45:57
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
people, life, years, dorothy, wanted, started, create, knew, happened, thought, love, british embassy, great, talk, ended, living, company, leader, moving, energy
SPEAKERS
Dorothy A. Martin-Neville, Damon Pistulka
Damon Pistulka 00:03
All right, everyone, welcome once again to the faces of business. I’m your host, Damon Pistulka. And I am incredibly excited. I’m also a bit nervous, because our guest today Dr. Dorothy, Martin, Neville, she’s just about miss my notes here. Did she do it? Right, we’re gonna be talking about putting the work in to live your best life.
Dorothy A. Martin-Neville 00:28
Yeah. Dr. Dorothy,
Damon Pistulka 00:30
thanks for being here today.
Dorothy A. Martin-Neville 00:32
You asked, so welcome.
Damon Pistulka 00:35
This is awesome. I’m so excited to have you here. We talked a while back and I was like, you have to come on the show. And then I’m just gonna tell people out there. If you’re listening in, you’re doing this. Listen, go to her website, watch the videos, go look at other videos and listen to her talk. And you will understand why I’m quite freaking out a bit here. So, Dr. Dorothy, is it alright, if I call you Dr. Dorothy, like,
Dorothy A. Martin-Neville 01:07
Dorothy is fine.
Damon Pistulka 01:10
Okay, Dorothy, we always like to start the show out. Just kind of getting a little bit of someone’s history and how you got here today. And I realized this is a, this is a really, this is a journey for you. So let’s, let’s start there. And we’ll work our way through that so people can really understand you. And and then we’ll talk about how you’re helping people put in the work and find their best lives. You’ve
Dorothy A. Martin-Neville 01:43
got it. And since I’m over 20, that could be a really long story. So I’ll make it really shot. I started off as a checkout, I started in an orphanage, and I was raised in an orphanage until I was about three. And then I was adopted by an Irish alcoholic cough and raised in the housing projects in South Boston. So I’m a Southie girl for anybody who knows that town and which is a really fun, outrageous Irish Catholic, little ghetto. You know, at least it was in my day. It’s changed now. So yeah, happy little place now. But in any event, I was raised there. And I always wanted to do something, have an impact to do something. And so when I was in high school, they are your success story. If you make it to high school graduation, you’re an educated woman. And because not many did, but I made it to high school and wanted to go to college and my dad didn’t believe in educating girls. So I was going applied to nursing schools, I actually went for an interview with a nursing school because my grades were great academics is easy for me. And found out I could not go to nursing school anywhere in the country, because I went to an unaccredited inner city high school. And so nursing school was out college was out, my mom said become a waitress, Mary Michael, become a waitress and till you get pregnant and then just stay home and raise all the babies. And we wanted 20 Children, we had them all named because somehow we knew when the boys would come in the girls were coming because we were 17 into everything and wiring and chain and charm and all the names I laid everybody named. And that would have been okay, but I also wanted something else. And the something else went out. And since I couldn’t get out through college, I couldn’t get out through nursing school. My only way out was by becoming a Catholic nun. And I wanted to do service anyway, I wanted to make it there wasn’t a sacrifice. I wanted to do service. I wanted to make a difference in other people’s lives. And so I became a Catholic nun, which wasn’t easy either because the Catholic Church doesn’t allow illegitimate children in the convent. And so I had to find another route. I found somebody who applied to 1000 communities around the globe. We found a community in Quebec that was under a bishop, not the Pope, and he worked with prostitutes and they had a crush, which was a home for babies of the prostitutes. We had over 2000 babies. And so he said, we’ll take a risk on an illegitimate child, since you know she may fit in with this population. So I did. And once I went there and had a long black habit on they decided Mother Superior said she was sending me to college. And I said, Mother, they won’t let me in. And she said you will sister so with a long black habit, I went to college and once you have a BA, nobody cares where you went to high school. Yeah. And so I did that eventually realized that there was too much life in me that I was low. I love change. I’m a real change maker and I’m a very innovative change maker and within religious life, innovation change making is not our respected quality. So with a great deal of love and support, I left me And I really I was loved I felt very loved. But it was clear that I didn’t belong there anymore. So I left went back home, didn’t fit in many friends were either dead or still living in the projects and on welfare. And I didn’t fit so I decided to become an international airline stewardess because so much had happened in the world. All the years I was inside I thought, I want to go see the world. I’ve never seen it. And the best way to see the world was to become an airline stewardess. So I went to Kansas City trained as a TWA airline stewardess and was assigned to New York City and I traveled over a million miles seeing the world and had a great time doing it. Yeah, it was really wonderful. It was time I had been enclosed or semi cluster for years, to see the world and go out and explore it and have a ball and I did.
