• 54:13
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
Success without sacrifice, building a whole life, emotional fitness, trauma-informed, high-performing men, coping mechanisms, relationship skills, well-being skills, emotional awareness, mental fitness, loneliness, connection, self-regulation, mastermind group, personal growth.
SPEAKERS
Peter Armstrong, Damon Pistulka
Damon Pistulka 00:07
Alright, everyone, welcome again to the faces of business. I am your host, Damon Pistulka, and I am so excited for our guest today, because we have Mr. Pete Armstrong with us today, and we’re going to be talking about success without sacrifice, building a life that feels whole Pete, my friend, welcome.
Peter Armstrong 00:34
Gosh, I’m blessed. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Damon Pistulka 00:37
It’s so much fun to have you on dude, because, you know, we’ve met a long time ago. You’ve been on the show before, repeat offender. So appreciative of you. Come back. But really, and I don’t know how much you know about this, and I we, I think we’ve talked about a little bit, you really your mission, your message to man, connected with me so deeply when we first met that it really was something because, you know, and you’re going to talk about it more today, but there’s a lot of high performing men out there that are just suffering. This is true. Yeah, this is true. This is true. And talking,
01:27
what’s that? Silently? Oh,
Damon Pistulka 01:29
silently, oh, yeah, most silently, I think, because they think it’s normal. And you know, so today we’re talking about success without sacrifice and building a life that feels whole and Pete, I like we always like to start out, tell us a little bit about how you got into doing what you’re doing and how you’re helping people today.
Peter Armstrong 01:52
Well, thank you. Thank you for letting me talk about this. I’m glad that my mission and what I care about and what I believe in resonates with you. Man, you know I can tell you this. Man, I feel comfortable being with you. Man, like I hope someday I can meet you and be with you and and you just got done sharing this beautiful story about how when you walk on the beach, you know, outside of Seattle and during low tide, I want to experience that with you someday now, like there’s something about you. Man, that I am grateful, that I know you okay. So I just want you to know that. Thank you. I can’t, can’t. This is me feeling, yeah, I don’t have the words, but I can feel okay. This is what I try to help men do is I’m healthy. I feel like we have a connection, yeah? And if we were together, we would just be together and enjoy nature and talk about things. That’s why we’re here today. And so I just want to share that. So thank you. And then also, yeah, I mean, I mean, I think the Cliff Notes is that, you know, for the majority of my life, I did struggle with not feeling enough, kind of not feeling like I belonged, kind of like an outsider, stuff of that nature and but I still, you know, found the way to be the the life of the party. You know, I was a funny guy. I was a happy one. I was the one that got everyone to do the silly things. I was the one that got people to let’s go cliff jumping, let’s go on a trip. Let’s go on a bike group, bike ride, like I’m that kind of guy, but in many ways, struggling, you know, and in many ways that that way I coped through being funny and silly and always being social was one way for me to cope with what I was feeling inside. And, you know, I got therapy and coaching and learning, and it took alcohol in my life, and I got training and mental fitness and training and trauma. So helping trauma. What I mean by that is essentially trauma is, are these emotional wounds, these experiences in childhood that in many ways shaped us, that root of our pain. I am trained in that. So I’m trained in the root level things that men struggle with. I’m trained in that because at the end of the day, what I found in my own journey is like therapy was kind of helped me. Coaching kind of helped me. But what I found to help me the most was this deeper trauma informed root level approach and my coach. I got my coach slash mentor, Tommy Walker. I worked with him for 18 months. He helped me heal, helped me. I’m gonna say it this way, help me love myself. Yeah, I didn’t know. I didn’t love myself. I didn’t know. So when a man says, If someone says like, I don’t feel like I’m enough, I feel like there’s something missing. Yeah, that’s shame, man. That’s, that’s, that’s, that’s that not enoughness, that. Whole, the only way to fill that is through, is through love and acceptance and that through. And I know I’m talking about it in a woo, woo way, maybe, but I want to be very clear, you know, love and acceptance, this is the way of a lot of spiritual wisdom. Yeah, you know, I think about Christianity, you think about Buddhism, you think about Hinduism. They’re all talking about love and acceptance, yeah, you know. And so what I realized when I got that help, it changed my life. My relationships with my kids were better. I was less angry, yep, I was more empathetic. I didn’t need unhealthy coping mechanisms as much like alcohol or or even striving. You know, I still have this edge to have my own business. I’m a high achiever. I love achieving. I love being myself and growing to my edge, but I’m not doing it, because when I stop, I feel alone, lonely and not enough. And doing it because I’m I want to save the world. Man, yeah. Does that make sense? Like I used to do these things because it was a coping mechanism, like I was, I was striving to help myself feel better about myself, so that when I walked into a room I can be like