talking about emotional intelligence. And I think that you are an extremely strong example of emotional intelligence and what it can do for you how it can carry you through things. So, Dennis, let’s start back off aways because you, you were an entrepreneur, and you did a lot of other things before you’re doing what you’re doing today with your heart of wealth mastermind group and helping people. So let’s start back aways and kind of walk through how you got to where you are today.

Dennis Berry 01:19
Yeah, and if we go way back to 33 years ago, when I graduated high school, I went and I went in up to the mountains, and I became a ski bum. And I was, and I was a crazy maniac party animal. And it was fun for a little while, until it wasn’t fun anymore, but then I did. And it was just a crazy lifestyle. And that went on for all of my 20s. And until I was about 31 years old, and I just reached the end of my rope, I was physically, financially spiritually bankrupt. And I got sober. And that was 20 years ago, and I haven’t had a drink or done any drugs in the last 20 years. And we were talking about smoking right before too, and I quit smoking. I smoked a little bit after that. But to address that, getting sober not it’s not a not drinking contest, it’s about growing up and looking the world in the eye and it’s about being a responsible adult and managing your emotions. And that’s what ties into what we’re talking about today. And and it’s not easy for everybody because a lot of our reactions and the way we respond to the world goes back to our childhood and that was the reason I was drinking because I wasn’t trained well on how to react to the world when it gets hard

Damon Pistulka 02:49
wow wow that’s I’m writing some notes here man because we got some things we’re going to be talking about. So your your ski bum you’re done your pasture ski bum days in and you started at the gathers I’m looking through your stuff you’re on LinkedIn man, you’ve you’ve been, you are at the rare coin warehouse you are culinary fitness, sales and marketing territory sales manager for Cisco, you you’ve done a lot of stuff in your in your past. What do you think you really learned about yourself going through those different things that you look back on now. Knowing what you know about emotional intelligence, and knowing what you know now about sober you compared to then what do you think you would have done differently if you went if you had some of that knowledge and went back today?

Dennis Berry 03:47
Yeah, well, that’s that Hindsight is 2020. If I Yeah,

Damon Pistulka 03:50
yeah. But I mean, just just some things you go, Ah, man, you know, but some things that were good too.

Dennis Berry 03:58
Yeah, sure. And, you know, when we talk about like, where we are today versus what could have been, it’s like all of the, the all of the circumstances in our life, The Good, the Bad, and The Ugly, they all brought us to where we are today. And you can’t change any of them. So the best thing you can do is accept them learn from them and use them to propel yourself forward. So one of the things you said where I was was rare coin warehouse that was actually my business and I built that business to $3 million a year. It was a very good lucrative business. And that’s where I learned the most about myself was building business and the you know, entrepreneurship is not for everybody. We it’s a big buzzword people throw around a lot. Yeah. Everybody wants to be an entrepreneur experience freedom drive, Lamborghinis and travel all around. That’s not the way that it goes. You do right. Yeah, that’s that’s not how it goes at all. What it’s really about is like financial Fear and relationship problems, health problems, stress, overwhelming stress, and constantly revamping the way that you have to go about your business and your life. On a daily basis. Yes, solving problems on a daily basis, and doing it calmly. You know, that’s the difference. And that’s how the difference between successful Well, I should say, successful and happy people and unsuccessful people. Yeah, is that

Damon Pistulka 05:29
there’s a difference. There’s some successful people that are miserable as hell. Yeah. And

Dennis Berry 05:33
I’ll tell you, I know some of those people, a lot of those people. And I have some friends that make less than $20,000 a year that are happier than some of the millionaires that I know. And money isn’t the answer to all your problems. It does buy freedom, and it does take a load off. I always talked about Forrest Gump. Do you remember when Forrest said, Oh, and Lieutenant Dan mailed me a letters that they invested in Apple, and he goes on, I wouldn’t have to worry about money anymore. And I thought, that’s good. One less thing. You know, it’s worrying about money. It’s like one less thing he had to worry about. But there’s still all these other things that we worry about. Money doesn’t solve all of our problems. It does. That’s just one less thing that we have to worry about. I don’t worry about money. But I have plenty of other things. That

Damon Pistulka 06:25
yeah, yeah. Good point. Good point. So as you’re as you’re moving forward in the in that and you’re in the rare coin warehouse, looking back at it today. How do you think that helped prepare you for working on emotional intelligence like you do now?