Damon Pistulka 05:47
Well, and that was the that was a time when air travel was still a treat. In a lot of ways. Yeah.
Dorothy A. Martin-Neville 05:55
We were the six symbols of the the skies, you know, you’d be on an aeroplane and somebody would say you could you go to a party tonight at the British Embassy. I was flying to London, and I didn’t bring clothes for the British Embassy. Well, I’ll take you about buying by your dress, they buy your shoes, they get your jewelry, and now you go to the British Embassy. They’re thrilled they have a stewardess on their arm and you’re thrilled like, Oh, my God, I can’t believe. So it’s a very different time than Yes.
Damon Pistulka 06:26
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So how about how old were you at that time?
Dorothy A. Martin-Neville 06:34
I was in my 20s. So Oh, my
Damon Pistulka 06:37
goodness. Yeah, I couldn’t even imagine that had to be a lot of fun. Because, you know, just to be able to do that and experience life that way. At that point,
Dorothy A. Martin-Neville 06:47
it was, you know, over the years, and religious life, all that talk about cultural shock, culture shock, from the housing projects, and hanging with the saints of the ISIS and the Mustangs to all of a sudden, being a nine with a long black habit on, which was a cultural shock. And then going from that to Manhattan, to British national airline stewardess and going to wait, what are you doing this month, oh, I can’t go to your party, I’m going to be in Paris, I can’t go to your party, I’m going to be in Madrid, I can’t go to this. I gotta be over here. So yeah, it was a different lifestyle. And you know, you live in a country sleep for a few hours. And then a small group of us maybe buy a bag, add a couple bottles of wine, some ham and cheese and just get on a boat and take a boat ride up the Seine or up the Rhine or wherever we were in. Yeah, it was a very different lifestyle, to say the least. And when and it was wonderful. I mean, I’ve been blessed, some amazing, wonderful experiences in my journey so far. And who knows what the future holds. But this has been some really great adventures, you know. And so then eventually, I, I got married, and I was married for 15 years, I moved to Connecticut and I got married for 15 years I was here. And then I got divorced, and with a kindergarten and fourth grader and knew I needed to support my babies. So I went back and got my master’s. And in therapy, and because I want to still wanted to make a difference. I wanted to support people becoming who they were seeing living in the projects and seeing all these women on the front stoop, who which is in the in the projects is either drugs or alcohol. So seeing all the women who were physically abused overnight with new bruises with new whatevers. I wanted to support support folks, I wanted to support the men I felt sorry for and yet, hatred for and the women I felt sorry for, and never wanted to become, you know, so there was this all of these mixed emotions that go. But the bottom line was I wanted to support the men and the women coming into who they were meant to be, not who they were victimized in the mind’s eye into becoming, you know, and so becoming a therapist, to me, was living out what I’d always wanted to do. And I truly believe that every one of us is born with a spiritual purpose. And that when we recognize our purpose, and we follow that, as we go through life, we express it differently. But if you look back over your lifetime, what you’ve done is always built on what you’ve done previously. You know, there was skills you learned in the first journey that you took into the next that you learned there. You took that pile into the third, and it keeps going, you know. And from therapy, I started, I was blessed. I was terrified. And I knew nobody knew who I was. So I wrote a talk on two pieces of paper and I was I’d follow it line by line frightened to speak to church groups, synagogues, book clubs, women’s groups, anybody that would let me speak I spoke to so they would know I was opening up a practice. Within three months, I had a six month waiting list that lasted almost 20 years and I it worked. You know, when you’re, when you’re passionate and you love what you’re doing. People are drawn to you Passion. It’s almost like it was irrelevant. They want that they want that. I didn’t know that then but I figured it out later. And about three years in, I started noticing that certain personality styles were coming in with, with prostate cancer or breast cancer or autoimmune disorders. And when I would speak to friends who were specialists in the medical and MD community, they seem it’s all coincidental. I knew it was not all coincidence. If I could predict it, we’ve left the realm of coincidence this, there’s some predictability here. And so I went in spent about eight or nine years training becoming certified to nine modalities of integrative health care. So I studied energy medicine, I studied advanced acupressure, iridology, reflexology, all kinds of different modalities, and combine them all with my experiences and created my own method, my own approach to energy medicine, and brought a massage table into