I got a Masters. I’m a $15 million program. I got 15 people under me. I live in this neighborhood. It helped me. It really helped me feel better about myself. But I don’t know about you if you ever felt that way. It doesn’t really work forever. So that’s so I got into this work, my own struggle, and honestly. And then I was like, after I started changing, I was like, I gotta help, man, I gotta help other high achieving dads become better fathers. And really takes, take success in the career and business, and let’s move into success at home. Because I don’t know about you, man, but like, if home life isn’t right, you can do your best job at compartmentalizing. But I know, for me, man, it’s like, I know it’s there. You know, even if I hide it with work and whatever and or numb it with alcohol back in the day or whatever, man like you, What you resist persists, you know, yeah. So that’s how I got into this. And now I’m helping men. You know, some of my clients. I got a client who, you know, $15 million business. He’s got 60 people under him. It’s in a he’s actually exiting his company. Now, I actually helped him get there because he was afraid, in many ways, like, who am I going to become if I exit my company? Who am I going to become? Right? And so I had to coach him on this deeper mindset coaching and help him finally, believe and understand his emotions, including fear, fear, fear of what’s going to happen, like, what’s going to happen if I and he has the money, he has a capital. He’s got the wealth that’s fine, but what he didn’t have is then that they believe in himself, you know? And so, yeah, I help business owners, and I help men in leadership really learn relationship skills and well being skills, so they can be, to put it simply, happier have better relationships, in particular at home,
Damon Pistulka 08:26
yeah, well, because I think, and some of this is from personal experience, you know, like you said, you can be a high achiever at in your profession, and as soon as you shut that off, and you go into your personal life, alcohol, any other bad habit you can think of that that really doesn’t, doesn’t, you know, you know, trying to cope with the fact that you don’t really feel like you’re enough takes over and and then when you’re trying to do or and, or you’re going home to a family at night, the stress is high because you don’t, you know, you’re always it’s in stress, like you said, I understand what you’re saying now about after doing that, because myself, I’m more of in a place like that. You want to achieve. You want to do well, but it’s not who you are. And if you don’t do that, it’s not going to make you less of a person. It’s not going to, you know, some of the things that that we get stuck with when, when they’re in that phase, but, man, it is such a rough life to live
Peter Armstrong 09:38
well. Think about it from the simplicity of it, is a rough life to live, because if you say this in two ways, but one way is, can you think about it? You’re telling yourself in many ways, and we don’t do this intentionally. This is all subconscious. Yeah, a lot of men don’t realize they’re doing it right, or they can’t figure out how to shut it off. Yeah. Yes, like, this client in question, he’s like, like, why do you? He’s like, I need help. I can’t I can’t sit down and watch a movie with my kids and my wife. I’m always, I always have to be multitasking. And we start coaching on this over a couple months. And what, what came to fruition, and what came to discover was, when he slows down, he doesn’t feel enough, so no shit while you’re multitasking. Yeah, who wants to no one wants to feel that pain. Yes, we will do anything. And I say that with that emphasis, we will do anything to not feel that pain. Because to not feel enough is, to me, in many ways, it’s like the opposite of feeling loved and accepted,
10:42
yes, yes. And,
Peter Armstrong 10:46
you know, you call it respected. He something called, I want to be respected. I want to be, you know, cared for. I want, you know, all these things, right? But like, at the end of the day, it’s, it’s love and acceptance and and the second way I’ll say it is this. I mean, by the way, think about this, if you tell yourself, hey, you’re not enough, man, if you unless you get X, Y and Z done every night at home, yeah, that’s stressful, because you’re telling yourself you’re not good enough unless you get this thing done. So guess what that does? That creates fear. Yeah, it’s motivation, amen. You get some results, but that fear is what creates chronic stress, and chronic stress creates disease, and disease kills. Yeah, so this stuff’s all connected. I’m gonna say it one more way. Would you tell your child? Would you tell your child, your little daughter and your son. Hey, you’re not enough to me, unless you achieve X, Y and Z. When I talk to guys like that, or what would you do if your daughter or your son came to you sad, lonely, afraid, what would you do for
12:01
him? I help them, I’m gonna help them.
Peter Armstrong 12:04
Yeah, hey, man, and this is, these are men that are, I would say in the beginning of working with me, they’re not fully emotionally aware and not putting them down. That’s why they come to me, yeah, exactly. I want fucking skills, man. I want to. I want to. I want to be fit. I want to be emotionally fit. And they say to me, You know what they noticed. They’d like, I would have given them a hug. Isn’t that beautiful? Yeah, they know Intuit. They know that this is probably what I need to do, is give my kid a hug. And I’m like, that’s what we need to start doing for yourself.
12:38
Yep. And they’re like, Huh,
Damon Pistulka 12:44
well, we don’t think about that.