Dennis Berry 06:43
Yeah, that that? And maybe I didn’t completely answer that question. Because my brain started wandering. But when I started that business, it was actually unintentional. I was like, every couple other businesses that I had, I had a catering company, I had I made candles, I had a candle making company, I did all these things. And I started but they were all failing, because I didn’t really know how to run a business. And so I started selling coins on eBay, to supplement my income. And it kind of took off, I was in the right place at the right time, I borrowed some, like $20,000, to buy an inventory and start growing. And that’s where I learned it took off. And the market hit like when, in 2008, when the market crashed, and everybody lost their money, I made lots of money because I was well positioned with commodities and precious metals, gold and silver. And so so there was a little bit of luck there. But the harder you work, the luckier you got. Yeah. But what happened was I learned a lot about business, about life, how to handle clients, customers, whatever. And, you know, building websites, e commerce, and all the things that go into a business. But I also yelled and screamed a lot. I also was overwhelmed with stress, I would lay in bed, like, oh my god, what am I doing? Am I handling this the right way? And I and I would invest a lot of money on a weekly basis 1000s of dollars. And I was like, am I am I getting this back, I had to pay out huge fees. So I didn’t manage my emotions well. And this went on for a long time. And now keep in mind, I was sober this whole time. And I didn’t have drugs and alcohol to go to like a lot of people do. So what I’ve learned over the years is that the drugs and alcohol, they’re not the problem. It’s what I’m using to cope with a real problem, which is my thinking. It’s my subconscious mind and the way that I react to the world when it gets difficult. So I used drugs and alcohol, some people use porn, or food or Netflix, binging are eating fast food and two o’clock in the afternoon, over eating, those are all the same thing. They’re all distractions, from feeling and taking care of my responsibilities. So when we start to really understand that a deep level, then wife takes on a new meaning our relationships and our businesses take on a new meaning. And we just grow and life is just becomes more magical that way.

Damon Pistulka 09:20
Wow. You said something there that just hit me hard. That you know, the way we think about things is the problem. Not the not the drugs or the alcohol or whatever it is there. You’re right.

Dennis Berry 09:37
And that’s Go ahead. Yeah, you know, in our reactions to things. This goes back. I did a lot of work over the years. What brought me to where I am today. It was originally I started doing coaching for addiction and alcoholism. 2005 A couple years into this right before I even started the coins, but it was a lot different coaching back then. It wasn’t like it is now, like we used to meet in coffee shops. And it was, it was a different thing. But you know, over the years, I also did a lot of work with codependency, working with couples and teens. And what we find is that a lot of the behaviors, and there’s a lot of, you know, psychologists that do this type of work, I’m not allowed to say, I’m not a doctor, but you know, all this stuff goes back to our childhood. So like, your emotional wounds, and our reactions to the world come from being a child. So there’s the five, if you look this up, it’s fascinating stuff. And it’s the source of all of our dysfunction in the world. But they’re the main emotional wounds. There’s a abandonment, which all of them are stem from abandonment, fear of rejection, the wounds of rejection of humiliation, and injustice. And what’s fear among the spa right now, fear of abandonment, rejection, betrayal. So those are the five wounds. And what happens is, people are like, Oh, I remember in high school, this thing happened to me, and I felt rejected. And that’s why I behaved the way I do. But that may or may not have happened. But the truth is, our wounds happen between the ages of like zero and two or three years old. And it could be that when we were we were like six months old, and we wanted our mom to pick us up, but she was like doing the dishes and couldn’t pick us up. And we got we got wounded in that moment. And what do we do as babies, we start crying. That’s what we do to protect ourselves. And as we grow older, and we don’t learn new coping skills, to the same behavior, we start crying, or we started kicking and screaming, or blaming, accusing, you know, we find other ways of coping with that wound with that pain. And, you know, fast forward to 15 years old, I’ve was drinking. For me, it was drinking and getting sun. Those are my ways of coping with the pain, the childhood pain. And if we don’t learn new, healthy coping skills, and most people really don’t on their own, we end up being 2030 4050 years old, with low emotional intelligence. And we’re not qualified to run teams or businesses without yelling or screaming or, you know, being a boss versus a leader. Yeah. And that’s where all that stems from, it goes way back. And so we can grow, reprogram the way that we think, which is the good news, but it’s really hard to do on your own. And that’s why it’s important to have coaches or mentors in your life to help reprogram the way that we think.