my office. And for about six years, I lost malpractice insurance because psychologists can’t touch their paper. Yeah. And I and I did I’m not much for rules and regulations. Yeah. Why bother? And so people on my waiting list to teach me what you know when to make a long story short, I ended up creating a four year program in energy medicine, and a good portion of my student body with physicians, nurses, OTs, PT, you know, occupational therapists, and so forth. And a percentage were laypeople, non medical folks who wanted to become healers who wanted to become energy medicine practitioners, Reiki Masters, and folks like that studied with me. And my students. I was blessed for them from around the country, and Canada and Australia and the Caribbean, to study with me. And the third and fourth year, students had to do medical internships in their own states or countries, which ended up I was teaching these classes to start it ended up I ended up 63 On my payroll, and I had full timers with medical dental 401k match, and I had numbers of 1090 nines. And yes, and the work in the hospitals were successful, and hospitals wanted to give me grant funding to research some of the work I did, I created something for sundowning. So it was changing the Alzheimer’s units in different facilities. So I opened up a nonprofit because they prefer to give research grant funding to nonprofits purposes. So I had my private practicing 42 patients a week I had my school, then I have my nonprofit. And one day just sitting down like a good Irish girl having a glass of wine and thinking what on earth has happened? hid from an orphanage era kid from the projects. You have all these employees. Growing up, I knew lawyers that you got to get you out on bail. And thankfully, I’ve never been in jail. So I never did that. But I mean, I knew others, that you had lawyers on bail. And now all of a sudden I have for profit lawyers. I have nonprofit lawyers by profit accountants, nonprofit accountants. Oh my god, there is worlds out here. I knew nothing about when I was growing up. And really recognized, absolutely blessed. I had been how, how focused but how blessed as well. You know, and love life, love the adventure, because you never know what’s coming next. You never know what’s possible if you’re willing to follow your dreams. And it really is about what are your dreams? Are you willing to jump in and live them? Or are you willing to sit here and wish you had them. And I’ve always been somebody that felt. I think your soul calls you to who you’re meant to be. So for every dream you follow, you develop new skills, you develop new abilities, you develop a new sense of self, and you develop a different sense of how you fit in the world. So for every dream we follow, you become more and more of who you’re meant to be. And life becomes more and more of an adventure. And you realize skills you never knew you had strengths that you never imagined. Those people had them and then you realize, oh my God, I’ve got them. How did that happen? You know, and life just becomes a wild adventure, you know. And when I took my youngest to Cornell, for college, I drove home sobbing because I realized my daughter just graduated from Georgetown, that once your babies go away, you’re never mama again, your ma and my I need money for my could you you know, that kind of thing. And I just was sobbing because I love being a mom and that and God willing, I’ll always be a mom to the day I pass but it’s different. And so I pulled into this big house I had and what a glass of wine and thought okay, kiddo. You’re in your 40s If you’ve got these businesses, your baby’s gone, what are you going to do? I could get a smaller house, I could get a condo, get an apartment, I could do whatever I wanted to do, because I was completely free with no day to day responsibilities other than my businesses, and realized, as I sat there, I was theoretically highly successful. And I was very unhappy. I was doing what I couldn’t imagine ever doing. But when I stopped, I wasn’t happy. And I knew enough from my work in medicine to know that if I stay unhappy, and simply doing life simply surviving the journey, and I don’t care if you make 100,000 a year, or 100 million a year, you’re surviving the journey. If you get up and do what you’re supposed to do, and just go on, you’re not living your life, you’re surviving it. And so before I finished that glass of wine, I called American Airlines and said, Get me a one way ticket to angry that in the British West Indies, I called an agency put my house in the market. I called a couple girlfriend said, I’m moving as before, I have a massive sale this or anything you want, and gave away furniture to girlfriends who needed things. And yeah, wanted to change the decorating styles. And then I sold everything and call my office and let them know I’m leaving the country. And three weeks, I’m moving to the British West Indies in the Caribbean. And there I went. And I was blessed with amazing executive directors, you know, handling my businesses. And every day, I called in every day and dealt with them every day. I flew back every two months, because my school met every two months on a Friday, Saturday, Sunday. And so every day I was on the phone with them, and they would fax me the bills, I always manage the money. I always made sure I was the one that handle that. And then I would come back and teach and speak and have team meetings with all my my people. And I was I was a speaker, you know, a past president of National Speakers Association as well. And so Wayne Dyer and I had the same agent over here on the East Coast, and he’s passed now but he used to be a big speaker in the, in the personal growth community in the health community. And so I would speak here on the east coast at the time, that’s all I could afford time wise to do that. And then I go home again for two months and then come back and eventually came back to America. 