Peter Armstrong 12:47
Well, no, because, because we’re because, because we weren’t programmed that way. We weren’t taught to not to have emotions. Man, yeah, this is real. This is real. I’m reading this book. I’m reading this book. It’s amazing book. It’s called the emotional life of our brain. It’s written by Richie Davidson. And he’s a world renowned neuroscientist here at UW University of Wisconsin, Madison. He’s done work with the Dalai Lama, and in his book, he was telling a little bit of the story about psychology and neuroscience that really honestly, man only within the last like 34 years, don’t exact quote me, but roughly 30 to 40 years, and maybe even less than that, did we realize how important emotions were for humans? So think about that. We think about that from anything like anything that’s only 30 years new or old. It’s it takes time.
Damon Pistulka 13:47
Yeah, you know, yeah. So that’s not very
Peter Armstrong 13:50
Yeah, no, not at all. And the reason why, part of reason why I’m saying that, man, is because, listen, man, there’s a lot of men who don’t struggle with alcohol, but the biggest thing they’re attached, or, let’s call it, addicted to is, is the work piece, and that’s a real struggle, man, because in many ways, you’re rewarded for that. In a, yeah, in a in a financial wealth standpoint, it’s a lot of guys. It makes sense to keep doing it. I love those guys. I love the guys that have that, that you know, career businesses, success or financial wealth, but they don’t have, you know, the wealth, the social wealth, the wealth of of well being, and the wealth of family wealth, and the wealth of happiness. That’s what I love the most, man, yeah, because they’ve already seen it. They already know what
Damon Pistulka 14:42
it’s like. Yes, well, because you’re right, because you can sit there and you can have all those things, the monetary wealth, the title with the business, whatever you have. But when that light shuts off on the door and you walk out if you don’t have a if you don’t. Have the life beyond that. It’s a pretty empty place to be, and it really and we men sometimes just get used that. They just think, well, you know, this is, this is part of it. I can remember this was no this was decades ago, but when it was, when I was working with with investors and running companies for them, it was pretty much if you were an executive in an operating company, you probably would be divorced. I remember
15:39
you sharing this, yeah,
Damon Pistulka 15:41
yeah. And it’s just one of those things that was kind of an accepted norm that that’s probably was going to happen and and it these kind of things, like you’re saying, that’s 30 years ago, probably when I first heard that, but we didn’t think about how much that is costing us over the years, and how much that our minds, because that’s almost for men this like you’re saying the the professional success, we’re not enough. We’re not professionally set. How that affects our minds, and how that affects so many other decisions that we make, like, subconsciously, right? The decision, the decision. Well, I’ve got something important that’s, quote, important at work, but it’s my daughter’s my daughter’s softball game, recital, whatever. What am I going to do? Well, the person with the mindset I talked about is probably not going to make it. They’re going to make an excuse. They’re not going to make it well, you know, 1010, 10 events into that, that affects the family, and it’s just child affects the family. Affects your marriage, if you’re married, it affects, you know, just everything, and
Peter Armstrong 16:59
your general generations, yes. And I mean, really, it affects, literally, your family lineage.
Damon Pistulka 17:07
Because if you’ve got children in that, they expect that, and they think that’s how it is and it and that’s that’s why, I think one of the reasons I connect so much with what you do because you’re breaking the cycle. This is a cycle of we at all costs, and most of that cost is our children, our family. We’re going to go out and try to do that. We’re going to, you know, men are going to go out and try to make their way in the world and provide. Well, the difference between here providing and they’re providing in those situations, while some of the success of money can help you, there’s a certain point when that just doesn’t matter anymore.
Peter Armstrong 17:51
Well, yeah, and I think one of the love things I love to do is I love to help men. Men love to learn like, they like to know why if I tell you to go do X, they’re like, do X, they’re like, why? You know, like, tell me more about love and acceptance, right? And I can’t just tell them that. I have to help them experience it, yes, but what I was going to say to in what men, if men knew more about child development, like, if they understood how a child’s mind develops and works, if they understood like attachment, science more often and these things, if they could understand what it is to make a healthy human being a well being. I know men would would start to prioritize their children. Because, do you know how many men sit on that couch? Man, and say to me, You know what? Man, they don’t. It’s always, it’s not always conscious. After coaching deeper coaching, you know what they say to me? Man, I just, I just wish my dad would spend more time with me. I’m not. I’m not. I’m not bullshitting you. Man, that is a common theme amongst high achieving men. They really, at the end of the day, they have deep grief and sadness that their dad didn’t spend enough time with them. And I’ll stop here. But what happens in a child often is, is, if your dad won’t spend time with you, right, think about the story they tell to themselves, you know. And this is real, and this stuff does happen, and you can say, well, they shouldn’t think that. Unfortunately, that’s not the way the child’s mind works, yeah. And unfortunately, it’s not the way that human beings work. We are based on connection,
19:50
yes.
