45:35
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
spin, feel, world, talking, carrie, life, stay, day, narrative, thinking, story, question, ageless, call, moment, traveled, body, living, people, timeless
SPEAKERS
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto, Damon Pistulka
Damon Pistulka 00:02
All right, everyone, welcome once again to the faces of business. I’m your host, Damon Pistulka. And I am so excited today for our guest. We have Carrie Jacobs provecho here with us today we’re talking about putting your soul back into your work. Carrie, thanks for being here today.
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 00:22
Oh my gosh, damn. And I’m so excited. Thank you for having me.
Damon Pistulka 00:27
Yes. While we got introduced and I started doing the the a little bit research on you, I thought this is going to be a lot of fun. Because someone that spent the time had the career you you have had, and we’ll talk about that a little bit more. But then someone that is as adventurous, I would say that has gone to I believe, at time of publishing of what I saw 17 Burning Man, a man.
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 00:57
Oh, that’s hilarious. I always forget that. They put that in my bio. Yes, I have been long ago. I stopped some years ago, but I was an early, early kind of like, you know, an OG? Yeah, man world.
Damon Pistulka 01:11
Yeah, I just think of that. Because every time I’ve had friends that have gone and I’m like, I do not like dust. I do not like mud. So
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 01:21
you know, I have to say what overcomes the dust in the mud as overcomes the dust in the mud in life is the experiences that you have there with the art and the people, right? So we can I’m sure this will somehow infiltrate our conversation over.
Damon Pistulka 01:33
But that’s something but Carrie, we always like to start out with our guests kind of given a background about where you came from. Because you you’ve done some really incredible things with some big, big names, done a lot of things like that. And then you made a transition in your career. But let’s just kind of understand where you started from and kind of your transition and then we’ll we’ll go from there.
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 01:54
Yeah, so I started off in ad agency world. So I did about 15 years plus in ad agencies all over the world. I lived in London and New York and LA and San Francisco right here where I am today. And then when I was 39, I have what I would call my first sort of big midlife crisis, which is, you know, I was I remember the moment so distinctly, I remember the feeling in my body looking down at my hands, sitting outside of a room about to go into a meeting and asking myself this question, which was, am I really happy? And what is happiness? Right. And I had, you know, I’d become a vice president really young, I think I was 31 when I became a vice president, and I’d Excel, you know, much faster than I plan to. And here I was, in this moment, sitting outside this meeting room, wondering, Am I really happy? And I decided that I didn’t know the answer to that question. And so I sold my condo, which was six blocks from the beach in Santa Monica, I sold about 50% of my stuff, I ended a relationship I’ve been in for like two years. And I took off and traveled for about a year and a half total. And came back and had a had a mighty change, which we can talk about. And then since then I’ve had another mighty change. Yeah,
Damon Pistulka 03:26
yeah. So when you were sitting there, I mean, how long have you been thinking about? I’m don’t like this. I don’t like this. I’m happy. I love what I’m doing. I mean, because in my world, it’s happened to me before where you just go one day, good next day, not so good. And then finally, it just hits and you go, I’m just done with this. But how was it for you getting up to that point?