10 years later, when one of my students was graduating, UConn got a multimillion dollar grant in from Grant asked me to come back and be co chair, oversee energy medicine research across the country, become a clinical instructor at UConn. And NIH wanted to give me grant funding to research my work. So I did want a quantitative and qualitative research. And so I came back and I’ve been here ever since. And when I came back, the culture had changed the sense of entitlement took over this country in a way that I couldn’t fathom. And coming from a country that at the time had one paved road. And the whole country was 32 square miles, the whole country had about 6000 people in the back to America. It was such a different, another cultural shock, a cultural change, which has been a story of my life, cultural changes just keep taking place. But how you adapt is really what the story’s about. And I ended up closing the school, the nonprofit and my practice, I see a few people. And coaching didn’t exist when I left and it did when I came back. Yeah, that’s another way in which in my school for every, every physician or nurse practitioner, every whomever I taught over the course of their career, they were going to impact 1000s of people with another approach to health care. And I thought, how can I have the greatest impact and influence now and combine my knowledge of psychology, my knowledge of healthcare, and at some point, founding five companies, four of which were really bigger, successful companies. How can I combine all of that and I thought, let me become a coach that works with leaders in industries. Because if I can impact a leader, I impact all the people that leader impacts so it’s having the greatest amount of influence by working with the most significant person in their world. And that I discovered so easily as I didn’t is a therapist, that when you support somebody to change, you change their entire life is who they are. It’s a different person. They take into their relationships, a different person they take to their kids, a different person they take to their business to their employees, to their vendors, and The impact that that man or woman can have is massive. Yes. So here I am. That’s a long story. But
Damon Pistulka 20:07
it’s great. It’s great. It’s incredible. Yeah. I mean, I just, I can listen to you for a lot longer than that. But I also want to get some questions in two because this is this is incredible. I tell you, it’s so let’s, let’s just walk back a little bit. You What? What got you into the energy? And I’m just say energy healing?
Dorothy A. Martin-Neville 20:36
Do they say that? The energy? What?
Damon Pistulka 20:39
How did you really? I mean, where did you go? There could be something to this. What brought that about that you go? Okay. I think that there’s more to this than what the doctors are saying. When
Dorothy A. Martin-Neville 20:52
I started seeing a pattern that what I know just I, I’m somebody who notices patterns. When I noticed a pattern that when it came to prostate cancer, it was usually men. Oh, let me tell you a quick example of that. Connecticut general which accompany here that emerge of ima became Cigna. Life insurance. When it was gonna get general, they had never laid off a soul. They merge and became Cigna. And they literally were laying off 1000s of people in between Philly, and here, which is where I and I had been. And two men came in to see me when they weren’t laid off. And one man came in and said to me, I’ve been laid off, I want to talk to somebody about it, you know, because my wife does, who was raised the boys, the boys, they had two boys, the boys are gone. My wife stayed home and raised the kids. And now I’m not going to be working. I need to just decompress, if you will to somebody. And he said, You know, I wanted to leave that company 10 years ago, but I wanted to put my boys through school. So his boys had graduated from college. He said, Now I feel like they set me free. I would never would have quit, I would have gone until I retired. But they forced me out. And they gave me a gift I never knew I could have. And as we talked and worked, he said, You know what? I am going to go, I’m going to get a job at Lowe’s. I never have to put a suit on. I never have to have a meeting. I don’t need a briefcase. And I can go and work with a bunch of people doing what I love to do whatever they have me do, I’m going to love it. And Lowe’s had