Damon Pistulka 12:45
Yeah. So as you’re talking about this, and what we learn when they’re really young, what are some of the things that you see people coming to you with that, that, that that have been transformations form, right? Because we’re talking about dependency, alcohol drug dependency a little bit ago. But there’s other things. I mean, you talk about anger, you talk about not mean, just what emotional intelligence gives people that once you learn better ways to think, as you said, what are some of the things that you see people the improvements you see in their lives and their leadership skills and things like that, when they start to really think about emotional intelligence and make some of those hard changes?

Dennis Berry 13:32
Yeah, it does. It requires work. And when you when you do the work, you’re, it changes not only the way you do business, but your health, your relationships, all relationships. I mean, all of our lives are really relationships, whether it’s friendships, family, sexual relationships, business relationships, they’re all relationships. And we are the we have, we don’t realize that because we’re, they’re different, obviously. And we so we kind of, we don’t put them in the same bucket. But fundamentally, they are similar. We react the same way. With our spouse and our bosses, we just don’t realize that it might come out in different form, but we’re still overreacting. So once we learn where our behavior comes from, and how we can react or respond differently, then it transforms our entire lives, all of our relationships, the way that we lead our teams, the decisions we make to grow our businesses, the way we respond to our spouses when things don’t go our way or our children, or the way that we respond to people that have different political points of view. Like, everything is different. We become basically what I said earlier, it’s not about not drinking, it’s about being mature. It’s about regulating your emotions. And that’s what emotional intelligence is. It’s identifying your emotions, and responding intelligently and also the emotions of others. It’s having empathy. It’s listening intently, without thinking about what you’re gonna say next, or interjecting your opinion or your point of view. And when you start behaving that way, everything in your life has transformed. And then we stop taking things personally, which is a huge, huge obstacle in our lives. Like when we start taking these. No, that’s like the Four Agreements, when we start, we make assumptions on the way people feel about us, or think about us or what they’re going to do next. So we’re very skeptical, right? We approach everything with this skeptical stance, and then we can’t grow or learn or be successful when we’re so skeptical. And skepticism is a big problem in business and for our relationships, too. And every area of our life, so stop making assumptions, not taking things personally, and stop being so judgmental about people. And in and we start becoming comfortable in our own skin. And when we are, we don’t need to behave that way. You know, there’s nothing to defend. And when you when you don’t have to defend anything, and you’re just living from your heart, in your mind and your center, then you can do anything you want. You can build businesses, you can travel the world, you can be healthier, finding love or improving your relationships.

Damon Pistulka 16:37
Yeah, good stuff. Good stuff. Because I mean, you hit it, you hit a ton here, and then to people listening there. I’m gonna stop just for one minute, I’m gonna say, hey, Michelle, great senior today. Ryan Marshall, we got gotcha here today to the shisha, and cost of great to see you. So. So acknowledge you guys. Thanks for dropping the comments in and, man, you just dropped a ton there, because I learned something and I’m not well versed in this like you are but and you said it again today. The talk about we get input, like something happens, we get somebody says something to us. And you mentioned this earlier, this is how we think and a lot of times, we’re just boom, it comes right back out. And to me, when I think about emotional intelligence, personally, it’s giving me my my work on emotional intelligence is given me a split second, or two or three or four to go. Now how should I respond to that, really, rather than just puking out what I would have done 20 years ago. Tell me about that. I mean, is that is that something that you see people doing as they do the work and start becoming more emotionally aware and intelligent is that they’re really starting to think about, hey, that person just insulted me or that person just said, they love me or that person, you know, is is is this or that or I in this situation, and now they can just go, oh, and then this is how I should think about it. And then they take the time to do what they want is that at least part of what’s going on and people that are working on their emotional intelligence is really thinking about things before they respond.