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 03:54
You know, I had so I will tell you when I was 15 years old. I took a philosophy course in high school and I read a Russian philosopher Tolstoy, and I read Kafka. And there was a story called The Death of Ivan Eliot, do you know that? Have you heard of this story at all? Yeah, right. So the story is about a guy who’s been pretty successful. And he goes to the doctor one day, you know, whistling on his way, thinking he’s having a checkup. And he’s told you have three weeks to live. And in that three weeks, I think this was the time I’m harkening back many years ago now, but it was like some set time to live. And in that time, he just had to lay in bed and think about his life. And he had all this regret because he had put so much time and energy into making money and only making money that he forgot about everything else. And at 15. I remember saying, I’m never going to be that person. And then there would be these moments in my life. You know, you just kind of do the do right. You go to college, you get the job, you get all the things you’re supposed to do and there would be these little moments. So that would I call them sacred pauses, the sort of sacred pauses that would pop in and out? Where I would ask myself like, is this what I’m really supposed to be doing? Am I happy? You know, am I going down this track or if I were told I had three weeks to live today, would I feel like I had fulfilled the full palette of my life. And there were often times when I just felt this like little pain, but then it would be like, Oh, my God, I had a client call, or whatever I had to do, I had to go shoot some creative, and I would be back at it. And I never really gave myself very long to pause. I will say that in around 1998, when it was super uncool, to go on meditation retreats, and people thought I was super weird. I did my first meditation retreat. So by the time I had come up against this moment, when I was 39, I had certainly had, you know, enough reflection time. But a lot of that time and meditation was just started trying to figure out like, how do you sit for 11 hours? How do you get through? I mean, it takes sometimes years to be able to sit for that long. And my big question then was like, What am I even sitting for? Like, what am I after here? What’s, what is enlightenment? So these sort of two questions kept converging, right, like, where is enlightenment? And where am I in my life? And where am I in my career until I hit that sort of 39 year old moment where I took off and, and traveled?
Damon Pistulka 06:33
Wow, that’s me, Deputy what you’re, it’s a big step. Well, you did a big step. I mean, you think about it that age, that age. I mean, it’s still young, still in that in that, you know, everybody thinks we should be in there driving hard doing that. And you said, Listen, I want to stop and I’m going to, I’m going to take the sacred pause, but it’s going to be a long sacred pause to be able to do really think about this. That’s
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 07:02
right. And it was, you know, it was before. Eat Pray, Love came out. Right. So this is something that, you know, I think her book came out, like three weeks after my return. Okay, so, so yeah, so I left and I had two big questions. When I left, I’d written them down in a journal. The first question was, you know, what is my path? Like? What am I here for? I sort of that purpose question that kind of plagues many of us at some moments of our life. And then the second question was, what is the nature of romantic love? Two very big questions. Yeah. I think at that point, I’d been, you know, I’ve been working most of my life, I was single I was 39. About to turn 40 wondering, okay, I didn’t have kids. I didn’t. I didn’t do the things that maybe some of the people, most of the people around me were doing, and I have this big giant pause. Wow.
Damon Pistulka 08:04
I’ll tell you that in a minute.
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 08:08
I can tell you, my dad, right, who was like a finance guy was like, You’re doing what? I’m going to Africa Dad, I’m gonna go to the Himalayas. Dad, I’m gonna go sit in Burma. You know, to my father, this sounds absolutely insane. My dad had never traveled outside the country where we’re Lebanese, by nationality. And once they got here, I don’t think he ever left.
Damon Pistulka 08:34
That’s incredible. That’s incredible. So let’s talk about that. So you’re, you’re on this 18 month journey, trying to try to at least get better clarity on these two questions. What are what am I here for was the nature of true love? So did you have I mean, did you did you have some, like, I’m gonna go here because I want to do this. I want to go there because I want to experience that. So you kind of had some rhyme or reason to this 18 months or, or?
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 09:06
I did, I did, I did. I mean, my goal was to go out, like to make it around the world. Like, that was certainly my goal. Like if I could, you know, not every single continent, but if I could at least touch you know, sort of do around the world. But I will say I was traveling as a single woman. I that wasn’t happening much. You know, yet. Yeah, in the year, so 2004 2005. I wanted to go to places that felt otherworldly, like Africa. I wanted to go to a place where I could experience like, I got to experience the moss. I were in camp with them. I camped with them. I also wanted to go to India because at that point, I have been practicing meditation. And you know, all good meditators. So were really serious at some point up until that time had to go to India. Yeah, it really wasn’t here, right? Yeah. And I wanted to see the Dalai Lama and I wanted to see the Ganga River. And I, you know, I wanted to really soak in, you know, talk about, you know, what I can tell you now, in retrospect is you can go to Africa, and you can still feel the West in Africa, right? They listened to Western music, you know, even even in the middle of the Serengeti, right? You go to India at that time, and everything is everything is Bollywood, all the like, there’s nothing in there. That’s really permeating from America. So it felt like another really another planet at the time. Yeah.