Peter Armstrong 19:53
And so I think, honestly, if men started, I think there needs to be, like, a huge thing, like men, if men. Knew more about why they struggle with their stuff, but they also understood why their kids are struggling and what’s going to happen to them if they don’t have a relationship with them. I think more men would be doing this work, the work that I’m doing, because when when men talk work with me, they’re like Pete. Man, you literally, you’re the ripple, man, like you’re the rock, I’m the next ripple. Yeah, this is how, this is our two clients said this to me, Pete, you’re the rock, I’m the next ripple. My wife, my kids. It keeps going. You are and I’m, like, because I was, I was having lunch with one of my old clients two months ago, and he asked me a question, and I it wasn’t firm and with fervor that I believed in myself, like in my business and what I’m doing. And he looked at me with like, like a tear in his eye, and he told me that story. He’s like, Do you know what you’ve done? And I was just like, I mean, I started crying, like I was joyful, but I was also sad at the same time that, like I was joyful, that I helped him, but I was also sad that, in some way, shape or form, there are times that I don’t do men are men ready for this? You know, are they ready for this? Can I Can this be what I believe it can be, you know, because there’s a hurdle to this work.
Damon Pistulka 21:34
Yeah, I think, I think the, I think people are ready for it. They may just have to ease into it a little bit, but I’m gonna, you know, I think, and you can tell me more about this. Do you’re then, let’s talk about the results that you know, men see when they’re working with you. Because one of the things that that I’d like to cover a little bit today is a couple things. How do we break out of these habits? I mean, because that’s these are habits, right? They’re habits. They were ingrained when we were young. We thought we you know, we learned this. But how do we begin to step out of that?
Peter Armstrong 22:18
Awareness, okay? Awareness. Awareness is the gateway to positive change. There you go. I mean, you, in my opinion, you look at this, you come at it with curiosity and empathy and compassion. You know it doesn’t. I mean, honestly, man Damon, if you ask about your, you know, past drinking, or my past drinking, and where I’m just using drinking, you know, it doesn’t matter what the thing is, yeah, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. But that one’s, like, an easy one. But I also don’t like using it, because I think people shut off when they’re like, oh, I don’t have a drinking problem. It doesn’t matter whatever. Let’s just call it this, whatever undesired behavior or undesired habit you have, the best thing you could do is get awareness on what is the value that thing, that habit, that behavior, is providing you. And you know, I can I talked to men about this with, like, alcohol or whatever. Let’s just use alcohol, talking about alcohol or even pornography or
23:33
social media. It’s
Peter Armstrong 23:35
any social media, yeah, that’s a great one sitting on the phone. Let’s see that. Yeah, social media, like, what’s, what’s it providing you? Like, absolutely nothing. It’s just so stupid. I don’t know. Man, I just, I just get, I just, it’s just, there’s, there’s nothing. It doesn’t provide me any value. And I’m like, What’s it helping you with? Yeah, I shut up and I shut up and and almost always what they say is, it’s an escape.
Damon Pistulka 24:04
It’s what it’s an escape. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Peter Armstrong 24:08
Think about when he if we’re gonna escape some from something, why would you escape from something? Yeah,
Damon Pistulka 24:16
it’s because you don’t want you’re not comfortable where you want to be where you are right now,
Peter Armstrong 24:21
100% Yeah, often that places in here,
Damon Pistulka 24:26
yeah, because that’s one of the one of my notes for this is, you know, this is, this is really, really starts and ends in our minds, and then the habits break out of this as soon As we, like you said, the awareness, the and really look at things, the things we’re doing, as you said, with awareness and going, what is that really doing? And why? Why? And then if we can come back into, okay, let’s, let’s replace that with something that actually moves me in the direction I want to rather. And just gets me out of where I don’t want to
Peter Armstrong 25:02
be correct. It’s beautiful. You’re putting it like, can we find a healthy way, healthy way, unhealthy way. But another thing is this too, sometimes you can actually, you the work that I do, you can actually sometimes eliminate that thing almost entirely, you know, because your emotional state is indeed largely influenced by your beliefs. Okay, so let’s just say whatever your belief is in a given moment that’s going to elicit an emotion. And so let’s just say it’s like, oh, I don’t feel good enough today, right? That’s going to elicit some sort of emotion of sadness or fear. And if you don’t want to feel that, dude, I want to escape from that feeling. I’m going to go on the phone, right? I’m going to go and multitask around the house. I’m going to go pull weeds. And my kids are sitting there doing nothing in their in their in their house, you know, like, that’s the stuff that men like don’t realize. It’s like, if you could understand how you feel about yourself and what you believe, this is important. We need to find out what we believe about ourselves that we don’t know we believe about ourselves. Yes, does that make sense?