Dennis Berry 18:33
Yeah, and it happens in a split site, the more you practice it, the more intuitive it becomes. So what we our goal is really to have emotional, non emotional responses versus emotional reactions. And it comes from living mindfully. Right? So if we’re living mindfully, and that living mindfully takes practice. There are very few people that are born with the that calm, emotional intelligence. Yeah. That being and I’ve met some of them we all have, and we look at them. And we’re like, how can you be so calm and cool and collective and humble? And empathetic and, and all that. And for the rest of us, Oh, the other 99% of us, we need to work out. And for me, it had to come in the form of being mindful. And that is everything. People are looking for the magic solution for that. And there isn’t, well, they make pills and you know, Xanax and stuff. But the truth is, is like, it really comes down to mindful living, meditation, exercise, taking care of your health and all those things. So those types of responses are the result of living well. So when we’re, when we’re living well, there’s no need for those types of reactions. So for me, it starts in the morning. I always say when the morning when the day A lot of people say that it’s a common I can’t claim to I didn’t come up with that. But it’s the truth. If I wake up in them, we have a choice every day, when we wake up how we want our day to go. So if I wake up, and I grab my phone, and I look at Facebook and look at my friends, differing political opinions, or I watch the news, and I get upset and worked up, and that’s the way my day goes. And then I wake up and I eat something sugary for breakfast, drink too much caffeine and sugar. And then I’m off today, I get in my car, and there’s a traffic jam, and I’m given the finger. And that’s the way the whole day goes. Yeah. But if I wake up, and I’m mindful, and I could sit for a moment, and I could be calm, centered, you know, I like to meditate. I meditate every morning. But it you don’t have to wear orange robes and sit in the Himalayas for three months to meditate. You can meditate on the toilet, you can meditate in bed, there’s three minute guided meditations to get centered and focus and read something mindful, you know, read a passage from your favorite book, read something that’s going to inspire you. For me, I like to write down my Three Things for the day, people write these long I have to do is 30 to do things. And we don’t get any of them done. Because it’s impossible. There, it’s overwhelming. So I wrote three down, that are going to make me successful. So before I go to bed, at the end of the day, those three things are done, and I’m successful. So I could do more after that, or I can go get ice cream, right? Because I got my Three Things Done. And now I’m set up for the day. And then I get up, I go for a walk, I drink a ton of water, I get hydrated, and it’s like I’m untouchable. You know, nothing is gonna really break me. Even something really dramatic. It’s like because I’m now I’m going to be emotionally, not emotionally responsive, intelligent, ly responsive versus emotionally reactive. Because I set my day up that way. And for most of us, it’s a daily thing. You know, there’s very few people that could just say, oh, on Monday, I’m going to set myself up for the week. And then I can just meditate for three minutes on Monday morning, and then I’m all set doesn’t work that yeah,

Damon Pistulka 22:17
it’s kind of a rinse and repeat thing, I think, to do it over and over,

Dennis Berry 22:22
over and over again. And it’s like we, because life happens every day, especially in 2023. And we’re all so sensitive. And we everywhere we look, even if you don’t watch the news, you open an app, you’re you get the news. So it’s like, you can choose to react to it, you can get upset about it. And then you can take that, that disturbance and carry it into your day into your co workers, your employees, your spouse, the way you eat, the way you manage your emotions. Or you can get focused and centered and brush that stuff away. And enjoy your day.

Damon Pistulka 22:59
Yeah, and how much the thing that I’ve really seen and when you talk to people that I’ve worked on their emotional intelligence is how much you can you can talk to somebody that’s worked on on living mindfulness and emotional intelligence, and they can have something bad happening to them at that moment, that day, whatever that week, and it’s not that it doesn’t affect them. But it doesn’t drive them into the, you know, depression or, or, or crawling up in a ball and room. It’s like, yeah, it really sucks. You can hear it, it really sucks. But I’m doing this. Yeah, and that’s a great point. It’s not like it’s not like everything is it’s not some panacea, where you know, it’s gonna be, you know, elves and fairies. It’s just, it’s, it’s just that you’re starting the day out, right? And someone told me I forget who it was, I was reading a book or something. And they talked about a pop can, they said, if you take a soda can and empty soda can. And you can just crush it super easy. And they said, your mind is kind of like that. And living mindfully is is really about filling that soda can completely full in the morning, with goodness with with love and calm and everything that you want to have in there says because then try to crush a full of pumpkin and see how hard that is. And things just bounce off you. They’re still there. But they don’t they don’t crush you. Like it would if you didn’t do that work before you start your day. And yeah,