just opened up down the road in Bloomfield, and he said, I’m going to go down there. And I worked with him for about another month or two. And he said, You know what, my sex life is better. My relaxation is better. I’m awful medications. My life is a gift. And say man, at the same time came in to see me and said those SOPs, I gave them 26 years of my GED life and they let me go. You can’t trust anybody. And he went home started drinking out during the day, hanging out watching TV was so enraged at what they had done to him. And then eventually, his wife had to go back and get a job. He couldn’t get a job. He was convinced he couldn’t get a job. Nobody would hire him nobody hires or even though this other man got a job almost immediately at Lowe’s, this nobody would ever hire him. So he just stayed home and didn’t try in his wife had to go out and get a job partly she wanted out of the house. Now they’re an angry, but she had it also support the family, which was emasculating him escalating, because he lost his job. They took his manhood away. his manhood was threatened again, when his wife had to go out and start supporting them, right. And this man developed prostate cancer and was filled with rage. And when I started noticing other men that were coming in with medical issues, they weren’t coming in because the medical issues but there was what came up when they were they were presented. I started noticing a pattern. And then I started noticing a pattern for women who were coming in with breast cancer, I noticed a pattern for people coming in with auto immune disorders. And I thought, there’s really something here and somebody came in with chronic fatigue syndrome. And of course, it was brand new, nobody knew a great deal about it, but they were just stuck on meds because meds fit. Alright. And I said tell me what happened to point it was what happened when this started developing. And her parents were immigrants from Italy. And if a good girl was going to get a job, she was going to be a school teacher because that’s what girls do. If they go to college, it she didn’t want to be a school teacher. But she became a school teacher because that’s what she was supposed to do if she was a college, and she hated it. And the first year she was in she started becoming ill by Christmas. She was so ill she could barely get out of bed. And she had to leave and she moved in and eventually ended up in a wheelchair hear when she went outside she was had a cane in the husband wheelchair when she went outside. And she had been engaged, remarry broke up with her boyfriend, because the doctor had told her with chronic fatigue. If she has children, she will actually go die. So she broke up with him because he wanted kids. And he brought her in to see me the first session, I said, Who was that gorgeous hunk a man who brought you in to see me? And she started laughing. I said, That’s my ex fiance. And I said, why an ex if he’s bringing you in? And she told me the story, well make a long story short, I worked with her. And I said, if you could do anything in the world, what would it be? She said, love kids. But I would want to work outside and teach sports and really be with them outside. And I said, you have a Boys and Girls Club scenario? Because I don’t know if they have been where you are. But we certainly have them up here. And is it only shows you two blocks away? I said, Could you get a job at the Boys and Girls Club volunteering, just volunteer one or two afternoons a week? Because I don’t know if I could do it. I said, try it. It’s what you want to do. Try it and see if the local volunteer, she volunteer two half days, ended up doing two full days, ended up not needing the wheelchair anymore, ended up not needing a cane anymore. I said, What have you asked him for full time job, she goes, I don’t know if I can do it. I said try it. My then her parents were so excited that their baby who was dying is full time teaching sports to these kids after school, and teaching sports to some of the younger ones during the day. Right? Then like a daycare program, if you’re well, they were so thrilled she ended up marrying this man, I worked with her through to the edge into her second pregnancy and her life together, okay, chronic fatigue, she’s never going to get over, it’s going to be a problem that will kill her and she can’t have children. So that said to me, you have got to explore this reality that folks are not looking at, that we are not trained our medical people to see. And we don’t see what we don’t expect to see. When you become somebody that opens up to seeing anything at everything, because life is such an exciting adventure. It’s amazing what your notice what you see. And when you talk to what you see variances. And from that I was just, I was almost excited every time somebody walked in with a medical issue, because it’s like, Oh, my God, where does this fit? How does this go? Yeah, I was still doing therapy, but really expanded it to look at their medical history so I could understand what was going on with them. And I bring that into my work now, what is your medical history because I want to know how you have or have not been your life story.