Damon Pistulka 26:25
Oh, yes, because you don’t even realize you don’t even realize you know Right? Like,
Peter Armstrong 26:31
yeah, not feeling enough. I didn’t know that my anger, this is my TEDx talk and share this story. I didn’t know that my anger, the majority of my life was rooted in actually shame and not feeling enough and fear, but I but because I felt that way, I don’t know why, but anger was just like the way to like, oh, you know, just let it out, yes, yelling at the kids, arguing with my wife, whatever it was, you know. But again, man, I’m gonna go back. Man, what does a human being need? It doesn’t feel enough. Yeah. I mean, if your kid came to you like this, I mean kids, how many kids you have? Again, 232, I know they’re they’re older, right? Yeah, they are. Yeah. Still hug them every time I see them, right? It doesn’t matter 30 but usually I don’t go there because we can judge humans. Humans are good at judging humans, yeah, but when a little baby or a little child, innocent and sad alone, you know, afraid, you almost always have the answer, right, and it’s to care for them. And so that’s that’s exactly what we need to do for us. So in the moment of a guy, this is kind of a tip, like if you want to go, by the way, this is rooted in neuroscience, and a guy named Judd Brewer, he he does addiction and habits. Uh, he’s on the rich he has a podcast on Rich Roll. The Rich Roll podcast. Judd Brewer is on his podcast, and on that podcast, he talks about this, but whatever undesired habit you have, try to connect with how you’re feeling and the feeling emotions. What are you feeling? Not only like you can look up the you can look at the feelings wheel, okay, feel afraid, but what are you noticing in your body? That’s a skill that’s something we have to learn. But if you can get awareness how you’re feeling when you’re about to go, reach for the alcohol, when you’re about to go, reach for the phone, when you’re about to go and do some meaningless tasks around the house, because whatever, check in with yourself. How am I feeling right now?
Damon Pistulka 28:55
So great point. It’s great tip, yep.
Peter Armstrong 29:02
And the one way to resolve that is through the breath. I think you and I, maybe, last time I was on here, we did a little breathing like the breath. The breath is a great way to you can do this method called 426, it’s a four second inhale through the nose, pause for two seconds. Six second exhale. You do that. Do that five to 10 times before. Let’s just say you’re going to want to go reach for the thing. Just try that. Try to interrupt the almost habit behavior by regulating your nervous system. It’s crazy how it works, and it’s so simple, but if you just start getting awareness and your emotional awareness and use the breath to kind of regulate those emotions and have a little compassion for yourself, you actually can change your behavior. It’s insane. Yes, it. This. And this isn’t me just talking about this. This is rooted like there’s research on this and in the mind and the emotions and so Richie Davidson is a good person to research on this. He has a ton of talk. Jed Brewer also has a TED talk. I believe these are two, like, world renowned researchers. Yeah, I like lots.
Damon Pistulka 30:22
Yep, I want to hit random Rick reviews. Dropped a comment off YouTube. Social media can help some folks find their tribe, and that may not be in their immediate area that that is, but he said, it’s definitely a double edged sword. And he brought up one thing that we didn’t think about video games. I’m actually, actually, honestly, I’m glad I grew up before that. You know, the video games were as popular as they were now, because I see even my younger brother in laws and stuff that you mean that that can eat up significant amount of time and and away from your kids, basically 100%
Peter Armstrong 31:00
Yeah, but it’s the same thing. It’s exact same thing. Yes, what do you what is it? What is it helping you with? Yes, it’s helping every human with something. I mean, I have a video game story, man, I mean, I talk about this in my TEDx talk too. Man, my son, my son. I caught my son, he was about 16 years old, playing online video games on, like a Wednesday at like midnight. They said that that inner dad, yeah, like, what’s going on here? Let me I open the upstairs door. I saw the lights on. I’m like, usually I would snap, but this time in my life, I’m more emotionally regulated. I feel better all these things, right? Walk up the stairs. He had his, you know, his head headphones on. He didn’t even know I was coming, right? And little tap on the shoulder, and he’s like, he gave me the look of panic, right? And I just so, what’s going on, man, what’s going on? But yeah, and I just approached him with curiosity and compassion, because I know what it’s like, you know, to do things that you don’t really want to do. And you know what my son said to me, he’s playing the online video games, and I can’t believe he’s opened up to me, but and I got a permission to share this story at X Talk. But like he told me, Dad, I feel lonely, and the online gaming helps me feel connected. It helps me feel less lonely. Dude, I got chills. I mean, what are you gonna say to that? Yeah, all I can do is hug them, man. Yeah, right. I mean, like, and same with these guys, who are gals, girls, kids, adults that are in video games. Yeah, it’s helping with something. Obviously, it has a consequence, dude, this is, this is tough, man. This is, um, is pseudo connection better than no connection, and is pseudo connection getting in the way of him developing the skills to have connection. That’s probably the area that I venture into with him. Like, hey buddy, it’s okay. A little online connections all good, and nothing replaces in person connection, though, yeah, working, working with him. Got him a therapist. I’m Kinder with him, I’m more compassionate with him. I’m teaching them skills. And so I share that with you, because, like, video games is a tough one.