Dennis Berry 24:44
yeah. And that’s great. I mean, it’s important. I love that you brought that point up because, you know, I’m saying it from as if the way I just described it was as if I’m perfect, and I wake up and meditate and it’s rainbows and unicorns. And that’s not that at all, and one of my friends favorite books is The Subtle Art of not giving up by Mark Manson, and that he talks about, it’s like, most of our problems come from trying to live a problem free life. And that doesn’t exist, right, we’re going to have problems. And in fact, happiness comes from solving our problems, not by avoiding them, we’re going to have problems. We’re, we need to take risks, we need to wake up in the morning and go out into the street and do the things that we want to do. And why we’re doing that, and building our lives and businesses and relationships and going exercising or doing whatever it is, we’re going to encounter problems because that’s life. And along the way, if I’m focused on Senator, those problems, they can make or break me, it’s my decision. And if I set myself up, for the win, they’re gonna make me if I set myself up for failure, they’re gonna break me. And I mean, it’s a simple equation. You can, you can calculate it, you could watch it happen with certain people with their behaviors. You know, a lot of young people, they’re trying to figure life out there banging their head against the law, they’re yelling, screaming and punching holes in the walls, drinking ruining relationships. As we get older, I think some of the stuff we’re talking about, you gain some wisdom just by getting older. You know, we’re in our 50s. You are. Yeah, as you get older, you learn some of this stuff through pain. We experience pain. We’re like, wow, this sucks. I had a old mentor. He said to me, he goes, I practice the isn’t that interesting technique. And that’s good emotional intelligence. It’s like when something happens, I can go Oh, shit, man, and yell and act out or I can go. Isn’t that interesting? And then move beyond it. You know? And it sounds silly, but it’s just a little tool that I use all the time. When somebody says something stupid or defer for, you know, things don’t go the way I planned them to go. Yeah. Isn’t that interesting?

Damon Pistulka 27:13
Yeah. Yeah. That’s a good one. That’s a good one. Well, I love I love just the, the, the power, that being able to choose your reaction, what the power that it gives you, the power that it gives you when you can actually do it, right. You know, I think a little things like people are angry in traffic, or they want to cut you off in traffic. Anyway, you could just wave to go, Hey, that’s cool. Go ahead. You must have someplace you need to go. Once they’re drunk.

Dennis Berry 27:45
That’s there. So if we go back to because my background is in the alcoholism and addiction recovery, that’s their drunk. Right? That’s their that that behavior is the same thing as getting drunk. That’s a distraction from feeling. There’s when somebody gives you does that to you. And you when you’re in traffic, it has nothing to do with you. Yeah, something happened before that at home. At the office, they are having money problems, health problems, or relationship problems. And something else is going on that made that happen. Or they left too late to that’s which is probably a result of one of those. Yeah, yeah. So don’t when you see people acting that way, it has nothing to do with you at all. It’s all about their lives. And because they’re not managing their emotions. Well.

Damon Pistulka 28:35
Yeah. Yeah. Because someone said, I’ve read or someone said it good that I heard that I’ve heard a lot of people say, you know, when we were when we’re worrying about what someone else thinks of you, we really shouldn’t be because they’re too busy worrying about their own problems.

Dennis Berry 28:48
Exactly. That’s. And they’re not thinking about you at all. Yeah, no, that’s the thing. And when you realize that and you move forward with that, and you could do that in the moment, then life changes. It really does. It really does change for you, because people aren’t thinking about you, not, not the way you are not the way you think that they are. And if they are, who cares? That’s their problem it has that also has nothing to do with you. So when we carry these feelings into our business life and business really improved. And you know, like I said, your leadership skills, your decision making every area of your business white since this is a business shop improves, and, and people come to you they trust you more you get repeat business because when you know whether you’re interacting with customers, or employees, people respect you more, you know, they they’re not afraid to come to you and talk to you or ask you questions, and they trust in you more and your build foundational relationship. chips that way?

Damon Pistulka 30:01
Yeah, yeah. So as you see people take in starting their work on emotional intelligence. If someone came to you today and said, Dennis, I really want to work on this. How long do you think it’s gonna be before I can notice a difference in my life?