Damon Pistulka 27:48
Wow. That is something. And it’s something I I am no expert in any of this. But I can tell you that when people are happy doing things doing work that really fulfills them. And they’re meant to be doing at least at the moment, because that kind of changes through life, like you mentioned the person. And they, they just they’re just different. That the medical the psychologic, there’s just so much different that that it does affect and then you know that same person cannot be feeling well and go to the doctor and never get better. But a change, like you’re saying can make all the difference in the world,
Dorothy A. Martin-Neville 28:31
the difference in the world. And you notice how many people and think about this, how many people have smoked for 50 years? And their lungs are fine. Somebody else most five years they have lung cancer, what’s the variable? What’s the difference there? So there’s so many things to look at when it comes to illness, not just you have this and this is the med you take with this disease? What else is going on that I can work with to support your healing process in this? And is it in your personal life? Is it in your business life? Because you know, I’m sure at this point that if something’s impacting the business, it’s impacting your personal life. If something’s going on in your personal life, you when you see a company having great difficulty, my first question is what’s happening in the leaders personal lives? What’s going on? I’m gonna say no, that has nothing to do with it. This is because our product isn’t selling us because if you were really loving what you’re doing, and a particular product wasn’t selling or something wasn’t working, you would sit back and if you’re not creative enough, like I love, I love creative problem solving. If that’s not who you are, you would have people on staff that you could brainstorm with and some of those would be creative problem solvers. You would have dealt with this. But if it’s not being dealt with what’s going on in the leader, or the whole C suite, what is happening, that a dynamic isn’t taking place that needs to deal with what’s here. Check it out some buddy’s going through a divorce, somebody’s affair is coming out. Somebody has a financial issue that’s showing up. Something is going on. Without an answer judgment, notice it, how do we do with it? To help you get back to where you need to be? I mean, to me, throw out the Judgment Day. So we’re all human. We all make mistakes. We all welcome. Welcome to Life, right? How do we do with it to help you get back on track to claim your passion, claim your purpose in it that way you claim your power in your deal with what’s up and you resolve the issues? Yeah.
Damon Pistulka 30:36
That’s incredible. And I don’t first of all, say, Hey, thanks, Josh. This is someone that knows just how crazy I am. And he said, he said, it’s sounds like clinical health psychology. And it’s a great approach. Yeah. Yeah, we were talking you had, I asked before you get on who you know, who are your favorite clients that work? And and you said this, and it’s it’s so I mean, it just hits so many people head on, and I don’t care male, female doesn’t matter. But they’re a visionary that recognize the price they’ve paid. And the people that hear this now they know what I’m talking about, you know what I’m talking about here, the people that I don’t care if you’re Elon Musk, you could be this way. Or basil use MC the richest people in the world can be this way when they realize that they are successful, but they’ve paid such a price. What what do you see in these kinds of people, when they come to see you in the changes in their lives as you’re working with them? The
Dorothy A. Martin-Neville 31:44
changes in their life? It’s so exciting. That’s why I do what I do. Because yeah. What I say is, it’s funny, because sometimes they come in and we start talking. And they want to say you don’t know what you’re talking about. And I just say, Okay, I’ll just keep talking anyway. And they eventually say, Alright, maybe maybe you got a few points, right, you know, and then we just laugh, and that becomes, okay, let’s deal with this. But what ends up happening eventually, and in the timeline depends on their personality. But what ends up happening is that they, because it’s not enough to judgment here, it’s like Welcome to humanity, they end up seeing Yeah, I’m surviving, I am nine enjoying it. I’ve never thought of myself that way. Because you know what I got, you know, the size of my boat, you know, the size of my house? You know, you know, great, I’m glad for you, if that’s what you like, good. Because you bought a boat and you hate boating. But you bought a boat, because you’re supposed to let’s talk about that. Get rid of that. Let’s let’s move on to things you really love. You know, your skis. I don’t care what it is something you love, right? But but it’s what happens is, they begin to have permission. They can’t give it to themselves, they begin to have permission to reassess where they are. They begin to have permission, without judging themselves to look back on their life. Why did they start the business? They started in the first place? What was