Damon Pistulka 33:41
Yeah, it is. So as you’re as you’re helping these men work, work through these things and really become more aware of themselves. What are some of the results, some of the things that they are saying? I mean, you, you mentioned a couple things. I want to get into some specific things that they’ve dropped for you over the over the time you’ve worked with them and after,
Peter Armstrong 34:06
yeah, great result. So results less a significant reduction in isolation. So what I mean by that is like shut down when a man, for example, conflict with their wife, they would tend a fair amount of my guys would shut down, emotionally isolate, go to work, go go on a run. Resent right? Then resentment builds. They’re resenting their wife, and so they would. There’s disconnect there. And so basically a reduction of shutting down and having and really, at the end of the day, having a reduction of conflict, nice, and this is also very important, so there’s a reduction of conflicts and shut down and disconnect. Connect. But this is really important. This is really cool that a couple guys have shared with me recently. The recovery time significantly reduces, too. So when there is a conflict, an argument, instead of, let’s just say, two days of disconnect and resentment and anger, like two hours, yeah, you know what I mean, like before bed and right? And we know that that’s good, that’s good practice. And so that’s guys tell me, like, Pete man, I recover more quickly. They don’t say recover, but they the way they say it. I’m coding it recovery. And think about it from a standpoint of physical fitness, right? Like when you’re in better shape physically, you can recover more quickly. And that’s why I love this concept of a mental and emotional fitness, because if you’re more mentally and emotionally fit, you recover more quickly. Yes, the setbacks aren’t as big of a setbacks, and this varies from person to person, but the gist is reduction in disconnect and an increase in recovery, I would say, also a reduction in overworking and multitasking at home. So men are being more present. So they’re they struggle to be present at home. I gave you one of my clients who said he’s always multitasking, right? And he’s been giving me so many just give him little attaboys man, every time he does this, he sat and watched a movie last week. And you know, that may sound like nothing, but for him, it was everything. He sat and watched a whole movie. He’s like Pete man, oh, my God, it was hard, you know, like, and it sounds simple, so helping men have less working less so they can take that time. It really, at the end of the day, anything about opportunity costs, how can you take some of that work and invest it in your relationships? Yeah, so I’m helping men work less and give more time to their children and to their loved ones, and really, at the end of the day, another thing that I’m helping men do is have more fun. So I have a client who he feels like he he’s this old school mentality. First one in the door, yeah, last one out, right? Or if he is leaving early, the only way he’ll give himself permission leave early is if he isn’t the first one in the door, right? And so he struggles. He struggles to go golfing on like a Friday. This other business owner buddy, hey, man, we’re going golf on Friday noon. All right, man, take off hard for him to do so helping men have more fun. Also a reduction to stress, yeah, and I don’t even like the word stress, to be honest with you, or overwhelming burnout, because it doesn’t help men understand what stress is.
38:22
No, does that make sense?
Damon Pistulka 38:24
Oh, yeah. When you really go deep into what stress is, and you understand what you’re talking about today, it’s made up in our minds and it’s self inflicted. It all is. It’s stress, right? And when you understand the deep layers, what you’re talking about is getting someone to realize I don’t have to be on all the time professionally, I don’t have to. If I don’t make the next sale, it’s not the end of my world. If I don’t do this, it’s not the end of my world. And when you when you realize that, and you come back to a knowing, a knowing, annoying. And if I do everything that I can in the given time that I have not try to go more, not try to go to to my maximum, but not try to run in 110% or 120% all the time. And I’m and with a knowing that I’m going to reach my goals by doing it that way. I believe that that stops a lot of stress in our life, but that, but getting that knowing is so incredibly hard it takes until you start practicing and practicing and practicing and realizing that for me, personally, I work so much less than I ever did, but I get so much more done now in a shorter amount of time than I ever could. Wow. Man,
39:59
amen. Yeah, Amen, that’s so awesome.
