24:12
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
suzanne, jill, damon, people, relationships, conversation, programmed, professional networking, talk, relevance, alon, table, personal, feel, business, connect, questions, sell, bar, ira
SPEAKERS
Suzanne Taylor King, Damon Pistulka, Alon Zaibert, Andrew Cross
Damon Pistulka 00:00
Glad to have everyone here today. Thanks a lot. It’s you know, I’m sorry, but it’s Andrew and I, we don’t have IRA we don’t have Johnny, but we do have a lawn which is way better. They’re not here
Andrew Cross 00:16
yet. Let’s harrass those guys.
Damon Pistulka 00:17
Yeah, they aren’t here so we can make fun. It’s like when someone’s out there they get to do all the work after we leave. So Ira is taking his daughter to college, taking his daughter to college and Johnny had an appointment. So we’re going today. Thanks everyone for coming again to the Exit Your Way Business Roundtable. It’s your first time glad to have you here. If you’ve been here a long time glad to see you coming back and man we appreciate it and really love the be able to talk with you today and and do some things. What what we’re going to do today is is different than we’ve done before, because we’re gonna we’re gonna talk about building relationships and and do actually do some, some professional networking exercises to help people get to know each other better. So before we go into some professional networking here, we’re going to talk just a moment. And then I’m going to give you a number a number one or a number two. And what we’re going to do is we’re going to go, number ones are going to move right to the table to the right. And number two’s, we’re going to move left, and we’re going to swap tables. And we’re going to go through probably three, four rounds of professional networking. And if we get so we are all back together again, hey, we’ll be done. So we’re going to do that. And we’re going to ask each other some questions we’re going to tell people about ourselves, and and really try to get to know everyone in here a little better if we haven’t already. And this is something that if this becomes popular, we may do this once a month or every other month or something like that. So you’ll bring in your friends and other people that would be good in here to help help them and to help us all continue to get better at at, you know, learning how to come to a professional networking event and build build some relationships from it. So, Andrew, anything else?
Andrew Cross 02:13
Alon turn it over?
Damon Pistulka 02:14
Yeah, I ant Alon to talk a little bit because we thought we’d bring him in because of his keen ability to help create deeper relationships. And, and so, Alon if you could take it from there, it’d be awesome.
Alon Zaibert 02:32
Thank you. Um, so for those of you who don’t know me, my, my thing is emotional relevance. And I am actually happy to say that two weeks ago I am now the legal owner of the term emotional relevance I got a trademarked which is pretty amazing that I have coined a term in the English language. It’s pretty cool. And it’s a journey. I started about two and a half years ago, but there are three pillars into emotional relevance, stand out, make an impact and get personal. But it’s all about creating trust and openness. And you know, so Damon contacted me a couple days ago and asked me to talk about it today just for a few minutes and talk to me about, you know, the different types of relationships, mainly how to start a relationship. How do you kind of overcome that initial? How do you get to that point where you build some trust and because of those pillars that I talked about remote motional relevance. This is what I teach. This is what I do coach with, mainly business people, but anyone basically so what I’d like to do is actually show you because when people ask me what is emotional relevance, I’d rather show you so I asked Damon now right before we started to pick on someone that I’ve never talked to, I don’t know, and they’re the first time here and I think we We volunteered Suzanne.
Damon Pistulka 04:03
Yeah, I talked to her and she’s gonna come to the stage. So Suzanne, you’re gonna see that it’s gonna pull you on the stage, you may have to turn on your camera and mic, but you will be coming up here now.
Andrew Cross 04:15
We promise we won’t cut you in half.
Alon Zaibert 04:19
And Jill just asked if I’m writing a book about it. You are the third person in the last two weeks who asked me? I’m right. I’ve been writing a blog about it or related to that for over two years now. And it’s called two weeks notice a touch of emotional relevance. every couple of weeks, feel free to go to my website and sign up. We just started a blog club. I ran I. Yesterday we had the second one. And it was just wow, it was overwhelming yesterday. I’m so thrilled. But let’s do it. Hi, Suzanne, by the way, nice to meet you.