their vision for what they were going to achieve there? And if they work in corporate, what was the vision when they took that particular job? Right? So what was their vision back then? How in alignment? Are they now? And we know they’re not? Where did that alignment get lost? And for me, it’s always about let’s get rid of the self judgment. Let’s get rid of the self condemnation. Let’s take a look at what happened because you’re human. And let’s come on up, create some freedom here. How do you want to look at who you’re going to be in five years or 10 years down the road? Who do you want to be starters? And then what do you want to be doing? And it may be doing exactly what they’re doing now, but in a very different way. And it may be doing something completely different. I have no agenda. My agenda is you. It’s not what you’re doing. Right. So how can I give you the permission, you need to reassess how you do your relationships. Because if you’re a dictator in the office, get what you are when you get home, right? And if you are real, and I developed a leadership self assessment tool to let leaders look at this style of leadership, because my experience is unfortunately, many men and women have been taught. This is what a leader looks like. And that’s, that’s garbage. That’s not That’s what that leader looks like. Your leadership could be dramatically different. You know, we have thought leaders who are absolutely creative innovators, you know, they’re there. They’re amazing. They may not know how to implement a thing, then you know who you need to hire, but this is who they are and they love that they’re filled with excitement, passion, and creativity. Good for you. Or you have the the team leader that really likes to create a solid team create a culture To get everybody happy and everything’s working, and then they’re thrown when people are moaning and groaning and complaining about things, right. And then you have the supportive leader who never wants to be CEO, but they want to have the back of the CEO. They just sit for whatever reason. And it’s not inadequacy, it’s not any of that they just have no need to be out there, they don’t want the burden of being onstage, they just want to be the person that makes that person shine, they can have 100 people behind them that they’re working with direct reports, or secondary third reports, they just don’t want to be that person. Then you have that visionary leader who says, guess guess who’s in town, you know, and loves the spotlight loves being that, that charismatic, that person who can sell your industry to anybody who can bring clients like crazy who can really make it happen, they may not have an innovative thought in their brain, but they can take your ideas and implement them beautifully. Right. And then you have a leader who they are perfectly happy sitting in a room with no windows, for everything that’s going out there. They’re creating procedures, they’re creating protocols, they’re creating things that make it work. They’re the architect, if you will, there, they’re doing the systems. And they’re loving that, know your style, all of these leaders know your style. And then the people you bring in as your employees or as your co founders, they supplement. So you each bring in different strengths. And when I see so many folks that know, I’ve got to be on top of it, I’ve got to note, I’ve gotta I’ve gotta gotta gotta okay, I now know, you have scotch in the evening. Now, I know, you’re not all that happy. Because you don’t gotta you do things because you love it. Because it feels great, because it feels so easy, so successful, you know what’s going on, and you’re loving it. So I bring them back to that. And so your question of what happens, they get the freedom and the permission to figure out who they want to be how they really want to run their business, not how they’ve been running it. And who they need or want to bring in to supplement the things they no longer want to do, because it doesn’t fit who they are in the first place, which is what made them so unhappy. And moving into survival rather than living living out their dream through their business and through their, to their personal life. Is that you?
Damon Pistulka 37:30
Oh, yes, no, incredible, incredible sense. Incredible sense. Because I can tell you from personally, being one of those people, and changing my life that you can, you can have everything on the outside, nothing on the inside. Yeah. And I mean, in and it’s not just that work, it’s at home, too. I mean, you have you can be successful at work and be successful at home, but you’re not happy. And and you in you talk about the things like while before we were on, you know, high blood pressure, cholesterol, that’s these things, because, because you’re not really living your true self, your true life. And, and some of the things I really, I see that in people around me that this causes health problems, when you’re, you’re, you’re doing it because that’s what you should be doing. And not that you can just throw everything away and you know, and do do whatever. But it’s it’s really behooves us to think about what we really want to be doing and try to be moving towards, towards that.