Dennis Berry 30:22
Tomorrow? Yeah. Because the very first thing that we that we need in order to change in my book that I wrote that I don’t really talk about much anymore. I had working what I call the how approach to life. How people say all the time, Dennis, how do I build my business? How do I fix my relationship? How do I lose weight? And the answers in the question, it says honesty, open mindedness and willingness? How do I fix my life? Right? So the very first step is honesty, I have to be honest, and say, there’s a problem. Because I can’t solve a problem I can’t admit exists. So when I say that tomorrow, we can notice changes, it’s because there’s an awareness now. Right? So the very first step is there has to be an awareness. And now, if we started talking about I need to improve my emotional intelligence, now you’re aware that you need to improve your emotional intelligence. So then we come up with some tools right away, the very first thing that I start with right away with all my clients is writing things down. is the best way, you know, we all know this, by now. It’s like we all have like 60,000 Plus thoughts, 60 to 80,000 thoughts per day, right. And our thinking is the source of all of our problems. That’s almost one per second. So if all of those thoughts, were happy, useful, productive thoughts, we’d all be billionaires and have no problems. But most of those thoughts are useless or even harmful, right? So we need to slow our thinking down. So we can eliminate a lot of those thoughts. And writing is the best way to do that. So if we come in contact with an emotional situation, where we overreacted, we drank we yelled, screamed, blame accused gave the finger whatever it is that our emotional reaction was, we want to write down bring awareness to it. So what was I thinking? What happened? Right? That’s number one. What was I thinking right before that happened? Because that’s the real problem. When somebody relapses because or and goes out drinking, why do we say what were we thinking right before you took that drink? Because that’s the problem. It was usually finance, romance or health, right? Something related to that. That’s the problem. So then we start digging into that, you know, so if we write that down, what happened? What was I thinking, right before that happened? What was my response? And how can I respond differently next time. So when we write those things down, we’re slowing our thinking down, we can’t just think about it, because the thinking is the source of all of our problems. So that only adds to the problem. Yeah, write it down, it becomes tangible. It’s like we’re organizing our thoughts. And now, subconsciously, the next time that situation comes up, it’s they’re like, Oh, that’s right. I wrote that down. So Damon said this, it made me react this way. And now, next time that happens tomorrow, or next week, or next month, I can say, oh, it’s not that big a deal. I don’t need to react that way. That’s how change starts. We have to reprogram our subconscious mind. Which again, was programmed 3040 50 years. Yeah,

Damon Pistulka 33:47
we’ve lived with it for a long time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that’s great. That’s great. Though writing it down is a huge thing. I can see how that really makes a difference. Because when you go back to that thing, what was happening right before you really understand what you were thinking about that, say like, when just before you said something to me, I might have been thinking something already. And you said something to me, and it set me off for whatever reason, but that thinking that what I was thinking about before that, and the combination of what you said is what it was. So the thinking started me down the wrong path.

Dennis Berry 34:23
Yeah, you were triggered, and that trigger that that’s the 3040 50 year old trigger. Yeah. And so when it can come earlier, it can come beyond that. But the original trigger comes from our childhood wounds from our parents. We love our parents, even we’re parents too, but at the same time, it’s like, you could be the best parent in the world, but you’re screwing them up somehow. Yeah, somehow, somehow, because at some point, they got their own personality. They want life to go this way. You want it to go this way. You’re bending each other to try to get them on your side. And it doesn’t work. You get triggered along the way you develop these coping skills. So you can be triggered by past relationships too. But, but the original wounds go back to childhood. So identifying the triggers, and then writing also writing down, what are other responses, I can have other behaviors, I can have healthy behaviors next time that this happens, because it’s going to happen again, until you stop until the day you stop breathing, you’re going to be triggered by something or somebody.

Damon Pistulka 35:30
Yeah, yeah. I like that. Identifying triggers. And then, and then writing down some healthy behaviors. So when that happens, again, got some options. At least choose from a list.

Dennis Berry 35:44
Yeah, and again, it this is all in addition to mindful living. Yeah, taking care of your health. Like, we think we have all these problems, but you don’t have any problems until you have health problems, they have a real problem. So protect your health. Stop eating sugar and crap. You know, over processed foods. Yeah. Yeah. Exercise and drink as much water as you can. Right there. You do those three things, like your life, you’re gonna think better, talk better, act better, and react less.

Damon Pistulka 36:20
Yeah, that, that, unfortunately, in the United States, we’ve, the convenience of food around us, has also led to the downfall of our health, in many different ways is in. Man, we got Curtis tours, confidence is softening today, you know? Yeah. But yeah, I guess you talked about healthy living. And I think that, and mindful living and healthy, being healthy as part of that. I just don’t know, looking back how you can do it without without getting at least somewhat healthy. Because it’s so hard. If you’re, you know, if you’re having you know, for me personally overweight, eating bad, you know, you there’s a myriad of other problems, when those start to go away, or you get them under control, then you actually can think about living more mindfully and doing the things you can, but it starts that health, like you said, if you don’t have health, you don’t have anything.