Suzanne Taylor King 04:50
You too. I’m super excited.
Alon Zaibert 04:52
Thank you. Let’s take a quick scenario. Let’s say that Suzanne and I are I am I want to sell you something thing. Okay, and this is our first conversation I sent you a couple emails and, and what have you and what have you and then we start the the call. First of all, one exercise that I tell everyone I talk to when you want to establish some sort of relationship is my one of my big thing is every communication every channel of communication should be a two way channel of communication. Right? This is why every salespeople, every salesperson I work with, and they say, Okay, I’m gonna do a demo, like no, forget the word demo demo is a one way communication you are demoing to them, you are presenting to them. It’s one way whether you like it or not, by definition. And so to make it a two way channel communication, call it a conversation, call it a chit chat, call it a discussion, whatever you want to call, it doesn’t matter, but the setting is there. And the other thing is right before you start, a conversation, a meeting a sales pitch, whatever it is. Think about. And literally, I do that myself, right? Take a deep breath. And I’m thinking, I just, it’s a Wednesday evening. I just finished a long day at the office or I’m traveling doesn’t matter. And I just wanted some downtime. And I go to a local bar before I hit my hotel, and I sit at the bar, and I get myself a beer.
Damon Pistulka 06:25
Damon, what beer is it? If it would be me, if I’m in the northwest, it’d be a Widmer, half of isen. And if I go, I would have to see what local amber or Porter they have.
Alon Zaibert 06:37
The important thing is to really imagine because when you imagine it, you can actually feel how cold it is when you hold it. Right? And that comes you down, right? That you’re thinking about it and then all of a sudden, okay, there’s a person next to me on the bar, and she turns around by mistake, and she bumped my hand and I dropped the beer and It all spills. And I’m kind of with a look of really. But that person next to you who, you know, made me spill my my beer, my drink goes to the bartender and goes, please get him another beer. It’s on me of course and I apologize. And then, and then, at that moment, I turned to her and I kind of just, you know, I’m still just want to be by myself, but she turns to me, she goes, I’m sorry. What’s your name? And I say my name is Alon. And what’s yours, Suzanne? And then she goes, What do you do? Now, I can guarantee everybody who’s listening here can feel the vibe completely changed. Yep. And that vibe, you should start the conversation because you are now in a friendly mode friendly conversation you’re not selling. You’re not trying to convince so now so that you don’t know me for Adam. You don’t know me for anything more One to 10 level of trust that you and I have right now. You have towards me level of trust one to 10
Suzanne Taylor King 08:07
one,
08:09
one great very low. You don’t know me. We don’t trust each other. Awesome. We started the conversation. Suzanne where are you based?
Suzanne Taylor King 08:16
New Jersey?
08:17
Ah, which part
Suzanne Taylor King 08:19
South?
Alon Zaibert 08:21
So close to Philly?
Suzanne Taylor King 08:22
Yes.
Alon Zaibert 08:24
Cherry Hill area.
Suzanne Taylor King 08:25
Yeah.
Alon Zaibert 08:26
Really?
Suzanne Taylor King 08:27
Yeah.
Alon Zaibert 08:28
That’s awesome. And are you from there originally or?
Suzanne Taylor King 08:32
Yes, but I spent a lot of time in California.
Alon Zaibert 08:35
Which part?
Suzanne Taylor King 08:36
San Diego.
Alon Zaibert 08:38
No kidding.
Suzanne Taylor King 08:40
Yeah.
Alon Zaibert 08:42
So I moved to the US for the first time in 1993. And I spent a year in San Diego.
Suzanne Taylor King 08:50
That’s actually when I was living out there. How do you like that?