Damon Pistulka 40:03
Yeah? And I think that’s what when people realize that, and it’s because, for me personally, I feel that I can concentrate better, because when I’m not working, I’m not working, yeah, that that’s there. And I and people talk about balance. I think balances. I don’t even think you should talk about you got to integrate your life. It’s one life. It’s one work. It’s one you know, it’s all together. But when you get it to the point that you realize I’ve done everything I can do today, and I and I’ve given it 100% and I’m laying it down right now, and I’m going to be with my family, or I’m going to go out and enjoy myself. That gives your mind and your body that time away from it to heal, to rest, rest, and to solve problems without even thinking about them, because you were talking about going bike riding tomorrow. You know myself, we talked about before, I walk lots of miles in a week. And so I figure, what do I? What do I walk? I walk probably 12 hours a week, at least 1415, probably, that’s good, but your mind might be thinking of things that you don’t even it’s processing in the background. When you can begin to harness that and go, Okay, I’m enjoying nature. I’m living in the nature right now, and I’m confident my my brain is taking care of things in the background. It’s a whole different world. Mm, hmm, because now I’ve got the benefit of the serene the you know, being at my kids event, enjoying being there with that, knowing that when I come back to it, I’m going to be able to take off and go just fine. Yeah. And what I think, for me personally, and what I you’re probably seeing some of your clients, is they don’t they think that being away from their work or away from the task is somehow they’re not going to get there. They’re not going to get there. And that knowing, just the calm that it brings from that is is so powerful. When
Peter Armstrong 42:27
you say the knowing. What is the knowing? Though? What are you knowing? What did you learn? What have you learned? Damon, what is
Damon Pistulka 42:34
I’m going to make it? Belief that I’m going to achieve my goals. Yeah, belief that if I do this the right way, and it’s not easy, right? It’s not easy. But belief in my heart, they know that, listen, my brain is smart enough. The people around me, the the spirituality, you know, talk about spirituality, we if we’re all connected, there’s plenty for us to draw upon to get what whatever we need, if we understand how to use it right and that belief, but just that, knowing that it’s going to happen helps us to make the right decisions, to make things happen, just like the belief that I’m not enough makes me do those bad things that lead me right into the same hole my knowing leads me in the other direction. I think, if I’m trying to explain it, some way, but that, for me, has been the biggest thing has changed my life. But
Peter Armstrong 43:29
you’re Bucha here. I mean, the simplicity of it, it sounds so damn cliche, really, is I believe in myself. Yeah, if you were to simplify this, which I’m hearing, you say, basically, I believe in myself. I think you’re 100% right, you know? And it’s like, and if you come down to the root of what Believe in yourself is too, man, it’s, it goes back to like, what you’re not saying, what, what you’re saying is trust. Yeah, yep, if you trust your trust, what are you trusting in?
44:06
Trusting in myself,
44:07
yeah, trusting, what are you trusting in?
Damon Pistulka 44:11
You’re gonna figure it out. It’s gonna work,
Peter Armstrong 44:14
correct? And if you were to sum that up, I’m gonna be okay,
Damon Pistulka 44:18
yeah, yeah, yeah, right, yeah, I’m going to be okay, yeah. And I’ve got a friend of mine, Thane Isaacs, you know, I actually see him here a little bit later today. He says one thing, he said, Whenever I get into that Worry, worry, worry stuff, he said, he said, I stand up and they go, Is this really the thing that’s going to take me down today?
44:44
I don’t think so awesome.
Damon Pistulka 44:48
Yeah, it really is funny,
44:50
funny, not funny, right? I mean,
Damon Pistulka 44:51
funny, not funny, but Right? How many times did you get worried about, oh, what’s it? What am I going to do? And okay, and look back at that too. The other thing has helped me at times. Look. Back at that. How many times did you think that it was the Oh, what am I any now, you can’t remember half of them, right? Or 90% of them, because at the time, was really bad. But now, now you look back at so this knowing is part of that too. It’s like knowing that and and I was reading something the other day, and it said something about, oh, it was, and this is, this is funny, because this book is old as heck. It was Norman Vincent Peale, but he was talking about about how some people just realized that the problems yield to them. They don’t yield to the problems, but they know that the problems will yield to them because they believe in themselves. They believe in themselves and their abilities to let those problems yield and break around them, mm hmm, rather than them knock them over. And I think that you know some of it is, is cliche, some of it is, but, you know, helping people create, create a whole life like you do is, is is so powerful because we just don’t men. Men don’t realize it until it’s too late. A lot,
Peter Armstrong 46:18
yeah, and in many ways, not. It’s, I’m gonna say this not to, like, that’s not their fault. Yeah, they didn’t know. You don’t know what you don’t know. Yeah, you mean, like, and this one thing I love to help men, it’s like, it’s not your fault that you have this belief about yourself, right, or this way of being, so to speak, but it is your responsibility. It’s your responsibility to figure this out. Um, now that you have this information, you realize, X, whatever it is, okay, man, it’s your responsibility to, yeah, to work on this now.
Damon Pistulka 46:55
Well, I think too, if anyone’s listening this, they should a reach out to you, Pete and and and talk, because this is they owe it not only to themselves. They owe it to their family, their kids, their friends and and their future selves. Because it will, it will make the difference.
Peter Armstrong 47:16
I would say the majority of the men, what I keep hearing, I would say they’re like, they realize they want to be a better dad. Yeah. So if you can’t do it for yourself, do it for your kids, yes,
Damon Pistulka 47:27
yes. So I don’t want to get out of here without us talking about what you’ve got going on, because you said and we got to have you come back and talk about your dead X, talk. Well, you don’t do that. Sure, we’ll do that. But you got some retreats going on. You got webinars. Let’s talk about this. What’s happening there? Because I want people to get a hold of you, be able to understand how to connect with you if they need to talk to you.