Dennis Berry 37:33
And our bodies and minds are intimately connected. People don’t think of it that way. But you’re if you’re, if you’re sick or unhealthy, I mean, I’m not gonna label it in certain conditions. But really, if like, if you’re obese, unhealthy, whatever you want to call it, you’re not thinking clearly, you might think that you are, but our, our gut health, you know, people talk about that a lot. It’s very real. You know, if our bodies are not healthy, our minds are not healthy, and we’re not responding. So you know, it all starts with our health. And that should really come first. It’s like the oxygen in the airplane, when that comes down. They always say put it on yourself before your children, because if you die, you’re not going to be able to help your kids. Same thing. Your health needs to come before your business, your relationships and everything else. Because if you don’t have your health, you don’t have your business, or you’re really

Damon Pistulka 38:27
Yeah, yep. And a lot of people flip them. A lot of people want that, and then flip that. So you’ve got, I don’t want to get off here. Before we start talking about your heart of wealth mastermind group, you’ve got a mastermind group. Have you guys have you started one yet? Or are you getting ready to start one? What’s going on there?

Dennis Berry 38:48
Yeah, no, it’s going. And it’s awesome. I’ve had three meetings. And in fact, in a couple of months, we’re going to have Mark Victor Hansen, come speak. And Mark, Victor Hansen was one of the he was the co author with Jack Canfield of Chicken Soup for the Soul. Oh, nice. So he’s going to speak at the group and I have some other great speakers lined up, and we’d be month, twice a month. And then in the group, we also, members get one on one coaching with me once a month. And it’s a great group, but we focus not just on business strategy, which is, of course, integral and we’ll bring somebody like you and for real business strategy in addition to the topics we talk about, but we talk about emotional intelligence, too, because it’s, it’s the same thing as your body and mind being intimately connected. So as business strategy and emotional intelligence, they’re intimately connected, because if one is off, the other isn’t gonna do. Yeah. So I love it. It’s a it’s a great group. I encourage people to reach out if they have questions about it.

Damon Pistulka 39:55
Yeah, very cool. So as as you’re seeing people Will business leaders go through this? What are some of the? What are some of the comments you get back when, when a business leader that looks at you, and they said, You know, I really haven’t thought about this whole emotional intelligence are really working on my mind and my body and everything to help me better in business. What are some of the things that they’re saying after they’re doing this a while.

Dennis Berry 40:24
It’s the same thing that we were talking about. It’s like you feel you feel better, your life just improves, and you walk lightly, through like, lightly. Yeah, and that’s really the goal. It’s like we want to, like, there was a, one of the I love talking about, like, when we’re young, it’s like what it take, there’s all these mile markers that we reached, when we’re 13, I finally I’m a teenager, you know, and then when I’m 1617, I can drive, I’m 18, I’m an adult, I’m 21, I can drink, like all, and all of these milestones take forever, forever to get to. And then as we get older and older, like it goes faster and faster. But then life gets heavy. You know, it’s like we have all these responsibilities and all these things that we need to take care of. And it’s because we’re not managing our emotions well. And when we start to manage our emotions, but we can live much lightly, much more lightly. You know, I know one guy who I’ve talked with him, and I have his permission to talk about this, but he’s worth nine figures. And he inherited this money. His great grandfather invented the clutch. Wow, the automobile clutch, so and he ended up being partners with Henry Ford. And so he inherited a lot of money. And as you might imagine, so But what he does is he played, he told me the story, we became friends, and we went out for dinner and his wife and my ex, and he told me once he goes, you know, he goes, they go and play golf. And he meets with all these people that are leaders at the top of their game business owners all worth nine figures, presidents, owners, CEOs, all those types of people. And he feels left out. And he can’t contribute to the conversations. He’s he’s unhappy, because he didn’t build his own. Well, he inherited it. And so he’s, he’s unhappy. But we did a lot of work on emotional intelligence to and now he walks much lighter through life. We’re all on a different path. Yeah. But we have to learn like, Don Miguel Ruiz says, like, you know, don’t take things personally, the world’s not out to get us don’t make assumptions. Just do the best you can on a daily basis. And life becomes better, because I’m not worried about the things that most people are worried about. The one like we were talking about fast food and stuff like that. That’s the same thing as drugs and alcohol. You know, when we were growing up, my dad used to take a step McDonald’s, like once or twice a month on the way to work on Saturdays I would go to work. We weren’t sick and obese, it was like a tree. I have one of those greasy aprons muffins, and hash brown. And, and it was a treat, and dad was the best in the world. You know, he was like a hero. And then two or three weeks later, we went back and had another one. And now the problem is excess. Right? So the problem is not sugar or egg with muffins, or it’s just too much. So now we, we eat all that stuff all the time. And it’s an addiction, but it’s a it’s a coping mechanism for the heaviness of life. It’s the same thing as drinking or whatever. Why is there a line at Chick fil A, all the way around the building at three o’clock in the afternoon, right? Because there’s a gap in the day and people don’t know what to do. And life is heavy. And so they eat stuff, you know, even when they’re not hungry. So when we can take away that heaviness of life, and you can walk wider through life, you become more successful, like you become immune to anger, frustration, sadness, and not to say you don’t feel those things, but you don’t they don’t have the same weight that they used to have before. That’s the power of emotional intelligence, and learn and I should add, it’s an ongoing thing. We never arrive at this place where we’re perfectly mature and don’t ever get any of that stuff. It just doesn’t happen that way. Yeah. It’s an ongoing effort. And it’s great. You know, it’s it. It used to be a chore to meditate now, it’s like, great, I have 20 minutes. I’m gonna meditate. I’m so excited. So we look at things differently. And that’s the magic. That’s the magic that happens.