Damon Pistulka 10:45
Wow. So as you’re doing that trip, what were the some of the things that I mean, because this, was this one of your first times on extended out of the country thing like this? Or is this pretty frequent up to that point?
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 11:01
I’ve been out of the country, often mostly for work, and I’ve done some, you know, some fun travel, but nothing like this. Nothing. Half a year like, Well, yeah, I started off with a backpack. But I will confess that about three weeks into the trip, I looked around at all the young kids, I was like staying in hostels. I mean, this wasn’t fancy. And then I’ll have rolly bag. I’m like, What am I doing? Like, it’s the new thing is not to backpack through the world. It’s really rolling back through the world. So I ditched that, and got myself really easy rolling back. But I will say there were, there were three poignant moments that I that to this day, kind of reshaped? How I think about things.
Damon Pistulka 11:45
You want to hear him? Oh, yes, definitely.
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 11:48
So my moment one was that I was in Europe. And I had been alone for many days, like, I’d been traveling alone. And I would certainly talk to people here and there. But I was mostly alone. And I began to have this super visceral experience of being my age through all of my ages. In other words, I was 39. But I remember walking the streets of Italy and thinking, Well, I really, I really am connecting with me, who was five and me who was seven, and me who was nine. And because I had no social construct around me. And there was no social media at the time, email was barely happening. You have to go to, you know, to go to internet cafe. Yeah. What became really clear to me was that when all of my baggage of life was stripped away, all my identities were stripped away. Right? The identity of daughter of sister of vice president of friend, a Burning Man person, when all of it was gone. And it was just me with me. I instantly knew who I was again.
Damon Pistulka 13:03
Wow. That was that had to be something that had to be something. Oh, yeah, we have to come back. So what was number two, then? Yes. We you stripped everything away, and you knew who you were, again, that knew who I was.
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 13:20
And by the way, I will caveat all this because the question might come up, you don’t have to go away to do any of this, but it did help. Number two, this was kind of a big one. So when I had left, um, you know, Bush was president. We were, you know, still healing from 911. There was a lot of, you know, sort of anti anti Muslim, let’s say anti Muslim, like, just sort of narrative out there in the world. And I think I traveled through countries that were that have large, large, diverse populations of all kinds, right, Muslim included, we don’t see that as now we’re starting to but certainly back then we weren’t seeing that as much in the US. And I got on a plane and I sat down one day, it was a United Emirates flight. And I had this absolutely deep exchange with a soldier from Saudi at the time, who either accidentally fell asleep on my shoulder during the slight like he accidentally just flopped over on my shoulder. We hadn’t talked to me woke up. And there we are. I’m the only American on this flight at the time. And we had this beautiful exchange and I thought, wow, you know, I’m not sure things aren’t as high. I’m not sure things are totally what I think you know, I was sort of this hippie at the time I was a little bit of this wire apprentice, like I’m going to change the world. And and then second to that I had another moment when I was in Amsterdam, where I was sitting up on a hill. And I had been reading a lot about all the artists and the wars that had been happening in Europe and I just had this visceral sense of, again, this sort of like, things have always been the way they are. And they maybe are never going to change. Like, you don’t have to change the world, you don’t have to work so hard to change the world, you just and here’s what came to me, you just have to hold down the side of love. Like, you just do that side. That’s enough. Just
Damon Pistulka 15:40
hold down the side of love. Because you’re right. I mean, when you look back through history, you look back through the turmoils, and all the things, we keep repeating ourselves in a lot of respects. But if if you worry about love, that’s, that’s a, that’s a powerful force. For for good, and, and for living happier, I think. Yeah, absolutely.