08:58
Okay, so, um, I went to grossmont College in La Mesa, Elcahone. It was a very, very rough year for me. Very challenging year. For me, just so you know, personal, very, very challenging year. I’m not going to get into details. Obviously back then San Diego was different than it is today. I still have relatives there.
Alon Zaibert 09:26
But awesome. What do you do then? If you don’t want me ask him?
Suzanne Taylor King 09:30
I’m a huge diamond ologists
09:34
I can’t spell it. I can’t pronounce it. I definitely don’t know what it is.
Suzanne Taylor King 09:37
Cool.
09:37
Okay. All right. So just Jill said she went to grossmont College as well. Okay, Jill, we’ll talk offline because I have some stories, but we’ll talk offline. Okay, Suzanne, real quick. If you don’t mind. Do you have kids?
09:52
Yes.
09:53
How many?
Suzanne Taylor King 09:54
One
Andrew Cross 09:54
How old
Suzanne Taylor King 09:55
11
Alon Zaibert 09:57
boy, girl
Suzanne Taylor King 09:58
boy. Thank God.
Alon Zaibert 10:00
What’s his name?
Suzanne Taylor King 10:01
Shawn?
Alon Zaibert 10:04
Sorry, Damon, what happened?
Damon Pistulka 10:06
My son played baseball at grossmont College two years ago for a week. This is nuts
Suzanne Taylor King 10:14
fun.
Alon Zaibert 10:15
I want to pause I want to pause for one second real quick. Yeah, please. Suzanne Please be honest. Yeah, one one to 10 level of trust right now.
Suzanne Taylor King 10:24
A five six.
10:27
Okay, guys, this should blow your mind. This gives me chills and I do that for a living. This should blow your mind. Because I still don’t know Suzanne Really? Okay, I don’t know any took By the way, two minutes and 42 seconds because I was you know, and this should blow your mind. And this is what I teach and I’m so glad I got the opportunity to show it. I have the chills. I assume some of you have the chills. But here’s the thing. The three pillars I talked about at the beginning, right? stand out, make an impact and get personal. Each one of them as a whole, of course, you know, bunch of stuff in there. But I’m trained by that I do that and why did I touch some points? I got a little personal. I got you to be a little personal. Now I’m lucky because I know New Jersey pretty well. I’ve been around nice. I happen to spend a year in San Diego swear to god happen. But the point is to try to pick on those things.
Suzanne Taylor King 11:28
Yeah.
Alon Zaibert 11:29
Now Oh, also, you know, we’re talking about no commitment. There’s no selling, there’s no no, it’s all questions that Suzanne feels completely. She doesn’t need to think about the answers. Right. And that gets her by the way. I would never and none of you here ever, ever get to ask Suzanne within four minutes of conversation first conversation about her son, or about personal information because we are programmed not to do that. in corporate America, right? Just me asking her that is a little different. Right? It’s a little personal, right? It’s not too intrusive, and it’s okay. And it’s especially okay after I shared some personal information. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, Suzanne, thank you very much.
Suzanne Taylor King 12:19
You’re welcome. Awesome.
Damon Pistulka 12:22
Suzanne, that’s that’s great. And, and you know, and this is this is something that that we wanted to wanted to cover because a lot of people well, I’m, I’m, believe it or not kind of I don’t like professional networking events because I don’t think you know, the things that you’re say and we don’t want to feel too programmed, we want to be real, real natural about it, and Alon is very natural and the way he he understands and really the questions he asked and those things and wanted to go over some of those those techniques today and I you don’t even like to use that word because when you understand how to do it naturally as he does and learn from him, trying to do better, it really becomes easy. If you do it that way, it’s about understanding people. And we’ve all as he said, In the US, we get programmed so much to not be personal at all in business. And it is. And as we’ve seen over the last few years, getting personal in advertising and everything else is really becoming the way that we have to sell the way that we have to build relationships and do the things that we do that it is necessary to understand these things now and use them and in every day that we everyday life that we as much as we can. So
13:48
faiman real quick I have. I’m just looking at some of the comments here and I just want to address a couple of them. I’m not sure how many of them are all of them are really serious or some of them. Some of them are facetious. But there’s one particular one that Jill said at this point. As a woman, I’m concerned at your motive. And I’m not sure at what point you wrote that. Yeah. And I gotta tell you, I’m okay with that. Okay with that, because then later on, you’ll see what my motives are completely honest. And you’re, and I will okay if it’s a little different. I’m okay for this being a little different. Because
Suzanne Taylor King 14:25
Yeah,
14:26
sorry, Suzanne, go ahead.