Dorothy A. Martin-Neville 38:35
If you’ve done what you’re doing, you can continue doing it, you just find another way to do it. Well, that allows you to be who you are in the process. And it’s out the window who you are supposed to be. All right. Just because you’re the head of the company, doesn’t mean you’re supposed to know everything about that company. You’re supposed to have phenomenal people around you who excel at different elements within the company. And when you have to be the everything, or they all have to report to you as if they’re reporting to Daddy, what ends up happening or Mommy, what ends up happening is that they don’t really get to bring their best self to the table, which means you and the company lose out. And so you need to look at, if you’re truly living and loving what you’re doing. Isn’t everybody who works for you are going to be living and loving what they’re doing. And Won’t your company succeed? Every company has bumps. Every company has dips. But when you’ve got a crew that are loving what they’re doing, and I don’t mean every single moment of every day, nobody does. I’ll compete humidity, right. You know, but when you’ve got people that basically love going in So what ends up happening when something isn’t working? They’re not uncomfortable saying, Hey, we screwed up over here, or, Hey, the culture has changed, something’s changed, the markets change, we need to make some shifts. Okay, let’s do it. It isn’t about looking at who messed up. It’s what can we do? What do we need to do? Where can we go and improve this and go forward. And it’s a dramatically different way of doing business. And I don’t care the size of your business, it’s a dramatically different way of doing it. And if we did that, not only do you have healthier employees, you’ve got more engaged employees. And when you create a culture, that whatever your vision is, that you’re going to make the best metal rods out there. It because they create the safest planes. And you’ve got everybody else that wants to create safety, for everybody else out in the world. And now everybody’s coming in, they’re working in this where they’re focusing on, this is what it’s about for them. And they’re about making the world a better place and making people safe. Now, you’ve got everybody with the same vision. Right? It can have varying flavors, but the same vision, and they’re all working with you. And when you have ups and downs, they’re right behind you. They’re not judging you. They’re with you. And it’s your dramatically different energy in your business. And yet, you always have the naysayers welcome to life. But this was where do they fit? If you know, which I tell people who are whether they’re merging a company or just starting out, before you check somebody’s qualifications, check if they fit the culture you’ve decided you’re going to have in your company, because if they don’t fit the culture, I don’t care how gifted they are, they are going to do damage to your organization. Check that before you check qualifications. Once you’ve got that, then look and see if they feel everything you need for that position. Yeah,
Damon Pistulka 42:00
that’s a big one. And big one. So I got to ask you a couple questions. We’re running near the end of time, but I’ve got to ask this. So when you’re working with this people, did they did they? Did they have friends and family go? What’s wrong with you?
Dorothy A. Martin-Neville 42:16
Well, they know what happened. Yeah. This is it you might is what has happened, you know, which is why I get referrals from people I’ve worked with, you know what, what is happening? What happened? And it’s in it’s not like I told them to do anything other than, you know, grow up or take a look at something. You know, on my website, it says she holds your heart washer kicks your ass. Yeah, it’s really, because it really is they know there is an announcer judgment because Welcome to humanity. But at the same time, get over yourself. You’ve been telling yourself the story for the past 12 years, and it’s not working, it’s time to throw that story out the window. Let’s move on. What can we do you know? And yeah, so that family members and friends will say, God, who is it because you, you are changing dramatically. And yet my experiences they continuously 95% of time love the person you’re becoming because you were becoming so much happier, you’re becoming so much more real, so much more spontaneous, and so much more alive. And who doesn’t like that in the people in their lives? Right? Exactly. Now, it causes when you’re married, it may cause your spouse to say, Whoa, this is a dramatically different relationship. You know, the first question could be if you have somebody on this side, because you’re doing things so differently here. But when they realize no, you’re just really reevaluating your life. You’re reevaluating how you’re doing your relationships, how you’re doing your job, how you’re doing you then it becomes an exciting adventure for everybody.
Damon Pistulka 43:56
I gotta write that down reevaluating how you’re doing you Dorothy, this has just been a pleasure. Just a pleasure. I could talk, ask you more questions and just listen to a lot a long time. But first of all, thank you for helping people the way that you do.
Dorothy A. Martin-Neville 44:23
Thank you. I love what I do. It is so much fun. It truly is. Yeah,
Damon Pistulka 44:28
yeah. I mean, you’re saving lives. You’re helping people live happier and, and just just making the world a better place. It’s, it’s awesome. It’s awesome. So if somebody wants to get a hold of you, though, what is the best way to get ahold of you? There’s like a website. What’s on? My
Dorothy A. Martin-Neville 44:48
website is asked Dr. dorothy.com as KDR vor o th y or email me Dorothy and ask Dr. dorothy.com. Either one, just reach out. I’m here and you I truly love what I do. I really really do. It
Damon Pistulka 45:03
shows and and I just I just feel blessed we were able to talk today and thank you so much for being here. I want to also thank the guests today Josh into and and I can’t tell you the LinkedIn user is but they’re enjoying it and and lots of lessons lost of wisdom and life lessons. She was loving discussion. So thank you so much. Thanks for being here today. If you did not started laying in this, go back to the beginning. Listen from the beginning. Listen to Dr. Dorothy cuz oh man, she was dropping so many great things to think about, and in just just life lessons. But we will be back again next week with another awesome guest. But Dr. Dorothy, thanks again for being here.
Dorothy A. Martin-Neville 45:50
You’re so welcome. Thanks a whole bunch.
Damon Pistulka 45:52
You bet just hanging out a moment after off the air. We’ll finish up here. We’ll do