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 16:06
And, and it solves so many problems at one time, right? It’s like, even when we’re disagreeing, even when we feel like we’re in sort of a, you know, a dualistic handcuffs of right and wrong. If we’re coming from that place of holding down the side of love, you can get to an answer, like they just came to me. And I tell I’ll tell you, it really did shape that, the answers to that second question of what is the nature of romantic love, which we’ll get to, then the third thing, which is it all kind of in a relates here is, you know, sidestepped from the you know, I’ve never told the story just like this, and I’m realizing now how it all comes together. And I’m just feeling a great deal of gratitude for this in this moment. So the third thing that I that I learned is I sat for two months, I was in India for about three and a half, four months total. And of that time, the majority was spent in silence, studying with a Tibetan teacher. And I would take silence at about nine or 10 in the morning. And I would stay silent until around seven or eight at night. And this kind of moment that I’d had when I was in Italy, where I realized I had sort of who I was who I’d always been. And I was sort of ageless. Like there’s a part of me that was ageless. That part of me, that was timeless and ageless. grew in strength. And it was as if any job that I took any person that I dated, any path that I made, and any way I went was the right way. If I stayed in this place of kind of limitlessness, of timelessness of knowing that my the person who is me has a timeless energy about it. And that that timeless energy is actually the same exact, timeless energy that exists in you. That’s a little esoteric. And it’s a really, it’s a really deep learning, right. But if you break it down into its simplest form. I ask people and I’ll ask you this, Damon. When When do you recall having your very first memory? Like how old were you like the very first even if it’s hazy and you’re like, Oh, I kind of remember how old were you
Damon Pistulka 18:48
know, the early years? Like, five, seven years old? Something like that?
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 18:53
Five? Do you remember a little bit of what the memory was?
Damon Pistulka 18:56
Yeah, I can remember playing with my parents.
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 19:01
Yeah, your plant. Yeah. And the funny thing is that five, we don’t really have the cognitive language ability yet to have tracks that memory into language. Do you follow me?
Damon Pistulka 19:14
Yeah.
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 19:15
So what tract? That? Is the same thing that’s tracking you today?
Damon Pistulka 19:25
Yeah, that part like you say, That’s ageless and timeless. apart. That’s ages and timeless. I was just reading about this last week. So it’s weird. Yeah, yeah.
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 19:36
And that’s that’s where you know, that’s where freedom that’s where freedom just find freedom, right? Because if you stay and that’s the difference, you know, in in sort of meditation terms, when we get really bound to our ego are to the story of who we are and what we’re doing. That’s where suffering happens. That’s where it can feel like oh my god, what is this life we’re living? Yeah. If we’re staying in connection with this other A part of us, then it’s pretty hard to not find joy. In whatever we’re doing. Even in sadness, or grief, right, there’s some element of just bold heart opening that happens. So that’s what I found. And then I had to come back home to the United States.
Damon Pistulka 20:28
Well, this is incredible. We’re gonna continue on this is wow, I thank you. That’s what I started with that we’re gonna say thank you there. And we’re gonna move on a little bit, because you then came back. Let’s talk a little bit about that. Because you’re I mean, you’re teaching at Stanford, you’ve got some great stuff going on there. Let’s just let’s, let’s continue on.
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 20:51
Yeah, so I came back. And it took me a minute. And I basically ended up working in mostly in two areas in sustainability. And I was focused on renewable energy, especially after living in places like India and Africa, where they don’t have energy that’s consistent like ours, and the energy would just go off and on at any time. And I ended up working in two solar startups, and then transition that kind of put me into the startup world. And after that, I did three more startups. So I did five startups total, where I led marketing and ended up being a CMO. And, you know, the big change for me, though, coming out of that was, and I talked about this with my clients, is there was a switch that happened. And that switch was the switch from doing to being now, right, and if I focused so much on productivity, I was continuing, I’m just continue to wear my soul down to the ground, right? How much can I produce? How much can I not get fired, right? If I moved into a focus on being how was I showing up, I was I landing. I’m a passionate direct and outgoing woman doesn’t always work so well with everybody. Right? If I could focus on that, if was M stay with this sort of timeless piece of myself, which is presence really, if we want to name and its presence. If I could stay present in every moment to my life, then I found that the satisfaction it didn’t really matter what I was doing. And then it was crazy, because that was just beginning more and more success. Like the more I did that, the more success it was beginning. And so in, in 2020, when the pandemic hit, I was working for a Y Combinator startup called torch, which is still out there. I was the CMO. Like many startups at the time, we had to, you know, crank down spending, and there wasn’t a lot of money for marketing. And the CEO said, hey, you’ve been coaching me, you’ve done a pretty good job, do you want to become a coach, and I said, as a matter of fact, I do. And without really thinking of it, again, like super present moment, I just changed my entire career. And so for the last four years, I’ve been coaching for the last two and a half of that I’ve been facilitating a course at Stanford, called interpersonal dynamics, which is about the being side of leadership and of work. And that leads me to present day Yeah.