Suzanne Taylor King 14:28
I just want to address that. Well, Jill says at this point, she’s concerned about your motive, like maybe you’re hitting on me at the bar, right. And I disagree with that. Because I network with a lot of men, and I find the ones that are willing to get to know me as a person, not as a woman, not as a man, like let’s take that out of it. And if we’re really going to network together and Damon did it perfectly, so if he’s learning from you, he did a great job. Because when he and I connected, it was, you know, we took it from a networking event to a one on one call. And I didn’t. I didn’t feel like any of his questions were like, Oh, I want to get to know Suzanne so I can ask her out on a date. It was more how can we help each other in business? So, um, yeah, I don’t feel that way at all. That it that it was an
Alon Zaibert 15:27
Oh yeah. And Jennifer just commented as well. And, and that’s fine, Jill. All I’m saying is, that’s fine. I’m not concerned about it and we should not be concerned about it. I’m sitting music was fantastic as a viewer. Yes, she’s but what I’m saying is, you know, even if you’re concerned, that’s okay. That’s why you can be concerned for a second I don’t blame you and I’m not you know, you’ll see what happens at the bar. The bar exercise could be a basement Game exercise that doesn’t matter. Really, I was just trying to get the atmosphere before, you know, you know how in the old days still some pizza places make the call center sales, cold sales people on the phone, they make them smile, right before they pick up the phone call because you can hear the smile on the call, right? Kind of same concept of getting the vibe of the ambience in a way. And it’s okay. If you think I’m if I’m hitting on you, Jill,
Andrew Cross 16:34
I think you know that. That’s important. And also, you know, not only that it’s transactional, too. I mean, we’re in business too. And that’s I think people have a you know, there are people who are doing that, yeah, they’re either hitting on you or they’re selling you something and you know, it’s all the things that that’s a bad experience and not, you know, not the way to connect. It really doesn’t matter. As long as you’re not doing that. But if he was sitting on it, it was not appropriate.
Damon Pistulka 16:59
Yeah.
Andrew Cross 16:59
You know pretty
Suzanne Taylor King 17:00
well, you know, there’s a difference between appropriate and not appropriate. And I’m just going to give an example really quick. I have a client who hired me over to other business coaches for his business. He’s an older man. And I was the only female choice. And he went to my website, and he read about me, but he said, okay, she’s cute. And that got me the job that got me the initial conversation. But what got me the job was what I said in that conversation. So in that aspect, I don’t care. I don’t care if he picked me, because my photo on my website is appealing to him. I know that when I
Alon Zaibert 17:47
use the fact that you’re looking good, that’s absolutely fine. I have no problem.