Damon Pistulka 44:55
Yeah, yeah. Well, there are I am, I’m so pleased that you’re able to stop by and talk with us today. Because man you have you have really dropped a lot of good stuff here. And I’m so thankful that you were here to share, share your thoughts with us. I do is that where’s the best place to get a hold of your dentists as they get a LinkedIn? Where should people get a hold of you? They want to talk to you.

Dennis Berry 45:25
Yeah, well, obviously, um, well, you know, because we met on LinkedIn, we’re very active, but my website is Dennis berry.com. But if you want to go connect on LinkedIn, that’s fine. Then there’s a LinkedIn masterclass that I’m doing. It’s free. Next week, next, Wednesday, the ninth? Yeah, it’s free. I’m gonna just say every single thing that I know about LinkedIn, that other influencers are charging $1,000 A weekend for, I’m gonna drop it all, in that master class, and I’m going to have, it’s going to be in a monthly class, that I’m just gonna, we’re just gonna do it and talk about everything. Oh,

Damon Pistulka 46:08
bad, bad. So that is, I am so excited for that. I’m excited just to get to talk with you again, and share your thoughts about, you know, emotional intelligence, because there are people that are living, as you said, far too heavy of a life. And if they they learn how to really work on the things they can do live differently with wood and work on their emotional intelligence, they can live a lighter life and be much happier and much healthier.

Dennis Berry 46:39
Yeah, and one, what can I drop one last? Yeah, do it. Yeah, yeah. And it’s that. We say this all the time. Like, if you don’t know how to get somewhere or do something, ask for help. Yeah, you know, we try to do so much. So many things on our own, that we don’t know how to do. And at the end, we just banging our head against the wall for another week, month, year or decade, when if we just asked for help, we can get their so much faster, and more effectively, not just faster, but more efficiently. Enjoy the ride so much more. So if you don’t know how to build your business. If you don’t know how to get healthy if you don’t know how to fix your relationships, or it’s not just as Dennis or Damon, as somebody that you know, for help. And get there. I was there was always before there was Google Maps and ways and we had to know how to get places. Yeah, and but we would get lost. And there was that stereotype about men who didn’t like to stop and ask directions. I always stopped and asked her actually, I was like, I want to know how to get there. Instead of driving around for two hours like an idiot wasting gas. I just want to say, look, hey, do you know how to get there, and two minutes later, I can get there. Same thing. Now. It’s like, if you don’t know how to do something, ask for help. That’s the power of our mastermind group is that you were sitting in a room or on zoom with other peers that are trying to figure out the same path in life, how to grow our business, improve our lives, our health, our relationships, and we bounce ideas off each other with our expertise. And we get there quicker. Yeah. So if you don’t know how asking a coach or mentor or accountability partner or friend, somebody you respect, and you’ll get there much faster. Yeah.

Damon Pistulka 48:32
Well, then it’s thanks so much for being here today. Again, thanks so much for everyone that stopped by that was listening drop comments. Again. We had Dennis berry here. Today we’re talking about harnessing emotional intelligence for success. Dennis talked about his mastermind group talked about so many things. You just got to rewind this thing and go back to the beginning to really learn some of the things that he talks about to live life lighter. I love that phrase to live life lightly. Or walk through life lately. I’ve had my notes here. Thanks so much for being here today, Dennis.

Dennis Berry 49:07
Thank you, David. I appreciate you,

Damon Pistulka 49:08
man. All right, hang out for just a moment and we’ll

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