Damon Pistulka 23:47
So you one of the things that they you talked about, and I don’t know where it was, I can pull it up here because I’ve got all your all your stuff up here. But it was about you know, you’ve you’ve really what you were talking about in your career at the end there before you started coaching. When you’re coaching people now, and you’ve got these type a people that are coming to you, what are some of the common things that you see with them right away that you saw on yourself that you go, ha, we’re gonna have some fun with this.
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 24:29
I love those people, by the way. They’re my favorites, the more typing the better. Two things, the more typing and the person who says, you know, I can’t meditate because my mind just keeps thinking as if their mind is any different than any mind. Minds job. The minds job is to think right. So I think the commonalities are that typically we’re we’re not we’re living in a very disembodied state. Right. So we’re living you know, about 10 to 15 to 25 feet out in front of ourselves most of the day, you know, you, you and I talked a little bit before we came on air. And, you know, it seems like you’ve found out that just by being in nature and being present with nature, through your own walks, that you can look at a tree and become very embodied, you can sense and feel and take it in. Right? Most of us are literally walking, if you imagine your eyes, you’re, you’re posted about 1015 20 feet in front of yourself. And then you add, you know, cell phones in and now we’ve got this, like, you know, two foot one foot in front of ourselves that we’re living like from here to here all the time. So, the, that’s the first thing I’ll usually see. And I just have an ability at this point to see when somebody is either in their body or out of their body. Yeah. And if I’m able to actually talk to them, or if I’m just talking to the spin in their brain.
Damon Pistulka 26:04
I’ve never heard it said like that. But you can tell when you’re talking to people like that, because there’s just so much going on that you’re really not getting anywhere.
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 26:12
You’re not getting anywhere. And it’s funny because most people it’s been talking to spin. Hmm. You know, and I think that’s why to come back to this question of soul, putting soul back into your work. We’re so exhausted from Spin talking to spin that we feel completely dissatisfied inside. Because the spin is just It’s nothing. It’s vaporware. Our thoughts are vaporware, or our baloney is vapor, it’s vaporware. Right and so we become really disenchanted and sad and disconnected and lonely and frustrated and then seen and then felt. Right, because our bodies aren’t actually with us and the experience. Yeah. Yeah.
Damon Pistulka 27:06
Incredible. Incredible. So as you’re talking to these people, and they think you’re absolutely crazy, because you’re never going to help them. I mean, because
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 27:15
I may not go right into by the way, I may talk about operating operating models for the first three sessions. Right? Yeah, operating model. Right. But
Damon Pistulka 27:24
it’s still these people are going yeah, I hope you can help. But you know, I’ve tried a lot bla bla bla bla bla. So what are some of the things that if these people start to really a, think about it deeply enough to make a change? And then start making that change? What are some of the little things that they’re going to see to change? So if someone’s listening today, and they go, Listen, I, I’m done. I want to try something else. What are some of the little changes that they’re gonna see in their life and their mind? And whatever that’s going to go? You might be on the right track?