Damon Pistulka 17:52
Right that hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah. I mean,
Andrew Cross 17:58
I think one of the things that I’m I learned from Milan are still learning from a lot and about that too is that you know, it’s just as it when you go into connect to and you’re different if you go in and you’re just genuinely interested. Yeah, you know and you know I’m not connecting to sell something, you know Yeah, but now you need to do that because that’s my job and we all have to do that for our businesses and everything else but you know it you know, it’s cool to meet just interesting gal, but things will calm down and you went for that it comes through, right and then all the rest of it the sales we fall Look,
Alon Zaibert 18:34
if nothing else, if nothing else, Andrew, I’m sorry. I interrupted you if nothing else. One of the biggest thing in corporate America is and I keep saying that and yelling it and you know, you’re not supposed to make friends at work. You’re not supposed to share emotions, or feelings. God forbid you hug somebody. At work, be it man or A woman doesn’t matter, however, innately as human nature, as human beings we need that not want. And it’s not me it’s science and research and tons of work around our need to be hugged, to feel connected to feel sociable. And so I’m what I’m doing my why my, you know, my mission is bridging that gap because it’s a conflict, right? We are programmed at work to do something against our native meat and one and so when you get to that environment when you get to that opportunity, people when you press that button, people just being us. So if I’m not yelling it loud enough, allow me please, to yell it loud enough. What I’m doing what I did what I did subconsciously to Suzanne is allowing her to Be her.
Andrew Cross 20:02
Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, we we look at a lot of different organizations, you know, when we’re working with clients, you know, when when they’re exiting everything else. And one thing that we get so we’re lucky, we get to see that, and the really successful organizations and the leaders and those organizations, that those are unwritten rules about not being a multiple, we see it time and time again. They’re breaking down. Yeah, the close friends, they have the tightest relationships they have wasn’t met, you know, yes, they work together. They may be employees, you know, it. It’s, you know, they do that constantly. So, and I don’t know why, you know, why this barrier exists? Yeah. So I think you’re absolutely, yeah.
Alon Zaibert 20:45
And just one little sentence and I’m going to shut up for now, Damon, individual world, in the virtual world and I’m about to release a whole new program for specifically for the virtual world. But one of the things that research is already showing is that the settings, the settings, by default are already more intimate. I mean, I can see you know, Andrews, whatever living room, I’m in his home, right you can see some family pictures on my end, the subconscious works we are in a more intimate settings, which allows us gives us a more feeling of openness. Right. So to be more us, which is for me, this is Disneyland, right? So yeah, use it.
Damon Pistulka 21:38
Good. Good. Yep. So what we’re gonna be doing now is, we’re gonna go back to the tables, and I’ve got a timer set up and you’re gonna see it start and it’s gonna, we’re gonna have eight minute rounds, we’re gonna have a minute in between, and we’re gonna the so we’re going to start with tables we’re at and then if you’re I’m not going to worry about some systematic thing. I want you to move to a different table. Get in with somebody else that you don’t know if you can, we’re going to do three rounds of this. And we’re going to have different questions. But I want to start out with letting someone know your name. Obviously, if it’s not on the screen, do that. But then start about where you’re from at everyone, and then I’m going to pop pop questions into the announcements that are going to be different questions. Your third question. So the first one I want you to do when you sit down the table, you’re gonna say, Okay, I’m Damon, I’m, you know, I’m from where I live now. And then I’m going to say, what hobby or volunteer activity do you do? And why do you like it? Because we want to share a little bit about ourselves. As you’re gonna, you know, if you’ve talked to Mike O’Connor, Ira Bowman, anybody else that does a lot of professional networking. It starts with giving everything starts with giving Sharing a little bit about yourself, sharing something a little bit personal as long as helps to get this thing started and doing more. So we’re going to do that. And then the next then when that timer goes, I work, I’m going to put up the announcement for the third question, you’re going to get to the next table, you’re going to say your name, you’re going to say, Where are you from? And then we’re going to have another question. And we’re going to do a third question. And if we can get to a fourth one, maybe, that at the end of this, we’re going to be at 845 850. We’re going to end up quick, we’re going to give everyone five to 10 minutes to wrap up any other networking they want. And we’re done at nine, we’re not going till 930 today, one of the things that we’re doing is changing the format, reducing the time a little bit so people can get out faster, but still get the meeting of the people that they want. So we’re going back to the tables. You’re gonna go you’re going to sit down that table if yet and you’re going to say my name, Where am I from, and then a hobby or violence Your activity that you do and why you like it. So we’re going back to the tables