Peter Armstrong 47:53
Thanks, man. Uh, yeah. I, you know, I gave a TEDx talk in March in Vancouver, you know, not too far from you. I did think about you when I was there, and, you know, ever since then, man, it was like this whole like, it just I grew. I grew from the experience, including just realizing how important my story and the work I’ve done and the work I’m doing with men, really is, I mean, I, you know, I spoke in front of 250 people, and a lot of the people came up to me and were like, and were like, wow. Like, thank you for telling your story. Like, it gives me permission to tell my story, you know. And what I realized is a lot of things I was sharing, a lot of people don’t know. And so what I decided to start doing is I’m starting to provide, you know, like emotional fitness master classes, teaching men about shame, teaching men about emotions to help them understand what emotions are and why they’re important, teaching them tools and techniques to help them self regulate their emotions. So I’ve been teaching doing emotional fitness master classes, which was really cool. I am also creating a new men’s mastermind. You know, there’s this concept of Business Mastermind, right? You you join a Business Mastermind and become a better business owner in a specific area, right? I am creating a, what I believe to be the ultimate men’s group, but it’s going to be structured like a mastermind, in that it’s me, part men’s group, part brotherhood, part mastermind, and it’s going to be to help men, honestly have to end loneliness, to end the high achieving men’s loneliness. Friend epidemic, like a lot of men, don’t have friends. They don’t have real connection. They have Deal. Deal ships, right? They have like a man that is a client, or they help each other. You know, in a in a business sense, they don’t have a man that they can be their true self with, like they feel like they can’t be vulnerable and let down their guard and let take the mask off. And that’s I’m going to say this. I mean it, I mean this, it’s actually killing men. Loneliness kills men more than alcohol and smoking combined. We already have that data, and so I’m creating a men’s mastermind that’s going to help men have not only real connection and real men who are all striving for the same thing, but in that container, I’m going to be teaching them how to be a friend. I’m gonna teach them well being skills. I’m going to teach them emotional regulation skills, self awareness, empathy, vulnerability. I’m going to teach them relationship, the core relationship, building skills. So it’s going to be a training, it’s gonna be a teaching, it’s gonna be a learning. It’s gonna be this brotherhood where we’re going to go on shared adventures. So for example, we’re going to do day long retreats, all in person, stuff too, man all in then it’s also going to help men. Also what we’re going to do is, at the end of the year, we’re going to do like a rim to rim, like a really epic, tough, physically challenging trip, because, man, I have gone on so many trips with friends. I’m blessed. I have amazing friends, and I have a lot of friends that have told me I’m their best friend. I mean this. I’m not saying this to like, I have like, five or six men that say I’m their best friend and I’m like, what? Why me? Dude? Like, what the WTF? Man, like, I don’t even feel like I do anything, yeah, but I’m so blessed in this regard, and I want to share what I know about helping men feel like they can be themselves. Because when you help someone feel like they can be themselves, that’s the path to happiness. Yeah, and that’s what I’m trying to do. Help men have more connection and fun. Let’s have fun, dude, let’s go on a trip. Let’s do something hard, something really hard together, because that’s where bonds are created, man through fun and through difficulty and helping them be better fathers and husbands. Because I think a lot of men, what I noticed, when you’re successful in business, men are afraid to share. They’re struggling at home because they feel like that’s going to negatively impact our business. Yeah.
52:21
Yeah, right, oh, yeah.
Peter Armstrong 52:23
So I’m creating the space where men can say, enough is enough. I’m done faking it, and I’m not okay, and I want other men to hear my story, to listen to me, so I can become the best father and create the legacy My heart desires, and I we can’t do that without unless we have relationships where people are gonna are gonna hold that space for you, that are not gonna offer advice, they’re not gonna judge you, that they’re not there because they want something from you, and that’s what I want to create. Man, yeah, so I’m excited about it. It’s starting September 1. I already got a couple guys that I said, Yes, nice.
Damon Pistulka 53:06
Yeah, man, awesome, awesome. Well, Pete saying, thanks so much for being here. And I want to, I want to make sure, Pete, that people reach out to you on LinkedIn and book a time talk to you, whatever, if they if they’re interested more in this. And if you haven’t gone to his LinkedIn profile, go there. Check out. He’s got these events that he’s had, webinars and other things, so you can, you can connect with him and see if maybe he’s someone that you want to get to know a little bit better. Pete, thanks so much for being here today.
Peter Armstrong 53:40
Thank you, man, pleasure. Thank you for the opportunity.
Damon Pistulka 53:44
Appreciate it. Well, I want to thank random Rick reviews for stopping by today and everyone else that was listening. Thank you so much. We appreciate you. We see that you’re watching these things. I see we’ve got a fair amount of people on on the X platform and other ones on here today. Thank you so much for watching. We will be back again next week with another awesome guest, Pete. Hang out. We will finish up offline.
54:11
All right. Bye, everyone.