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 28:02
Yeah, so I would say if they’re feeling distressed, I’m done. stressed. Stress is a big one, right? Where it’s just you’re in the spin, you’re in the spin, you’re in the spin, there’s so much fear and pressure today. Oh, my goodness, right. The first thing I will practice with them is putting them back in touch with a different place of resourcing. So that they’re not trying to resource from this place of, of spinning out in the mind, but they’re actually resourcing from their neurobiology from their body from a wider, more expansive place. Right. If you’ve ever seen a really great leader speak, and we all have, right, there’s different, different, you know, if you’ve, if you’ve worked for someone like this they’re coming from a resource placed where their intuition, their intuitive listening is high, where they oftentimes listen more than they speak, where they’re enabling their team, where they’re creating space for relationship and interaction. And that becomes the beauty of their job, not their spin. So when people are working with me what we’re what we’re trying to do is put them back in touch with that resourcing that happens from a very different place than the than the mind. It’s usually happening from the body. Sometimes that might include looking at the stories that we all have about what performance looks like, and dismantling some of those stories. Those can come from childhood doesn’t come from college, they certainly come from Stanford, right? So how do we dismantle some of that? Cognitive and neuro the neuro stuckness and then how do we begin to to teach the skills of staying down in in the body. Because the body is so infinitely intelligent, that you don’t have to work very hard for the body to just come up with the answer, it will just be there as if the flower is there for you to just pick it and leadership becomes infinitely easier than when we’re stuck in the spin. Hmm,
Damon Pistulka 30:27
I think we should just just soak that in a little bit. Because it is you’re talking about the flow state when when things happen. We don’t even know how they happen. They just happen. And it’s not when you’re spinning and you’re going oh, guy, well, it’s like, let’s just, let’s just do, let’s just be in a little calmer. And right.
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 30:54
And there’s a whole lot underneath that, right. Because oftentimes, confidence and impostor syndrome and all those, you know, tricky, little tricksters, those will get in the way of us trusting that if we just stay with ourselves, the answers will be there. Right, that flow state that you talked about, right? So sometimes we’ll need to work on confidence and trusting ourselves. And you know, those pieces come with it. But I fundamentally believe that the future leaders of this world at this time need to be operating from this place that we make good choices. Especially in the face in the face of AI, right.
Damon Pistulka 31:33
Like yeah, yeah. This is this is yeah, it’s definitely something that AI can’t replicate. Or, you know, and but if it did,
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 31:43
I would certainly want AI replicating from a space of vast aware knowing than a space of, you know, the mind, which is all ego that’s tricking us into all sorts of yeah, see things right. So
Damon Pistulka 31:57
yes, yes. Okay. Coming back around here, we were prepared for this, I was prepared for it. But not, this is awesome. Because you’re you’re going down a road that I think a lot of people are going to going to really relate to, or they’re going to, they’re going to feel it. Because when you walk down the street, I don’t care where you’re going. And there are people on that street, I would guess that 90% of those people are in that spin mode. They are thinking about their, like you said walking ahead of themselves, I don’t care if they’re 12, if they’re 75. Because we just get conditioned to this, to where we we we can’t, it’s just like we forget that we can just live here and be here. Yes, you still work, you still do the things you do. But it’s not out here in this spin where it’s all getting your your your, your brain, your body, the because when you’re in that spin mode, your body is trying to kill itself. Basically, from the stress, you’re inducing and everything else. And when you can bring that back out. You’re you just you just feel so much better. You
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 33:22
feel better, and you could do more. Yeah. I mean, my husband is constantly saying to me, like, how do you get it all done? How do you and I’m like, you know, I just do whatever, like whatever’s in front of me. There it is. And I’m just restart. I’m like, I’m fully resourced to handle it. I don’t have to work so hard. And you know what you said about 90%, probably 99% of the people out there, hopefully it’s getting better. But our, our it’s spend a spin to spin the spin. And if you multiply that by the infinite infinite number of interactions that are happening in a day, look at all that wasted energy, my gosh.
Damon Pistulka 34:00
Yes, yes. So you’re helping these people and they’re getting there. They’re, they’re figuring things out a little bit for themselves and they’re moving they’re they’re taking themselves out of this spin. What are some of the things that they tell you about their personal lives once they kind of come out of the spin once in a while?
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 34:23
Hmm. Well, without giving away confidentiality, I think that themes that I hear most of all, are usually there is some interruption that has happened somewhere along the way or a stuck narrative or two or three that they are living from an the spin is controlling, or that is controlling the spin right so a stuck narrative, for example might be you know, I came from another country I came to a really great school not Stanford, this is, this is a theme, but I came from a really great school. I’ve never had money. I don’t feel like I belong here. I don’t feel good enough. And MPs I was abandoned by my dad when I was seven, you know? So you start to unpack well, okay, we’ve got some deep narratives right around, not feeling like you fit in not feeling good enough, not feeling like you have the love that you needed. And so how do we, you know what therapy does, it goes really down into the stories and it spends most of its time down into the roots of a tree? What coaching does is it looks at that story. It owns that story. But then it grows up and forward. Right? So you’re looking at now okay, knowing this, we’re not going to go therapy, we’re not going to spend six sessions therapy arising about how you felt about your dad leaving, but we are, what we are going to do is look at how that shaped a narrative that’s interfering. And connecting you into that spin. And we’re going to just dismantle it, we’re going to get rid of it. And we might do practices like I sometimes have people do a practice where they’ll write on one side of a sheet of paper, the narrative that the part of them that feels abandoned and not good enough, and like an impostor feels, and then the other side, which is what is it when you feel like you do belong, and you’re meant to be here, and you can trust yourself fully. Right, and we’ll, we’ll work on that. And I’ll use their language. So I’ll use sort of like neurolinguistics to reprogram that every time they they hit this trigger part of them this old narrative, they can move into the new narrative. And the body begins to recognize that the actual neurobiology changes, and the body will recognize that, right and pull that into present time. And then that becomes the reality. It’s really not hard. We just make it hard. Yeah. It’s hard because our stories are stuck in there’s pain, right? But when we can move through that and just own it and not be afraid of it, and just say, okay, you know, every one of us usually has some story, whether it’s big or small, right. Mine happened to be really, really big. You know, I had to move through a lot of them to get to the place that I feel like I am today, which is still highly imperfect. But a lot better.
Damon Pistulka 37:36
Yeah. Yeah. So as as you’re going forward now, and I want to I want to go back, I’ve got lots of notes here, because we were just having I was having a lot of fun. Me To The, because one of the one of the questions on your 18 month journey was, what is the nature of true love? What have you learned on that?
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 38:06
I don’t know if this is gonna be a very popular answer, but I’m gonna give it to you. So. So what I learned, and I’m going to give you a little more context to the question, I was so fascinated by the fact that 60 to 70% of our movies, if not 80, have a love component in it, right? Where somebody can’t find love. And then they get love, and they’re searching for love, and they lose love. 60 to 80% of our music, right is about romantic love. I was sort of like all over the world. Right? And like, what is this that people are really, really searching for. And I just didn’t buy into the fact that it was really about romantic love. I thought that there’s a different kind of thirst. That’s completely unquenched. And we’ve just gotten a little sidetracked by romantic love doesn’t mean romantic love, it’s not beautiful, and that we shouldn’t have been partnership. That’s great. Whatever your partnership model looks like,
Damon Pistulka 39:04
Whatever it looks like,
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 39:05
Whatever it looks like, okay. So I call romantic love the giant jester in the room. So you know, the jester would come in in front of the Queen and the jester would, you know, juggle balls and bounce around and hold the crown on his head or her head funny. It is a distraction. Action. Oh, yeah. It’s a giant distraction. From finding that place of limitless, timeless, ageless selfness. You’re in love every day when you’re there. You don’t need anybody else to bring you what does what love does is it brings us into present time, right when we really really either love or grief. There are two diametrically opposed emotions that bring us directly into contact with that embodied state that we leave, right? You can’t you can’t just be out and spin land when someone in your life who’s died, you know, like that overtakes you. Same thing with love. So, like looking this hunger for love for love, because I think it brings us into the state of limitlessness, of timelessness of like, the world stops. Right? Yeah, what happens three, four or five years? Like, maybe we need some kids, because we’re, we need that feeling again, and maybe that’s going to come from kids, or maybe it’s going to come from a job change. But the truth is, it’s already here. You do not have to do anything to find it. That was the answer. I have an honest answer I came up with Well, eventually, I did get married. But, you know, he’s my he’s my partner. He doesn’t have anything to do with my responsibilities. My own happiness.
Damon Pistulka 41:00
Yeah. Yeah. That’s awesome. That’s awesome. Well, I think so many people look at look at the nature of love is outside of themselves. But really, you’re talking about today before this, now through this. If you don’t honestly know how to love yourself, I don’t know how the heck you can really truly get to that point, like you talked about, or really you just love. Love yesterday. You love Yes. Your friends you love. Yes. The world you love, you know? Because that’s, that’s really, as you said, romantic love is the gesture. It’s a gesture that says kind of tricking us into this is what it is. But awesome stuff. Awesome. Yeah,
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 41:54
yeah, it really is. Right. It’s really fun. And, you know, it’s it’s wonderful to hear you reflected back. And I will say I am working. I’m working on a book. And I just played in May, I want
Damon Pistulka 42:08
to tell you, I want to get into that just a moment. Yeah,
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 42:11
so the name of the book is complete. Right? And that the concept is that we are enough in and of ourselves that, you know, we can go out and we can do, we can chase all of the markers that were told to chase, get a job, get a good job, find a spouse, have some kids, we can do all of those things. But to your point, if you never really learn to love yourself, if you are living in the spin, and you’re never coming into contact with who you are, the likelihood of dissatisfaction somewhere along the way is pretty high. Right? And so the book is really about my journey. I call it a prescriptive memoir, there’s little stories with little lessons that I learned along the way of how I found for completeness. And in fact, I married myself when I was 51. And then six days later met my husband, right so I wouldn’t have been able to really do this. And it was never in my it was never in my head that I was doing this to meet him. But I did so happen that I don’t think I could have had I not come full circle with myself.
Damon Pistulka 43:24
Yes, that’s awesome. That’s so that’s so cool. Well, you know, Carrie, we are coming up to our end of the time today and we’re talking about putting your soul back into your work and you talking about getting people out of this been helping them out of that. If someone wants to talk to you, what’s the best way to get a hold of you read more about what you do anything like that? Yeah,
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 43:49
so the best way to find me is super easy. It is my name Carrie Jacobs. So it’s www dot Carey jacobs.com. If you go there, you can read more about what my clients have to say about my offerings. And I also offer a complimentary session so you can get a free hour with me and we can hear what’s going on for you. And then I also write a lot so if you put my name in and you put Forbes or Entrepreneur Magazine, there are a lot of different articles that show up that I’ve written about different you know, different angles and lenses into this into these topics. Yes,
Damon Pistulka 44:28
and I apologize because we didn’t talk about all that because you are you are well published writer and many different. Yeah, but it’s been such a pleasure having you here today. Carrie, I just thank you for stopping by and talking with us on the faces of business. And those of you that are listening I just want to say Vaughn thanks for stopping by WE ARE WE you comment early. Thanks for doing that. Thanks for being here. And all the other listeners that are listening today and gonna be listening as we go on to YouTube again and podcasts and all that Go back to the beginning of this. Listen from the beginning. It’s well worth your time to listen to what Carrie has to say about getting yourself out of the spin. really figuring out what’s important in your life and listen to her story. And then if it makes sense, reach out to her and learn more. Carrie, thank you for being here today. Damon,
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 45:20
what a lovely person you are. Thank you for doing what you do. Oh,
Damon Pistulka 45:24
my pleasure. Thanks, everyone. Carry hang out for just a moment. We’ll wrap up after we’re off the air.
Cari Jacobs-Crovetto 45:30
Sounds good.
